


The Nutcracker

by TheModernChromatic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ballet, Classical Music, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Modern Era, Romance, Smut, eruere - Freeform, eruren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 16:54:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1083410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheModernChromatic/pseuds/TheModernChromatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren gets dragged to the ballet and for whatever reason, can't seem to take his eyes off of one of the dancers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Eren shifted uncomfortably in the creaky theatre chair. The theatre had to be at least a thousand years old, he was sure of it. He thought it smelled like cat food, but then, that it also might be the numerous old ladies in front of him, whom seemed to make up a majority of the audience.

"Armin, why are we here?" He whined, leaning back in the chair, half-hoping it would break.

"Oh hush, Eren, this is the most cultured thing you've done all year. We're here because Tchaikovsky is a genius and this is his legacy. Besides, it's a Christmas tradition." Armin didn't look out of place in his seat at all. Eren figured it was because he was practically an old lady himself.

He groaned and pushed himself farther back in the chair. On his other side, Mikasa and Sasha twittered about the dance classes they'd taken when they were younger. He rolled his eyes. He'd get no sympathy from the grown-up little girls still dreaming about being ballerinas. Connie was too far away for him to talk to, on the other side of Sasha, and he was busy with an app on his phone anyway. There was no way he could whine to Marco without getting Jean involved, and that meant going through Armin anyway. Eren squashed himself further in the seat and crossed his arms across his chest. From the pit, strange noises emerged from the orchestra.

"What the fuck? Armin, those musicians aren't even good."

"Jesus, Eren, they're tuning. Could you just shut up and sit still for a few hours? Honestly."

Eren threw his head back and groaned.

"Hours? How long can you possibly watch people dance to sleepy music?"

"Eren, shut up."

The house lights had fallen, and the orchestra began a soft, distant melody. The curtains rose and Eren buried his head in his lap. Armin nudged him but he just grunted and eventually Armin gave up, apparently satisfied that at the very least he was being quiet. Within minutes, he was asleep.

Applause woke him up. He shot up so fast he put a crick in his neck. He beamed smugly, proud of himself for sleeping through the entire ballet.

"Eren, sit down," Armin hissed, pulling him back into his seat with unusual strength.

"What, you mean it's not over?"

One of the old ladies in front of him turned around and gave him a dirty look for talking so loudly.

"It's barely been twenty minutes. The Nutcracker just rescued Clara from the Mouse King." Armin settled back in his seat.

"The what?" Eren looked up at the stage, a dancer in grey with a mouse mask on his back on the stage, a wooden sword held between his arm and his body while he flailed about. "This is so lame." Eren muttered, trying to make Armin hear him.

The mice filed out and the two remaining dancers spun about one another, one a pretty girl in something of a night gown, and the other a man, dressed as some sort of soldier. The girl's costume glittered, so Eren watched that for awhile, his face scrunched up in his hand as he leaned heavily onto his palm. Beside him, he could hear Sasha whispering to Mikasa.

"Boy, those tights sure don't leave anything to the imagination."

The two giggled and Eren looked back at the stage. _What bullshit_. His eyes were trained on the girl's skirts. _You can hardly even see her legs._

The other dancer hoisted her above him and spun. Eren realized that the man's costume was sparkling too and he felt sorry for the guy. Beside him, Mikasa sighed, and something in him knew she wished she could be carried across the stage like that. Eren doubted he could ever carry anyone across a stage--not that anyone would be able to get him on it, especially not in such gaudy costumes. For a moment, he looked jealously at the dancer's muscled arms and then frowned at his own scrawny arms. Whatever. He'd never wanted to carry giggling little girls across a stage anyway.

The man set the girl down and she danced her way off the stage, leaving him there to dance by himself. While she was on the stage, Eren hadn't really noticed the dancer, but for the way he so effortlessly carried her around. He'd been holding back and highlighting her, Eren realized, suddenly transfixed. The man's feet moved faster than he thought possible, and he landed from leaps and skips without a sound. Somewhere in how mesmerized he was, Eren noticed that the man's legs were also incredibly muscular and pouted, knowing his own were barely twigs. He didn't want to stare at the epitome of masculinity degrading himself in feminine dance. Eren thought how he'd lift weights and be a movie star if he looked like that, not a dancer.

"That is one tight ass," Mikasa whispered to Sasha, and Eren leaned away, giving them a disgusted look.

The man spun, continuously, and Eren caught a pretty good glimpse of what the girls were so giddy about. He'd only seen more shapely butts on mannequins, and even then he wasn't sure this guy didn't have them beat. Eren frowned jealously, yet continued staring. He wondered how the man could spin for an enternity.

Soon, other dancers entered the stage and together they danced around the girl in the night gown, who had come back and lay down as if to sleep, but Eren was no longer watching her. He noticed that, in comparison to the other male dancers, the soldier-looking one--whom he assumed to be the Nutcracker--had much shinier tights than anyone else.

From his pointed toes to his perfectly gelled blonde hair, everything about him was unrealistically stunning. Eren's jealousy surged. Even while he stood still in a perfectly poised position, Eren continued to watch him. He wondered to himself whether or not the male dancers had to wear cups in case of accidental kicking, or just the general discomfort of having one's pork and beans covered solely by nylon, since the thighs showed no signs of underwear seams.

The clapping started and the curtain fell and the lights came back on, all at once. Eren blinked dazedly.

"Is it over?" He couldn't hide the surprise in his voice. Armin gave him a sideways look.

"No, Eren. Jeez. This is just intermission, would you relax? We still have the whole second half."

Eren's only reply was a tiny, "Oh." And he set about fidgeting with his hands in his lap. He could hear Armin chatting with Marco and Jean, and Sasha and Mikasa had gone to the bathroom together. Connie was mysteriously also missing, but after interrogating Armin, Eren found out he'd been kicked out sometime while he was asleep because he wouldn't put his phone away. He sat still as a statue, his eyes fixed on the red curtain as if that would make the intermission end sooner. As he heard the awkward noises of the tuning orchestra, he sat forward, and the lights dimmed. Mikasa and Sasha made it back to their seats just in time.

For the second half, the Nutcracker did far less dancing than before, seated with the girl in the night gown one a pair of thrones while they watched others dance for them. Eren had to crane his neck to see him half the time. Before he knew it, the dancers were bowing and the curtain had closed.

"Okay, Eren. Now it's over." Armin stood up, expecting Eren to fly out the door, but he remained in his seat. "Was it really that bad?"

"Oh, nah, it was alright." Eren continued to stare at the closed curtain.

"See! I told you! No one can hate Tchaikovsky!" Armin beamed and they all filed out of the theatre.

They made their way into a nearby coffee shop. Connie was already there, leeching off the wifi as he'd been since he was kicked out of the theatre. He was glad for the company and managed to put his phone away as soon as everyone sat down. Eren ordered something that sounded like a desert someone threw in a blender and added coffee to and sat down, waiting for the barista to finish making it. Around him, everyone was talking about things he didn't particularly care for--Armin about Tchaikovsky again, and Mikasa and Sasha about a new boba tea shop that had just opened. It took him a minute to realize Connie was talking to him about some blister he'd found on his foot that had popped. Absent-mindedly, he reached for the gum he kept in his jacket, only to swipe at his hip fruitlessly.

"You alright there, Eren?" Mikasa had broken her conversation to give him a sideways and confused look.

"I think I left my jacket in the theatre." Eren rose and darted out the door.

In his wake the group looked around at one another and laughed. They knew how attached he was to his favorite black jacket, so running out of a coffee shop as the barista called out his order wasn't out of the ordinary. Only Armin questioned what would've possessed him to leave it anywhere in the first place.

The theatre was a lot colder without all the people in it. Eren darted about frantically, trying to remember where he'd sat. Luckily, his black jacket stood out enough from the red velvet of the seats and he recovered it successfully. When he reemerged from the theatre, there was still a number of old ladies milling about, and Eren didn't feel like picking his way through them, so he pulled on his jacket and ducked around the back of the theatre, thinking himself clever for finding a shortcut.

Finding his headphones to be in the jacket pocket with his gum, he busily set up his iPod, crossing a bustling city street with the flow of the foot traffic. Somewhere ahead of him, an old lady called out across the crowd.

"Thank you, young man! You're very kind."

He looked up from the screen for a split second and ran into a solid and stationary figure, knocking him backwards onto his rump. He was about to say something rude, but as he looked up, his eyes continued to go above him until they found a sleek form of blonde hair. The owner of the hair turned promptly to apologize, his hand still daintily holding on to the hand of an old lady he seemed to have escorted across the street.

"Sorry, didn't see you there." He gave Eren a blinding smile before turning back to the old lady. "It was lovely meeting you ma'am." The lady laughed the geriatric equivalent of a giggle before shuffling toward a bus as it stopped at the corner, still waving. Eren was still on his rump, looking quizically at the entire situation before he saw a large hand descend in front of him.

"Sorry about that again. I didn't think anyone was behind me."

Eren took the hand without a word and got to his feet, his eyebrows still knitted together.  
  
"It's alright," he managed to mumble before he noticed right at eye-level, the man possessed a rather impressive set of pecs. Eren took a step back and got a full look at the man he'd ran into and gasped incredulously. "You're the Nutcracker guy!"

The man's confused and concerned expression, brought on by Eren's behavior, broke into another smile.

"Didn't think people recognized me out of costume."

Suddenly thinking what he said to be strange, Eren felt his cheeks get hotter and he looked away, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, I mean. The show was like an hour ago, so it's not like it was that long or anything." He tried hard not to stammer. To his surprise, the man laughed.

"I suppose my surprise comes from your age. You're not quite as...wisened as most of my admirers. Like that lady I helped across the street."

As he smiled, Eren found himself gawking again. Even his teeth were beautiful and perfectly shaped. Eren's head spun. Since he'd been stopped, all he'd done was stare and embarrass himself, but he was at a loss for words, and the man in front of him was some sort of perfect visage of masculinity. He tried to write off his fixation as jealousy, but he knew better. He had to force himself to focus when he realized the man was talking again.

"It's nice to see fans of all sorts of demographics." He gave a polite smile and Eren looked away, crossing his arms protectively across himself.

"Sure," he said, trying to mimick the man's manners. "Well, it was nice meeting you, but my friends are waiting for me at the coffee shop down the street, so bye!" He talked quickly, almost tripping over his words, and started off the way he was headed in a similar way.

"Oh! I know that cafe. I'm headed that direction; I'll come with you."

Eren's heart fluttered as the man caught up with him with a few easy, long-legged strides.

"My name's Erwin Smith, just in case you wanted to call me by something other than 'nutcracker guy.'"

Eren nodded, trying to keep his eyes on the path in front of him rather than letting them drift beside him.  
  
"Yeah, I remember from the program." He left out the part about reading his entire bio and staring at the picture printed for longer than necessary. And the fact that the hand stuffed in his jacket was curled around the program. It took him a moment to remember to give his own name. "I'm Eren."

The walk was short, but they continued to chat idly as the walked--or rather, Erwin talked while Eren nodded and stole glances in his direction. When they got to the cafe, Eren expected them to part ways, but to his surprise, Erwin opened the door and held it for him.

"Might as well get some coffee. I've got some time to kill, and you're not bad company." The polite smile again.

Eren tried to clear the expression from his face, but he felt his cheeks growing hot again.

"Eren!" Armin ran from where the group was seated. "What took you so long? We were debating on whether or not to leave you." He grinned to let him know he was joking.

"I must apologize for the delay." Erwin stepped forward and extended a hand to Armin, who took it and shook it, giving Eren an incredulous look. Eren regained himself enough to put up his hands to shift the blame.

"You're..." He looked back and forth between Eren and Erwin. "This is...wow! Jeez, Eren, was your jacket backstage or something?" Armin beamed delightedly.

"No, I, uh, ran into him on the street."

"Literally," Erwin added. "So we got to chatting and I decided I wanted some coffee. If you'll excuse me." He started towards the barista. Eren's eyes followed him and were still trained on his backside when Armin shook him.

"Eren! Jesus Christ, you didn't even want to go in the first place and somehow you ran into Erwin Smith and he came with you to get coffee? What the hell?"

Eren still didn't have much to say, so he gave and exasperated shrug and wore and expression to match.

"I can't even believe you sometimes." Armin wheeled him back to where they were sitting, moving everyone's coats to make a seat for Erwin.

"Who's that for?" Jean watched Armin moving the coats while Eren took a seat next to Connie.

"Eren made a friend," Armin said, with a mischevious sparkle in his eye. Jean snickered, but his smirk turned into a confused gape as Erwin strode over to the empty armchair with a light grip on a cup of coffee.

His shoes clicked and his grey, close-fitting suit swished in the empty silence left by the entire group falling silent at once. Seeing all eyes on him, he set down his coffee and stopped himself from sitting to stand and shake everyone's hand, repeating his name to confirm everyone's amazed suspicions.

As he sat down, sipping his coffee, the conversation started up around him, mostly curious, but a bit star-struck as well, centering around how in the world Eren had come to run into him. Eren, still somewhat dazed--from falling earlier, he was sure of it--remained aloof from the conversation and his eyes floated about the coffee shop until they locked on the man's thighs.

"Isn't that right, Eren?"

Eren looked up to see the dancer giving him an expectant look with a hint of something else he couldn't quite pin down. He hadn't been listening to the conversation at all. He was convinced he'd hit his head at some point.

"Uh, yeah."

He looked at the man with a puzzled expression, trying to decode the look he was getting. Whatever he'd just confirmed seemed to satisfy him, and he smiled before pushing back his sleeve to check the time.

"Well, you've all been lovely, but I must get going. I've got dinner plans." He stood to leave, coffee in hand. Eren continued watching him, his eyes now level with his hips. Erwin paused and looked at the group for a split second. "But listen, we like to have a little get-together after performances, and we usually nab a few friends to go with us. Unfortunately, I haven't been in town for very long, so I've got no one to take. I'd love it if you'd all accompany me." He beamed again and quickly added, "Since a lot of the dancers in this show are young, you won't really be out of place."

Armin spoke up first.

"We'd love to!"

And everyone quickly agreed with him. Erwin wrote down the place of address on a napkin, along with a phone number 'just in case' they needed anything, and handed it to Eren.

"I'll see you all at ten!"

Eren's eyes followed him as he turned and left. Mikasa and Sasha were on him at once.

"Eren, what the hell." Mikasa shook him and he snapped out of his daze.

"Why do good things never happen to me?" Sasha whined, tugging on the napkin in Eren's hand.

"Well, uh. We're all invited?" Eren pulled the napkin away instinctively. "I dunno. He bumped into me on the street and knocked me over, so maybe he just feels bad."  
  
Sasha rapped her knuckles on Eren's head.

"Hello? Anyone home?" She called mockingly. "Last person I bumped into on the street gave me the finger, not a party invitation."

Eren rolled his eyes and looked to Armin for help, but he was busy trying to keep the last of his coffee away from Connie, his arm extended above his head and behind him while Connie grabbed at it. He thought he heard Jean laugh, and as he looked over, he whispered something to Marco who gave him a look and said something like 'no, Jean, that's mean.'

"Erennnnn." Sasha called him away from his distractions. "So are you gonna let him crack your nuts or what?"

"What?!" Eren covered his groin instinctively. He felt his cheeks getting hot and hoped he wasn't blushing.

"Sash, that doesn't even make sense."

"It was the best thing I could think of!"

The two briefly bantered back and forth and then leaned away from Eren and started whispering, throwing occasional glances at him that made him uncomfortable. Then they stood from where they were crouched in front of him and hoisted him to his feet.

"We're going shopping! We'll catch you guys later." Sasha announced. Mikasa had him by the collar of his shirt.

"Why do I have to go?" Eren whined, straining against her hand.

"Someone has to carry the bags."

But then, when they were outside, they immediately hailed a cab and pointed the driver in the direction of their dorms back on campus.

"Wait, why are we going back? I thought you two wanted to enslave me while you shopped." He looked out the window of the cab in vain.

"Idiot." Mikasa rolled her eyes at him and Sasha got uncomfortably close to him, a glint in her eyes.

"We're gonna make you pretty for your dancer-man."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Errebody parties and oops where did Eren's clothes go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where I was going with this chapter so it's basically a filler while I push the development. Next chapter will be more fun, promise. <3
> 
> ~Cass
> 
> * * *

His fingers fiddled with his scarf again, trying to find a way to undo Mikasa and Sasha's damage. He wouldn't look at either, still mad at them for hiding his black hoodie and forcing him into the monstrousity he was wearing--some sort of striped, green, long-sleeve, v-neck (for the love of God), form-fitting bullshit. He wanted to die. They'd at least let him put the scarf and coat over it to cover his scrawny form and embarassingly-hairless chest. The lewd garment and black jeans (entirely too tight around his thighs for him to be comfortable with) were 'borrowed' from Jean and Marco's dorm thanks to Sasha's lock-picking abilities. He wanted to die.

He stood behind everyone else on the front step as they rang the doorbell, their excited jabbering kicking up little clouds around their mouths in the cold. Eren pulled his scarf up over his mouth and tried to pretend they hadn't ruined his methodically scruffy hairdo. It was Erwin who answered the door.

"Oh wow! Come in, come in! You all look wonderful."

The house itself was a slightly isolated bungalow, with only sparse trees for neighbors and a modern, angular design. It was much larger on the inside than it looked to be from outside, but the darkness seemed to partially obscure it.

"Nice party-pad," Connie said, looking around. He and Sasha headed straight for the snacks. Erwin gave a half-smile watching them weave through the people milling about. He was right about one thing. Most of the crowd wasn't much older than them, but little pockets of it seemed to be closer to Erwin's age.

"I'm glad someone likes it. No one's said anything about it yet. Guess I forgot to mention that it's new. I'm just renting it since I'm going to be here for a little while."

"Wait, this is _your_ house?" Eren had been trying to stay behind Mikasa so he wouldn't be tempted to stare, but he couldn't help but express his surprise. "You made it seem like we'd be going to someone else's house!"

He immediately regretted coming out of his hiding place. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Mikasa duck behind him completely and take Armin with her to the drinks table. Jean and Marco had wandered off shortly after Sasha and Connie, and Eren found himself alone. _Traitors_.

"Oh, yeah." Erwin smiled at him as if he hadn't seen Mikasa dragging Armin away saying she thought she'd seen the conductor by the punch bowl. "Your hair looks nice." Eren watched the blue eyes in front of him float from his hair to his face to his torso. "I've got a room where you can put your coat if you like. It's pretty warm in here. I'll take you."

And then he was being led towards a hallway with a hand on his back. He turned as he did so, shooting a desperate look in the direction Mikasa had gone, but she was there with Sasha, the two of them giggling and giving him exaggerated winks.

"Right in there." He pointed towards a small room, empty but for a couch and a desk, both covered in coats. The walls were a pleasant, pale yellow. Erwin leaned against the doorframe and looked around as Eren reluctantly pulled off his scarf and coat. The house was definintely hot, and he felt better without them.

"I'm going to make this an office eventually." Eren turned to see him looking at the bare walls thoughtfully. He sighed lightly and his eyes darted back to Eren. "But for now it's a nice coat room. Shall we?" He peeled himself off of the frame and gestured in front of himself with a hand.

Eren obliged, trying to keep his eyes down. He'd been doing that since they'd come in the front door, and he managed to keep the few glances he'd stolen brief. They walked side by side, Eren's eyes glued to the floor.

"That shirt looks good on you."

"Oh. Th-thanks."

"Hey! Don't smoke in here!" Erwin left Eren in a rush, running in front of him to one of the party guests cooly exhaling a line of smoke. Eren broke his promise to himself as the man ran. He looked.

Trying to find a way out, Eren tore his eyes away and looked for one of his friends--Mikasa, Armin, or hell, even Jean--but found none and his eyes slowly drifted back. He continued to break his promises until he thought someone would notice and he made his way sheepishly over to Erwin.

The man he was talking to was shorter than Eren, with a non-chalant expression and a cigarette in hand. As Eren approached, the man waved the cigarette around as he talked.

"Go outside with that. You'll stink up my whole house."

"Hell no. It's fucking absolute-zero out there."

Eren stood quietly beside Erwin trying not to look at him again until Erwin noticed him by his side.

"Ah--sorry. Eren, this little annoyance is Levi. He was the mouse king in the show. Levi, Eren."

Trying to be civil, Eren stuck out his hand. He didn't remember him from the show, but he speculated that he'd probably slept through that part. The other man just stared at his hand.

"Proper etiquette dictates that you introduce the older of the two persons first," was his only response to Eren's extended hand. He slowly let is fall back to his side.

"Now, now Levi. He could be older than you."

"I highly doubt that."

Erwin turned to him. "Well, Eren. Settle the matter. How old are you?"

"Nineteen," he answered nervously.

"Brilliant, see? He's nineteen and you look like you're twelve. Now get the hell out of my house with that before I shove it up your ass."

The pair of dark, narrow eyes darted between Eren and Erwin a few times. Levi raised an eyebrow, then rolled his eyes and headed towards the front door. Over his shoulder, he gave his reply.

"Certainly wouldn't be the first thing."

Eren furrowed his brow trying to figure out what that meant.

"Sorry about that. He's friendlier when you get to know him." He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a nervous laugh. "Do you want something to drink? There's some beer and eggnog, but if you don't drink I've got soda too."

"You don't care if I drink?" Eren eyed the handsome face suspiciously, and it broke out into a smile.

"As long as no one is irresponsible with it, I don't mind. There is a strict no-vomiting rule though. If you vomit I make you stay until you're sober enough to clean it up. I've got extra rooms just in case and I'll call cabs if I need to."

"Oh, uh. I've never had eggnog before..."

Erwin looked at him incredulously and held up a finger and then turned and left. Eren cocked his head and watched him walk away. He disappeared from sight, then returned with two red cups in hand.

He sipped it while Erwin warned him about possibly miscalculating the quantity of rum the recipe called for. Eren swallowed and coughed violently almost immediately.

"God, that is nasty!" He cupped his hand over his mouth. He'd had beer before, but Armin wasn't fond of him drinking and he could usually get Mikasa to side with him, so he'd never had anything harder. He held his cup away from himself while he coughed and spluttered. When he regained the ability to breathe, he gave the cup a sideways look--and then promptly downed its contents with a little shudder. In seconds, heat circulated through his body.

"So nasty you had to drink all of it at once?" Erwin plucked the empty cup from his hand. "They're not shots you know. You're supposed to drink it slowly and enjoy it. And like I was saying, I think the recipe called for another half cup of the rum, so it's actually a tad tamer than it should be..."

Eren narrowed his eyes and took his cup back, then marched off in the direction Erwin had gone for the eggnog. Erwin sighed and followed him.

Within a half hour, Eren found himself on a rather angular couch surrounded by dancers, laughing. He'd forgotten why they were laughing, but they were.

"No, no, but the funniest part was that she didn't even realize she had her skirt on backwards until halfway through the performance!" A perky blonde laughed her way through her story.

Eren laughed uproariously as well, reaching for his cup again. As he brought it to his mouth, he missed and it spilled down his shirt. He made for another attempt, but it seemed to vanish from his hands. When he made sense of what had happened, Erwin was there holding it and giving him a hesitant look.

"I think you've had just about enough of this..."

He fell asleep after that.

  
When he woke up, the only word his brain was able to process was 'fuck,' and it ran through his head endlessly. He'd never felt such a headache, and it took him a moment to configure his surroundings but when he did he nearly leapt out of his skin. He was clothed, but that was a loose definition of the word considering the way the shirt he was wearing fit it--which is to say that it didn't fit at all. It was large and loose, of the button-up variety. A quick check under the blankets confirmed that he was indeed in nothing but the shirt and his boxers. However, that wasn't what made him panic.

The panic came from his right when he saw that he was not alone in the bed.

The silent stream of 'fuck's running through his head intensified as his eyes landed on a pair of bronzed shoulders facing him, the blades shifting as the sleeper breathed in and out. His eyes scaled down the spine, past the muscles visible even in their most-relaxed state to where the torse disappeared mysteriously underneath the blanket. He didn't want to look up to see the trademark blonde undercut, but he did, confirming his suspicions. All of it was too much for him--the muscles, the headache, the flawless skin moving as he breathed--and Eren felt it strike his entire body, invoking a feeling deep in his stomach that made him want to...vomit.

He threw a hand over his mouth, tumbled out of the bed, skittered across the floor, and plunged into a room he prayed was the bathroom. He won the lottery on that one. He was still sprawled out over the toilet seat face-down when Erwin came in.

"You alright?" His voice was slow and sleepy. Eren heard a yawn above him. He clutched at the shirt desperately, his stomach churning (but thankfully empty) and head pounding.

"W-what happened to my clothes?"

"Oh, uh." Another yawn. "You got a little carried away with the eggnog. You got it all over your shirt so I let you borrow one of mine and then someone threw up in your lap. I tried to loan you some pajama pants, but you wouldn't have it. That was sometime in the middle of the night, I think."

Eren rolled over onto his back, his hand pressed against his forehead in an attempt to quell the pounding.

"How did I get here?"

"Jeez, you really don't hold your liquor well. Uh. When they threw up on you they got it all over the couch you were sleeping on and all the others were taken so I just carried you up to my bed. You were going to go back to the couch after you took off your pants." He laughed a little.

Eren moved his hands over his eyes, mortified. He felt like shit. His brain reverted back to its morning mantra. His head pounded, body ached, and stomach churned. He wanted to sink into the floor. Sick and half-naked, with no clothes to change into--he vowed to never drink again.

"The laundry ought to be done by now," Erwin mused. Eren removed his arm and looked up, quietly noting how he was bouncing lightly from one foot to the other.

"Laundry?"

"Yeah, I used to throw a lot of parties so I've gotten into the habit of doing a load every time I throw one. More alcohol means more messes." He gave a pleasant smile.

Clothes. He had clothes. This man was a saint. Eren peeled himself off the floor and propped up against the wall.

"If your head hurts, I'll be making a lot of coffee in a minute." Erwin's voice was somewhere above him, though he had his head in his hands and couldn't see. "But uh." He gave a nervous laugh. "Could you get out? I really need to use the restroom."

Eren felt his face get hot as he scrambled to his feet, apologizing and trying to get out of the restroom without falling over himself. He slammed the door behind him and had a strange afterthought, like he had seen the slightest bit of excess pink in Erwin's cheeks. He didn't want to think about the laundry-doing, coffee-making saint being modest and shy on top of everything else.

When he'd said that all the other couches were full, he hadn't been kidding. Aside from the one which he'd woken the perky blonde to clean, all of them had someone on them. Eren found that his friends hadn't abandoned him so much as they'd gotten drunk in the billiards room and fallen asleep on a pile of beanbags. Mikasa and Sasha were in some sort of human knot with Connie clinging to one of Sasha's calves for a pillow. Armin was the only one awake in the room, seated in an armchair reading.

"Uh, Eren. Where are your clothes?"

"I, uh. They got dirty."

Armin raised an eyebrow and Eren felt his face turn a deep shade of red.

"No! I got eggnog all over the shirt and someone threw up on my pants so they're in the laundry! Erwin offered me a shirt and some pants but I was so drunk I turned him down for the pants."

Armin's skeptical look had yet to fade.

"Well what the hell did you do all night?" Eren put his irritation into his voice. Like hell he was going to sit there and let the little nerd look at him with that smug little face.

"I stayed up making sure none of our loser friends got alcohol poisoning and then I slept in this armchair and I found a library when I woke up so I've been reading waiting for everyone to wake up. I'd say I did a pretty good job making sure no one got trashed--except with you, it seems." The smug expression returned.

"Yeah, if you did such a great job, then where the hell are Jean and Marco?"

"They're fine. As long as they have each other, I don't worry about them. Jean can hold his alcohol and Marco passes out after a few glasses anyway." Armin had thorough reports on what each of them were like when they drank. He didn't like anything that made it hard for him to think clearly, so he never drank. "Although you apparently have some strange tendencies I wasn't aware of. I'm just glad Erwin was there to take care of you."

"Can we talk about my night life later?" He hissed under his breath.

"I was talking about your drinking habits, but if you insist..."

_Smug little shit._

By some stroke of luck, or cruel stroke of fate, Erwin appeared, still in nothing but his pajama pants. Eren caught a glimpse of his bronzed skin from the corner of his eye and swallowed hard, suddenly remembering how dry his throat was after his morning stomach issues.

"Coffee's ready! Morning, Armin." He peered about the room at the people passed out on anything comfortable enough to sleep on (and a few things that probably were much less so) and chuckled. "Clean-up recruitment starts in ten minutes. Come on, Eren, I'll pour you some coffee."

Eren moved somewhat nervously, still trying to keep his eyes on the ground. Erwin asked Armin if he would wake everyone in the room to help with cleaning, since he clearly hadn't drank, and he agreed. Eren followed Erwin out the door and his eyes locked on the curvature of his waist and didn't quit. _Damn it_.

"Ah, Levi. You're up early."

The short, black haired man grunted, poured himself some coffee, then grabbed the mug by the rim with his fingers and abandoned the kitchen so that they were alone. Eren tried to focus on the coffee as Erwin poured it, but he managed to hold both the pot and the mug in front of his chest and Eren found himself staring past the glassware. He jumped a little as Erwin extended the mug to him.

"You're very dazed in the mornings, it would seem." He smiled, pouring a mug for himself. Eren drank, ignoring the fact that the coffee had no sugar or cream. He made a face at the taste.

"I, uh." The coffee was more effective than he thought, despite the bitter taste. The house wasn't any cooler than it had been the previous night, but the warmth of the coffee seemed to kick some life into him.

"Or you just space out a lot."

 _Shit_. He'd noticed.

"Is the laundry done? My legs are cold." He pat himself on the back for getting out of that one.

Erwin set down his coffee and left the kitchen, coming back with an armful of clothes from people who'd apparently made messes of themselves. Eren found his pants first and pulled them on eagerly, and had discarded the borrowed button-up completely, leaving his bare chest exposed before he realized what he was doing.

He scrambled into the striped monstrosity he'd worn the previous night faster than he should've, his arms getting stuck in the obnoxiously tight sleeves. A low chuckle made him even more aware of his surroundings and when he looked up, Erwin appeared to be focused on his coffee, sipping innocently.

Eren was all too happy to help everyone clean after the little show he put on stripping in Erwin's kitchen. As soon as Mikasa and Sasha had enough coffee in their systems to function, they were on him like rabid dogs.

"So Eren, how was your night?" Mikasa's nudged him as she shoved a plastic cup into a trashbag.

"Yeah, Armin said you came downstairs in a rather large shirt." Sasha chimed.

"Without pants," Mikasa added mischeviously.

Eren knew his face was all sorts of red, but he tried to brush it off anyway.

"It's not like that." He gave his most convincing shrug. "They just got dirty is all."

He avoided them too after that. He was glad when the cleaning was done and Armin announced that it was about time they all went home, thanking Erwin again. Eren, deciding it was for the best, kept his eyes on the ground for the nth time and nodded along with Armin, who had Marco draped over his shoulders. He and Jean had managed to avoid the cleaning, but had missed the coffee as well, and seemed to have drank more than everyone else. Connie helped haul them back to Armin's minivan.

They were back on campus before Eren realized. He and Armin were in their dorm, thanking everything holy for Saturdays.

"My scarf! I think I left it..."

Eren searched frantically through the pile of discarded coats as if he had missed it somehow. He heard Armin mumbling under his breath about him being awfully forgetful lately. He cursed his old junk car for being in the shop when he needed it most.

"Armin, we gotta go back. Mom gave me that scarf."

He hung on Armin while he worked diligently on some homework assignment Eren had neglected to start.

"I'm busy right now. It's not going anywhere. Besides, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced."

Eren fell backwards on his bed, defeated.

"Quit moping. Just call him and tell him you left it. You can borrow my car later."

_Call him?_

Eren remembered the little napkin with the phone number on it with a start and pounced on his favorite sweater where it hung from the chair at the desk opposite Armin's. He fumbled around in the pockets a bit and pulled it out, victorious. He nearly dropped his phone in his haste, listening as it rang.

Suddenly, he found himself inexplicably nervous.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren goes back for his scarf and stays a little longer than intended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Endless fluff. When I get back in the mood, I'll go back to my srs fics but for now, fluff. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [themodernchromatic](http://themodernchromatic.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ~Cass
> 
> * * *

Six-thirty. Six-thirty. Eren stared at the ceiling from his bed wondering how he would ever make it to six-thirty alive. He hadn't bothered to look at the time since he'd discarded his phone. They'd gotten back to their dorms around one-thirty, and it had taken an additional thirty minutes to muster up the courage to go through with the call (without hanging up before the ringing registered) since he'd panicked the first time he'd heard the phone ring. When the call had finally gone through, it was more of an accident than on purpose.

He was so caught up in his anxiety, that for a second, he hadn't even realized it was ringing or that it had stopped. He came to his senses as a deep tenor registered in his ears for a second time.  
  
"Hello...?"

Eren tried not to panic, keeping his tone as even as possible.

"Oh, um. Hi. I think I left my scarf at your house."

"Probably. Who's this?" A short laugh came through the receiver.

"S-sorry! It's Eren. I was at the party yesterday." He wanted to kick himself.

"Oh, Eren!" The voice seemed to brighten a little. "You're welcome to come get it whenever you need it. I'm out shopping right now, though. I should be home by about six, so feel free to stop by any time after that."

"I'll come by around six-thirty, thanks!" He spoke rapidly and pressed the 'end call' button immediately after he finished speaking. He threw his phone behind him on his bed and spun around to find Armin looking at him.

"You alright there?"

"Never better."

And he'd flopped down face-up right after that. Somewhere in his boredom, Armin had noticed what he was doing and had suggested doing his homework--

"It may be Saturday, but we _do_ have class on Monday, mind you."

\--but that seemed ten times as boring, and he knew he'd end up putting it all off until Sunday anyway. A century and a year later (by Eren's calculations) Armin threw a book at him, hitting him squarely in the ribs.

"Ow, what was that for?" He sat up, rubbing his fatality.

"You've been sighing at the ceiling ever since you got off the phone. I'm trying to concentrate on my homework, can you go mope about your ballerina somewhere else?"

"He's not my ballerina. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Shut up and go for a walk." Armin turned back to his homework, erasing notes he'd made in his futile attempts to concentrate with Eren sighing behind him.

"But it's cold out there," Eren whined, flopping back onto his bed. A set of keys followed the book's earlier lead, but managed to hit him in the face instead.

"Take my car, jeez. Go get fries or a Redbox movie or start an illegal trafficking business, I don't even care, just get out of here!" Armin's erasing grew more furious.

Eren sprang up, his hand clasped over his face.

"Ow, Armin! That was my eye!"

Armin was at his side apologizing profusely in seconds.

"Eren! I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Let me see it!" He clung to Eren's knee, worry etched deep into his face.

Eren groaned and leaned away from Armin's prying hands, then slowly let his hand fall, one eye shut tight. Armin leaned in to examine the eye when it snapped open and Eren jutted forward so that their foreheads met with a clunk.

"Ow! Eren! You jerk!" Armin rubbed his forehead, offended. "You're not even hurt."

Eren laughed and stuck out his tongue, then hopped off the bed in a single, fluid motion, taking the keys with him.

"Catch ya later!" He darted out the door and slammed it behind him, but it wasn't enough to keep out Armin's last retort.

"Don't come back, you jerk!"

  
  
He decided to go with Armin's advice--sans human-trafficking business-- and stopped at McDonald's where he could get his fries and movie at the same place. He had gotten through half of his large frie before he decided to check the time. Six ten. He stuffed the rest of the fries back in the bag and put the movie in there for good measure as well, hoping he remembered how to get to Erwin's house.

Having gotten lost, he arrived at six forty-five. As he scrambled out the door, he grabbed the bag as an apology to Armin, who he knew would hate the smell of grease seeping into his upholstery. It was bad enough that he'd gotten it all over the steering wheel (he vowed to clean it later) so it was the least he could do. He was still licking grease and salt off of his fingers as he rang the doorbell. Erwin answered faster than he expected, and was mid-lick when the door opened.

"Oh, uh." He tucked the hand behind himself, wiping it on his pants. "Hi."

"Hey, Eren." Erwin gave him one of his signature pleasant grins. "I looked for your scarf, but I couldn't find it. You're welcome to come in and look around if you think you know where you left it."

Eren gave a curt nod and ducked into the house, still holding onto the McDonald's bag.

"I think it was in the coat room. That's where I took it off." Eren headed down the hallway from memory, then poked his head into the room. It was as bare as before, minus the coats, and the sight was a little disheartening. He paced about the room and found it wedged between the cushions of the couch. When he turned around, Erwin was in the doorway again.

"Have you eaten?" He gestured toward the McDonald's bag in Eren's hands.

"Uh, not really. I just had some fries." He knew 'some' was an understatement.

"Well, Levi was supposed to be here tonight, but he's out doing god-knows-what. He texted me a few minutes ago that he wouldn't be coming home tonight. But, I made dinner for two, and I really don't want it to go to waste, would you like some?"

"I, uh. Sure." He'd smelled the food on the way in, and he couldn't deny that the offer was tempting.

Erwin sat him down at one end of the ovular white table in the dining area attached to the kitchen and returned with two plates of food.

"It's just stir-fry. Nothing fancy. There's some salad if you want it," he offered, handing Eren a fork.

Eren nodded and stuffed his face. "Dude, I'm a college kid. Anything that hasn't been microwaved is a feast," he mumbled between bites. "So, uh, Levi lives with you?" Eren tried not to sound disappointed. He was glad that between the table and his loose sweater, there wasn't much to stare at.

Erwin perked up, swallowed what he was chewing on, and then dabbed the corners of his mouth with his napkin.

"He's my sometimes-roommate. We've done a lot of shows together so we usually end up staying together when it comes to housing. But, he likes to go out and do whatever, so he's only here some nights." He eyed the grease-stained bag resting on the table. "I can throw that away for you if you're done with it. It's kinda seeping through the bag, and Levi will kill me if I get a stain on his table."

"Oh, yeah." Eren grabbed the bag and pulled out the movie before handing it over.

He broke his promise to himself as Erwin turned around and headed toward the kitchen with the greasy bag. Without the table in the way, there was suddenly a whole lot more to look at. In an attempt to keep his eyes in chaste areas, he scooped up the movie and held it in front of his face, pretending to be examining it. Of course, it was a Redbox movie, so there was nothing to it but the title in white lettering across the surface of the DVD, but it was better than getting caught staring at another man's ass as far as Eren was concerned. Jealousy. It had to be jealousy.

The sound of a chair scraping across the floor let Eren know that Erwin was seated and that it was once again safe to look. He set the DVD down and grabbed for his fork again.

"Went for a movie while you were out?" Erwin pointed his own fork at it where Eren had set it on the table.

"Oh, yeah. Armin wanted me out of his hair so he could study, so he told me so go get some fries and a movie and to start an illegal trafficking business, but..." Eren gave a nervous laugh and stabbed at a carrot. "He probably won't let me use the TV anyway. He studies for hours."

"Well, I just set up my entertainment room the other day and I haven't gotten the chance to break it in yet. What movie is it?"

"Dark Knight Rises..." Eren trailed off a bit as he realized what Erwin was suggesting. "I, um, wanted a bit of action." He regretted the way he phrased that immediately.

"Action's good with me!" Erwin laughed, finishing up his stir-fry.

Most of Eren's was gone too, but he made a point to shovel the rest of it in his mouth as Erwin got up with his empty plate, not wanting to be alone eating at the table. He followed Erwin with his mouth full, chewing determinedly. Erwin took Eren's plate and set it in the diswasher.

"Levi will clean up later. That's all he really does when he's home. I normally try to help out, but I made dinner and everything and then he just disappeared, so that's what he gets."

Eren trailed behind Erwin as he went back to the table and stood in front of where he was sitting, at a loss for what to do.

"I'll get everything set up. Let me just..." And he moved to grab the movie, but Eren stood cluelessly in the way until he found himself engulfed by the man's sudden presence. He froze, surrounded the scent of cologne.

"Um." He backed into the table so hard he could feel the bruises forming on the back of his thighs. As suddenly as he had appeared, Erwin was gone, waving the DVD at Eren and gesturing for him to follow.

The entertainment room was upstairs, at the end of the hallway. Several couches were lined against the wall on a step above the rest of the room, facing a massive television accompanied by a pair of large speakers. It took Eren a moment to notice that the wall the television was against was made entirely out of glass.

"Woah," he breathed. Of the rooms he'd seen, this one was the nicest.

"Is it distracting?" Erwin frowed and padded over to the corner of the room, pushed a button, and a thick black curtain descended behind the TV. "Ta-da!" He laughed, moving towards the TV.

As Erwin set up the DVD, another horrendous situation presented itself. The DVD player was apparently located in the cabinet underneath the television, and to get to it, Erwin had to crouch down onto his knees, which wasn't an issue until the connection wasn't quite right and he had to crawl into the cabinet halfway to mess with the wires. Eren found everything he'd been trying to avoid staring at since he'd first seen the man on the stage blatantly in his face.

"Here, wait through the previews while I make popcorn." A remote landed lightly in his unsuspecting lap. He'd clamped his eyes shut, concluding that to be the only effective way to keep from staring. Erwin seemed not to notice.

Eren sighed in relief and rubbed his eyes. Jealousy. Envy. He repeated the words over and over in his head. There was simply no other explanation. Erwin came back faster than expected (popcorn takes way longer than that to cook, doesn't it?) and Eren's face was still in his hands.

"Are you alright? I'm not distracting you, am I?" He'd turned the lights off on his way in, and set the bowl down next to Eren as he took a seat so that it was between them.

"What? Distracting me?" Eren grabbed an oversized handful of popcorn and tried to bring it to his mouth casually, but it shifted and bits of popcorn went everywhere. Erwin laughed and plucked them up, one by one.

"Yes, like that. You're also kind of staring a lot."

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit._

"I uh." Jealousy. The word popped back into his head. "Is that really all from ballet?" He made a general gesture towards Erwin's physique. "Because I mean, I just didn't expect that and I go to the gym, but..." He rubbed his scrawny arms and looked away, knowing his face was beet-red.

Erwin blinked as if Eren were talking nonsense and then gave a small laugh as he hit the 'play' button on the remote and the movie started.

"Well, it took me several years, but yes. Between the actual dancing and doing all of the lifts, it's quite a workout. The ballerinas aren't quite as light as they look--don't tell them I said that."

Eren gave a little 'heh' but wasn't obligated to keep speaking on the matter because the movie had started.

Somewhere after Bane hurt Wayne's back and threw him into prison, Eren got tired of the lack of loud explosions and punching and he let his eyes drift closed, remarking to himself about what a long movie it was. He didn't wake up until the very last explosion. When he blinked enough to see Alfred quietly chastising a gravestone, he realized the scene was slanted slightly and it dawned on him that he'd slumped over sideways in his sleep. It took him a few seconds to register the shoulder under his head and the arm draped across his shoulders. He rocketed backwards, losing his balance.

"S-sorry! I didn't realize..."

Erwin caught his arm to keep him from falling off the couch.

"No, no. It's my fault. You fell asleep on my shoulder and I tried to wake you up, but you were out and it got a bit uncomfortable so I just adjusted a bit." He pulled Eren back to a position he could hold himself in without falling off.

"It's okay," he mumbled half-heartedly. He'd made the mistake of looking Erwin in the face and was locked in his gaze painted with mild concern. The movie continued to play, but neither of them were watching. Eren came to his senses and straightened himself out, spinning around to watch the movie and clutching his arms to his chest. The last scene played out and Erwin was quick to get up and hit the lights.

Eren hopped up and stretched, glad for the light. Erwin returned the DVD and for a moment they stood there, saying nothing.

"Well, uh, thanks for letting me use your TV." Eren shuffled backwards slightly. "I better get going."

"Oh, it's no problem. Better than spending the evening alone. I'll walk you out."

When they got to the door, both of them shared a moment of mutual hesitation; Erwin was poised in the doorframe while Eren stared up at his face, the one sight he'd seemed to overlook. They spoke up at the same time. Eren made to say 'thank you' again, but stopped, deciding what Erwin had to say was more important. They shared a little laugh.

"You first," Eren insisted.

"I just wanted to ask you something before you went. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Can I see you again?"

Eren stood completey motionless for a moment, dumbstruck. His heart pounded in his ears as the words repeated themselves in his head.

"Y-yeah. I'd like that." He was a cool guy, with a cool house. And food. The food was good. Eren smiled at him. There was nothing wrong with wanting to see Erwin again. Eren smiled wider, pleased with the way he'd worked it out for himself.

"Great!" Erwin was elated, if even a bit surprised. "Great. I'll send you a text or something. Does the number you called me with work?"

"Yeah, um. Well, I should get going. Thanks for everything!"

Eren stood there for another moment, feeling as if something should be happening, but brushed it off, gave a curt nod, and headed back to Armin's van. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has to wait through finals week to see Erwin again, but it's really worth it in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't interrupt Armin's beauty sleep. But y'know, I don't feel like Eren would toil very much figuring himself out.
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://themodernchromatic.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> ~Cass
> 
> * * *

Three days passed before Eren's phone brought him anything desireable. Every time it so much as buzzed, he found himself grabbing it anxiously, only to droop with every false alarm. He couldn't fathom why he wanted _some_ sort of contact from him. Maybe it was just because he was more fun than Armin, who kicked him out twice in those three days for 'moping' again. If anything, it made him do his homework. Some of it, at least.

When his phone finally lit up with a text from the name he'd been waiting to see (and not Jean, who thought it'd be funny to send him a text at random intervals to get his hopes up once Armin had complained when they were having lunch) he sprang up so fast he gave himself a headrush and fell backwards onto his bed again. When he could see straight, he read the text and jumped on Armin like a predator.

"ArmincanwegototheballetSaturday? Pleasepleaseplease?" He clung to Armin's shoulder.

"Eren, get off! I'm trying to finish this paper. I can't even understand you." He tried to shake Eren's hands away but he'd already grabbed handfuls of Armin's sweater and made himself immobile.

"I wanna go to the ballet this Saturday," he whined, trying to speak clearer.

"Eren, we have finals next week. I'm going to be studying this Saturday, and you should be too. Besides, I know you only want to go for one reason."

"But Armin! You wanna go for more than one reason!" He nudged him, but there was still a whining tone in his voice.

"And I have an infintessimal amount of reasons not to go. Can it wait?"

"Wait?" Eren said the word as if it were foreign to him and he fell away from Armin instantly. He looked at his phone again and debated on how to respond. The received text was quite naturally in perfect English, but Eren couldn't be bothered with that so he wasn't sure if he should break character and respond properly or just respond the way he was prone to.

_I cant. Finals. How bout later??_

He read it over and over as if they were the most important six words he'd ever written and chewed his lip as he hit 'send,' deciding he was satisfied with the structure. The response came faster than he'd anticipated.

_Not a problem. I can get you better tickets for the Saturday after this one anyway. Does that work?_

He leapt on Armin again.

"Armin! Next Saturday! Pleasepleaseplease!"

Armin let out something between a groan and a growl and spun around, trying to get Eren off again.

"Fine! Just leave me alone!"

Eren retreated to his bed, beaming. He picked up his phone and hammered out a reply.

_Yes! Thank u!_

And his phone buzzed in reply.

_Great! The show's at six on Saturday. The tickets will be waiting for you in the box office under your name._

After that, he couldn't summon the courage to reply. He'd been waiting for three days for that bit of good news, and knowing that he'd have to wait a week more deflated him. He let his phone fall on his chest and let out a puff of air as he held a grand staring contest with the ceiling. After a minute, Armin appeared above him.

"It does you no good to sit around and mope again, and I swear I'll lock you out and take your key if you interrupt me one more time so you might as well study."

He dropped a book heavily onto Eren's stomach and went back to his desk.

Eren groaned and rolled over onto what he knew would be a tormentous week of forced studying.

 

  
"YES!" A surging wave of energy released itself as Eren leapt into the air on his way out of the lecture hall where he'd taken his last final. While he knew his studying had been adequate at best, finishing the exams marked his surmounting victory, regardless of the results

Armin caught him by the arm before he could run in circles like a cooped-up kids with too much energy.

"I'm glad you're excited, but Eren, you really need to behave in public. We're not kids anymore." A light shade of pink had settled into Armin's cheeks to express how keen he was on being seen with Eren, the 'now-suspiciously-like-an-ADHD-eight-year-old' guy.

"Augh, Armin!" He pulled his open hands down from an invisible height and let them shake exictedly in front of his face. "I'm just so pumped! We don't have to go back for an eon!"

"Yes, yes, I know. Eren hates school. Are you going back home for the holidays?"

"Home?" Eren looked at Armin as if he were miles below him. "You mean an hour's drive away when I have no car? Nah. Dad said he'd stop by for Christmas, but you know how reliable his plans are."

"Ah." Armin was satisfied with his attempt to calm Eren. "You and Mikasa could always have dinner with me and grandpappy."

"You're how old and you still call him grandpappy?" Eren gave Armin another sideways look. "I think I'll pass. The last time I had dinner with you guys he spent the whole time farting and quoting dead people."

Armin scowled but brushed it off as a sheen came into his eyes.

"Say, Eren, are you sure your excitement isn't for other reasons?"

"How d'ya mean?"

"Oh, I don't know." He let his head roll away to one side. "Perhaps your sudden interest in ballet?" He met Eren's eyes with an accusing smirk.

"Free tickets. I like free." Eren shugged.

Armin harrumphed and pushed Eren softly, a gesture somewhat out of character.

"Oh, come on, Eren. You and I both know the only reason why you want to go to the ballet is because you want to see Erwin."

"What about it?" His confusion was genuine, so Armin simply raised an eyebrow and strolled out ahead of Eren.

"I don't know," he called over his shoulder. "I just think you should give some thought as to why you want to see him so badly."

The issue remained a mystery to Eren until three in the morning.

"Armin!" Eren pounced on him in the pitch black, prompting Armin to give a little squeak as he woken suddenly.

"Eren, you'd better have appendicitis," he grumbled, trying to catch his breath. Eren felt a pang of regret as he remembered that thanks to Armin's asthma, breathing was sometimes hard after he woke, and he was sure the surprise hadn't helped.

"S-sorry." He felt around the night stand for Armin's inhaler and tried to hand it to him, but it was waved away. "I think I figured out what you were talking about earlier."

"When I was explaining that question on the physics exam?" The sleep hadn't quite cleared from Armin's voice.

"No, no. About Erwin."

"Okay?"

"I think I like him."

"Okay." Armin rolled over to face the wall, hoping Eren would go away.

"Like, more than just a friend."

"Okay."

"Like, I _like_ him!"

"Mmf." Armin smothered his face into his pillow, ignoring Eren's dreamy prattling.

"Hey," Eren drawled, shaking Armin's shoulders. "Do you get what I'm saying?"

"You're gay. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Now get off me and go back to bed."

Eren retreated immediately, knowing Armin's infrequent use of expletives to mean he'd gone into dangerous territory. Armin got his revenge with a rather early breakfast. Despite it being a weekend, at six A.M. the lights went on, accompanied by a few of Beethoven's symphonies and the mysterious disappearance of Eren's blankets.

"Armin. Turn that shit off," he mumbled, instinctively reaching for where his alarm clock was.

"You better get up or I'm not driving you to the ballet today."

Eren hit the floor with a dull thunk. In his haste, he'd forgotten that he'd raised his bed so he could put his desk underneath it while he was studying for finals. He groaned and rubbed the hip he'd landed on, but knew, at the very least, he wouldn't be going back to sleep.

 

  
When he took his seat in the ballet theatre for the second time, he was much more willing to be there, but entirely more confused. The tickets had been under Aaron Jaeger (he'd frowned at the name on the envelope) but where the theatre guides had lead them in terms of their seats made him forgive the misspelling entirely. He and Armin sat high above the rest of the crowd in box seats. Beside him, Armin buzzed excitedly.

"Look!" He pointed down towards the edge of the orchestral pit where a figure stood while the orchestra tuned. "That's Hanji! She's the conductor. I met her at the party."

Eren rolled his eyes and sank back in his seat. The only thing he wanted was for the lights to go out so the ballet could start. A century later--by his calculations--they did.

It took a whole ten minutes for Erwin to appear on stage. Eren sat through a nutty toymaker getting ready for a trip, a pair of fighting siblings (which he recognized as the girl Erwin had danced with), a stage full of children dancing with toys, and the fighting siblings breaking the little wooden figurine nutcracker.

When he emerged, Eren knew it was him, but he was wearing a mask made to look like a nutcracker's head. Eren had given Armin a puzzled look, but Armin just hissed at him to wait and after the little girl went to sleep for a second time, Erwin came out without the mask. Eren clung to the balcony railing, suddenly wishing he'd brought binoculars. 

After a few minutes, an entire army of dancers wearing mouse masks came out to make trouble for the nutcracker and the girl in the nightgown, lead by a dancer in white with a crown atop his mask. Based on his height, Eren concluded that the dancer was the Levi he'd met at the party who lived with Erwin. He couldn't deny the satisfaction he felt when Erwin 'stabbed' him and he died. From there were the parts of the ballet that he'd been awake for, but he continued to watch enthralled. By the time the second act came, Eren's hands ached from clutching the balcony.

As soon as most of Erwin's dancing was done and he went to sit down to watch the procession of dances as before, Eren noticed that he wasn't always looking at center stage like he should've been, but rather, upwards and to the left, very remarkably where the balcony he was sitting in was. He gave a shy wave and could see the smile bloom on Erwin's face from where he was. Professionally, he turned back to the stage after that and kept his eyes forward.

Eren received a text immediately after the final bows and the dancers cleared the stage.

_Meet me out front by the ticket booth in 45 minutes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I once saw a post about this girl who went to a performance of Hamlet and kept making eyes at the actor and then he noticed and pulled her aside afterwards and they banged and wow pshpshpsh. That wasn't what I was going for at all. Psh.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets a little heart-to-heart with just about everyone because he's not quite as sure as he likes to think he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still feel like these chapters are too short >>  
> Anyway, it's starting to pick up, so the chapters will probably get longer on their own. butyeah
> 
> Find me on [tumblr!](http://themodernchromatic.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ~Cass
> 
> * * *

The cold wasn't bothering Eren. He bounced about with his hands stuffed in his pockets, but wasn't uncomfortable. From between his intricately wrapped scarves, Armin glared at him, mumbling about the temperature. There weren't many people around anymore, aside from the occasional pedestrian as one would have it in New York, so it had only gotten colder. By the time Erwin arrived, Armin clung to Eren so tightly he swung around when Eren turned to greet him.

"Hey," he breathed, a little cloud puffing out as he talked. With him were two others, one being the dancer who'd been the girl in the night gown, who looked much older in person, and the other being Levi, who looked even more miserable from the cold than Armin.

"This is Petra. She's our Clara. And you know Levi."

Eren shook Petra's gloved hand with his own and received a cold-induced glare from Levi in exchange for the smile he tried to give him. Levi gave Erwin a firm nudge without pulling his hands out of his jacket pocket.

"Right, well. We better get going before Levi's nose turns into an icicle because I know he'll skewer me with it if it does." He laughed loudly and Eren and Petra giggled as well, then set a hand on Eren's shoulder and began steering him towards the parking garage closest to the theatre. "We'll be heading to a little jazz club we like to go to--provided Armin's over eighteen, that is."

Armin gave a vigorous nod, too cold and angry to say anything.

"Did you guys drive here?" Erwin remained to be the only one speaking of the group. The hand on Eren's shoulder withdrew as he answered.

"Nah, Armin didn't want to pay for parking so we just took the subway."

Erwin hummed and went on about parking passes for everything he had to do in the city where he'd need to park, and how he hadn't even thought about parking prices since he'd gotten to New York--six months ago, Eren learned, when he was commissioned for the annual showing of the Nutcracker.

When they got to his car, a sleek black and slender thing, it was about the only one in the lot. He held the passenger door open and gestured for Eren to take a seat. As he obliged, Eren missed the angrier-than-normal glare Levi gave Erwin and the stern look of authority he returned. The ride was short and warm, but the back seat was silent the entire way, the only conversation taking place in the front between Eren and Erwin, lighthearted and comfortable. Neither seemed to notice the anger or awkwardness behind them.

Once inside, Levi headed straight for the bar and wasn't seen again for the rest of the night. No one bothered to check their IDs at the door, even though the place was surprisingly crowded for a jazz club. Petra and Armin talked politely enough without Levi between them moping and looking daggers at Eren. For the remaining two, they could've been shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers before they'd notice the crowd or even Armin and Petra for that matter.

"So, Eren, I take it you're a student?" Erwin smiled and gestured towards the university lanyard dangling out of Eren's pocket from his keychain.

"Oh, uh." Eren tucked it back into his pocket. He'd been keeping his eyes on Erwin's face, deciding that was a better alternative to looking elsewhere like he wanted to. "Yeah. I'm a sophmore."

"I see. Major?"

"I couldn't decide on anything I wanted to be so I went with business. Nothing fancy. Armin's an engineering major."

"I went to school for architecture once upon a time." Erwin leaned back, lacing his fingers together behind his head. The two were seated together on a couch in the lounge, Armin and Petra a few feet away in a pair of arm chairs.

"How did that go?" Eren eyed Erwin curiously and he sat up again.

"Terribly. I loved designing buildings, but I didn't want to jump through all the hoops involved in becoming an architect. I'd been dancing since I was fourteen, hoping my mom would get the message, and after a semester of hating college, I ran off and auditioned for the Boston ballet."

"Hoping your mom would get the message? What message?" Eren gave Erwin a confused look.

"Uh." Erwin examined him for any signs of joking but found nothing but sincere confusion. "That I really wanted to be a dancer," he said decisively, as if it were obvious.

He coughed a little to clear his throat and then declared that he needed a drink and would return shortly. He came back with a beer and handed a soda to Eren.

"Anyway, I spent a couple years there doing shows and studying Russian and when I had a good grasp on the language I went to Moscow to try for the big leagues. It took me a couple of auditions to make it anywhere in Russia, but after that I spent five years there. When I was twenty-seven I went to France with a company where I met Levi and I stayed there for three years, then six months ago I came here."

"Oh. Wow." Eren looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't know you were thirty. Or that you knew Russian. Or that you were so successful. I doubt I'll do anything more than work in a cubicle after college." Erwin's biography had neglected to mention any of the things Eren had just learned and suddenly he felt very young and insignificant.

"It's not really that impressive. Most of my roles overseas were minor. But hey," he gave Eren a playful nudge. "Life's what you make of it."

"Yeah, I guess."

They were silent for a moment, and Eren, who had stopped looking at Erwin in his embarassment, noticed him staring out of the corner of his eye and met the stare with a questioning look.

"Can I ask you something personal?" Erwin eyed him carefully.

"Uh, sure I guess," Eren mumbled, set ablaze by the stare.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No." Eren didn't really get how that was a personal question.

"Have you ever had one?"

"Kinda? Not really, I guess. There were some girls who liked me in high school, and I took one of them to prom, but nothing lasted for long. Why do you ask?"

"Eren. You stare a lot. And not really at women."

_Shit. This again._

"So what if I stare? It's a free country."

Erwin opened his mouth to say something but then turned his head to the side and brought the beer bottle to his lips. He'd struck a nerve, he could tell. He took a long swig so that he finished the remaining quarter of his beer and set the empty bottle down.

"Nevermind that then." He cleared his throat. "I'm going to get another beer. Do you want more soda or are you good?"

Eren gave his can an experimental swirl, feeling the liquid slosh around heavily and shook his head. He couldn't help but look as Erwin made his way back to the bar. Another hour passed without anything eventful happening until Armin declared it was late and that they ought to be heading home.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Erwin had stood as soon as Eren did.

"You've been drinking..." Eren looked at the two empty beer bottles on the coffee table and jumped when Erwin laughed.

"I had two beers an hour ago, and I've been sitting here drinking water since." He shook his glass lightly for emphasis. "Besides, I'm a big man and I used to live in Russia. I can handle my liquor, unlike some people." He ruffled Eren's hair playfully.

"It's alright, thank you though." Armin spoke for him. "There's a sub station just outside."

"We ought to get going too," Petra said, nodding. "We've got another show tomorrow as it is. I'll go find Levi. It was a pleasure meeting both of you!" She shook each of their hands and left.

"I'll walk you out."

Outside, Armin decided he preferred waiting underground out of the wind to waiting for Eren and Erwin in the cold, so he said a quick goodbye to Erwin and ran into the subway, telling Eren he'd wait at the gate with their tickets.

"This was fun. We should do it again."

"Well, I'm out of school until next semester starts, so it's not like I'm busy."

A grin spread across Erwin's face as he stood there looking down at Eren.

"I'll send you a text then." He glanced over at the entrance to the subway. "You should go. Armin's probably still cold down there."

"Oh. Yeah. Bye then!" He turned to leave, but a hand on his wrist caught his attention. He was pulled up against something and it took him a moment to process that he was being hugged.

"I'm glad I got to see you."

Eren felt his surprise melt away. Slowly, he brought up his hands to return the hug.

"Me too."

 

 

"What's wrong with you now? I swear you break down more than your car does."

Eren lifted his face out of his pillow to retort.

"I'm not breaking down!" He let himelf fall back into the pillow before groaning and flopping onto his back. "Armin. He knows."

"Yeah, of course he knows. All you do is stare at his butt."

"Hey," he protested, thrusting a finger into the air to articulate his point. "It's a nice butt."

"I don't get what the problem is."

"I don't want him to know! It's embarrassing!"

"You're an idiot." Armin said flatly. He'd turned back to his desk, having found some sort of homework to do.

"Do you think he likes me?"

"What are you, blind? You sound like an eight-year-old girl. He gave you box tickets to his show, then forced his friend with some sort of superiority-complex to sit in the back seat while you sat up front, and then spent the entire night flirting with you. What do you think?"

"No?"

He dodged a pillow as Armin grabbed it and aimed for his head.

"Okay, okay." Eren tossed the pillow back onto Armin's bed. "But what do I do?"

"Tell him? I don't know, Eren. You said he already knows and he clearly likes you so maybe you just have to let him know that you're not totally opposed to the idea? I don't know. Do I look like a love expert to you?"

"Well you're an expert on everything else."

Armin blushed hard.

"Am not. I just...study a lot." He tapped his fingertips together nervoulsy. "But no one writes textbooks on relationships. Ask J--no, ask Marco. He's dating Jean so I'm sure he can tell you all the weird gay rituals not covered by television."

"There's no such thing as weird gay rituals. What are you--wait, Marco's dating Jean?"

"Yeah? You didn't know?"

"What the FUCK?" Eren spat, sitting up and hitting his head on the ceiling. He was regretting raising his bed so high. "Ow. Fuck. When did that happen?"

"A couple months ago. Jeez. No wonder you couldn't tell Erwin likes you. You really are blind..."

"I am not!" Eren hopped off his bunk, still rubbing his head.

"Right. Sasha and Connie are dating too."

"What? Since when!"

Armin laughed. "Just kidding. They're not. But he likes her. Shows how much _you_ know."

"Okay, fine. So maybe I don't see that much. But that still doesn't tell me what to do. I mean, I don't even know if I like him, maybe I just like his butt! Girls can have nice butts too. Is that a thing? Could I be like, butt-sexual?"

"I don't think you should use the term 'butt-sexual' in trying to argue that you're _not_ gay," Armin muttered. "But maybe you should just wait it out and see what happens. Gay or not, you might not even like him as a person, but you have to get yourself to stop staring at his butt first." He gave Eren a smack on the arm to drive his point home.

"Thanks, Armin." Eren smirked and grabbed his friend's head with one arm, using the other to rub his fist into Armin's hair. "You have a cute butt too."

"Eren!"

 

 

  
He heard from Erwin a day after. It was as nerve-wracking as he'd expected; it took him an hour to reply to the text message, as casual as it was, and he had to psyche himself out enough to not just abandon his phone altogether.

_How'd you like to go out for dinner tomorrow?_

Eren stared at the little lit-up screen until it turned itself off. He turned it back on and shoved it in Armin's face, but they were in Connie's suite somehow crammed in with everyone in the little space they had around the TV. He had some sort of room mate, but he was perpetually stoned and never in the dorm, so Connie had the place to himself as well as the TV and gaming system. It was ideal for their group. Armin was too busy playing a game on the Wii to look at Eren's text so he sat in the kitchenette with his feet drawn up on a chair, just staring at the words.

He wanted to say yes, of course. But then, he didn't want to seem too eager--and what if he decided to go somewhere fancy? He was sure he didn't own any clothes suitable, and there was no way he was going to ask to borrow something from Jean and Marco again. If it weren't for Mikasa and Sasha, he would've gotten his ass kicked for borrowing that shirt they'd stolen. And then, he'd have to worry about money too. It'd taken everything he had to spare to get his car fixed, which is why his diet consisted mostly of cheap snack food and McDonald's. He couldn't possibly ask Erwin to pay for anything his still rather teenage-like appetite would demand. The more he looked at the text message, the more his horror grew.

"Hey, champ." A hand appeared on his shoulder, the grip somewhat hesitant. Eren looked up to see Marco giving him a half smile. His eyes darted across the room to glare at Armin, but he was still too into the game to notice. "Wanna talk?"

"Uh." Eren could feel Jean's eyes boring into him.

"We can take a walk if you want."

Eren nodded. When they were outside in the halls, Marco continued.

"You're not quite yourself."

"What did Armin tell you?"

Marco shrugged. "Just that you might be confused and that you like to pout now."

"I do not pout," Eren pouted, crossing his arms over his chest as Marco held open the door for them to go outside.

"Anyway, he thought maybe you'd like to talk to someone who kinda gets what you're going through."

They strolled in silence--Eren was still pouting--until they reached the center of the dorm courtyard and sat down at a picnic table. It was cold, but not terribly so, so they were comfortable being stationary.

"When did you know?" Eren's curiousity broke his pout.

"That I was gay?" Marco rubbed his chin and looked up at the sky. "I can't even remember. I've just never really liked girls much. Too chattery and curvy, and most of them wear entirely too much makeup. If you could get along with Jean for ten seconds he'd be better for this. He wasn't so sure."

Eren adopted a wicked grin, sure he was about to get some good dirt to bother Jean with later.

"Don't make that face. I'm not taking sides, but if you bother him about this, I get permission to tell him." Eren grimaced and Marco went back to what he was saying. "Anyway, he wasn't so sure anyone would be that supportive of it and he didn't really want to be 'that guy' so he just kinda ignored it for awhile--is that kinda what you're feeling?"

"Eh, I guess. I mean." Eren paused, looking into Marco's eyes for signs of sincerity, still unsure if he could trust him. "I don't really care about being 'that guy' or whatever. All I know is that I like his ass."

"Have you ever liked anyone else's ass?" Marco looked slightly uncomfortable with the word.

"Yes? Maybe. I don't know." Eren shook his head.

"Hm. What about this: how would you feel if he told you he was moving away and would never see you again?"

"Shit," Eren hissed, pushing his hand through his hair. "Pretty bad I guess."

"So you'd miss him?"

Eren hesitated, letting the question sink in. He barely knew him, sure, and they'd only met in person a few times, not that they communicated that much outside of that. Yet, Eren knew the answer to that question without having to ask himself. He stopped pushing himself to think about it and looked up at Marco and he knew the answer too.

"I think you're a little more sure of yourself than you think." Marco smiled and hopped off of the picnic table. He motioned for Eren to follow and furrowed his brow when he continued to sit with his hand over his mouth, looking to be in thought, but not entirely happy about it. "Something still wrong?"

"Yeah, kinda," Eren murmured through his fingers. He stopped staring into space to look at Marco. "I just...I fuck everything up. I don't wanna do that here."

Marco's face softened. "Well, that's a little bit more like you. Angsty self-loathing, you could trademark it. Just relax and let whatever happens, happen. Things tend to go wrong more often when you worry about them, I think."

Eren jumped off the picnic table as well, frowning a little, but reassured.

"You're too good for him, you know?" He laughed, heading back towards the building.

"So says my mother, every day."

"Smart lady."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha fun fact the 'butt-sexual' thing was mine because I prefer staring at butts over dating and I tried to justify that to my friends and they basically did what Armin did like 'uhhhh you like it up the butt?'   
> butts are nice, okay.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go out to dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck I just gave myself a cavity writing this holy shit it's so sWEET I CANNOT.  
> I next chapter will go up after I go to the dentist. 
> 
> Find me on [tumblr!](http://themodernchromatic.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ~Cass
> 
> * * *

He was trying hard to ignore Armin's scrutinizing eyes. He'd taken off and discarded at least four outfits in the last ten minutes, and Armin had done nothing but watch. With Marco's help, Eren had managed to set up dinner plans, although the location was a mystery, so Eren still didn't know what to wear. After a fifth failed outift, he threw a sweater at Armin.

"Can you not just sit there smirking at me?"

"But it's fun to watch you suffer."

Eren groaned and tore through another one of his drawers. Everything he wanted to wear was either too casual, or too dirty, or too ill-suited for the cold--too this or too that and there was no way he'd ever find anything suitable. He turned back to Armin.

"Help me!" He begged, but Armin just shrugged.

"What do you want, fairy godmother magic?"

"I don't know what to wear. Please." He drew out the 'e' in please until Armin rolled his eyes and walked over to his (clean) half of the room and opened one of his drawers.

"Here." He tossed a green sweater at Eren. It landed skillfully on his head (he supposed Armin was getting way too good with his aim) and he pulled it away to marvel at it. It was simple enough, plain green with a turtleneck, and warm enough, made of some soft wool material Eren couldn't name. He flipped it over as if there was some sort of trick to it and then pulled it on over his head and looked down.

"Pants," he said desperately, looking at his ratty jeans.

"Beige."

Eren set about digging through his drawer of pants.

"And just wear brown shoes. You're welcome."

A few minutes passed and he'd managed to find items matching Armin's criteria and had pulled them on hastily, already a little too warm from the sweater.

"How do I look?"

Armin peered up over the rims of his reading glasses--he'd either finished his homework or set the rest aside for later and decided to read--and gave Eren a half-smile.

"You look like you worry too much."

"Really?" Eren spun around, trying to see it as if it were a stain on his pants.

"Yes, really. Just be yourself. You're a dork and for some reason this highly-acclaimed, probably loaded, incredibly attractive, and could-definitely-do much-better-than-you man likes that. So just be yourself."

Eren gave him a flat look and a sarcastic 'thanks.'

"So what's the plan?" Armin grinned, relishing Eren's sarcasm.

"He's picking me up at six."

"It's six-ten."

"FUCK."

 

After the fifth time he apologized for being late, the majority of Eren's initial nerves were eased as Erwin set a hand atop his head. They'd come to a stop light and Eren had used the momentary lapse in conversation to apologize again before Erwin decided he'd had enough. The motion began as something of a plunk, like hitting snooze on an alarm clock, but softened into an affectionate hair-ruffle.

"I already told you it wasn't a big deal. I'm in no rush, so a few minutes here or there won't kill us." He smiled and turned back to the road in front of them as the light turned green and Eren was able to relax a little.

Eren had never heard of the restaurant--presumably because he'd only been in the city a few times, and only as a college student, so it followed that he wouldn't know of a steakhouse like the one they arrived at. It was way more high-class than anything Eren could afford to go to on a regular basis, but not outlandishly so.

"Wow. I've never been here--there's not a dress code, is there?" Eren took another look at his outfit as if it had grown mediocre in the car.

"No, no. It's not that fancy. You look great." Erwin gave him one of his trademark smiles and set a hand lightly between Eren's shoulder blades to usher him inside.

"Oh, uh. Thanks. You look good too."

He wasn't lying. Maybe it was the years of stage performance, but Erwin's hair was a masterpiece, not a hair out of place but also not gelled or sprayed down. Eren had, on the way out of his dorm, remembered to brush his, though the run afterwards may have undone any progress there. Still, Erwin was a vision of elegance in red and black, a white collar sticking out of his red sweater. Eren noted that the only item of clothing he wore that didn't seem straight out of a fashion magazine was a bolo tie that glinted a shade of blue not far off from Erwin's eyes. Even then, it didn't seem out of place on him. Were it not for Erwin's hand on his back, he would've stopped walking ages ago.

To his surprise, Erwin gave his name to the hostess and she lead them away from the louder bar area to a calm, darker dining room where they were seated at a booth, a few tea lights flickering on the table.

"You made a reservation?" Eren said incredulously.  
  
"Not really. I like this place, so I come here a lot. An old friend of mine actually owns the place, so he makes sure there's always a table for me." Erwin's smile was somewhat mysterious in the dim lighting.

"I couldn't frequent a place like this if I wanted to..."

Eren looked around tentatively. He hadn't even bothered to look at the menu for fear of the prices, so when the waitress came by for their drinks, he simply ordered water. Erwin named some sort of French wine with a rather remarkable accent that left Eren dazed until he remembered Erwin had lived in France. As soon as the waitress left, Eren felt Erwin's gaze fall heavily on him.

"What?" His eyes flickered up and down Erwin's face, his nerves sparking to see it painted with annoyance.

"I won't have you worrying about prices. Water. Really?"

Eren pursed his lips and looked away.

"I mean it. This is my treat."

The waitress returned with their drinks and asked if they were ready to order, which, as Eren hadn't even touched his menu, was not the case.

"Do you know what you want, Eren?" Erwin looked at him expectantly, but Eren just furrowed his brow at the closed menu and looked up at him helplessly. When it was clear enough to Erwin that he wouldn't be able to shake Eren of feeling guilty about the prices he nudged him under the table with his foot to get him to look up.

"Any allergies?"

"Uh, no?"

"Vegetarian?"  
  
"No."

Erwin smiled and turned to the waitress who'd been patiently standing there while Eren pouted.

"We'll take two orders of the filet mignon, and let Nile know Erwin is here. He'll do the rest."

The waitress looked confused for a moment but wrote down the orders and went as far as to ask Erwin how to spell his name before leaving again, with the menus in hand. Eren never would get to see the prices.

"Worry's not good for someone your age," Erwin murmured into his wine glass.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just..." Nervous. He was nervous. He knew why. Erwin knew why. But he couldn't say that to him, even if he'd already made enough of a fool out of himself. A light touch on the back of his hand made him look up. He'd looked away again, of course. He was having difficulty making eye contact, or really even holding conversation. Something in his mind had already given up on salvaging his night of endless embarrassments.

"It's alright, really it is."

Erwin's smile was just warm enough to curb his anxieties again.

"It's with an 'e'." Eren said suddenly finding his voice.

"Beg your pardon?"

"My name. On the tickets the other day you left them for 'Aaron Jaeger'. It's an 'e'. E-r-e-n."

Erwin looked like he'd just mistaken Eren for a girl.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't realize--"

"No, it's alright. It happens all the time. I just wanted you to know."

And for what he was sure was the first time that evening, Eren gave him a genuine smile.

They got to chatting about the city and how it seemed to have a life of its own and Eren told him about the first time he'd really gone into Times Square when Armin wanted to see a Broadway show. It was around a year ago, some time in December and it had been so bitterly cold that Armin wasn't willing to wait in line for tickets so the group had a massive rock-paper-scissors tournament to determine who would buy the tickets and Eren had lost so many times that he gave up and volunteered. He waited in the cold for an hour while the others hid out in a pizza place.

Erwin, in turn, told him stories about Russia's infamous cold, and before long the two were laughing about some of the most ridiculous things people had done to keep warm. Most of them were simply superstitious and the two were in the midst of laughing about one old woman who believed the cold to be determined by the number of cats she fed every spring when their food arrived. The sever who brought it was not the waitress from before, but a tall, gruff-looking man about Erwin's age.

"You rotten old man," the server growled playfully after setting down the plates and getting a brief hug from Erwin.

"Me? Rotten? Have you been looking in the mirror? The only one of us who's gotten any older is you." The two men laughed.

"Who's your friend?" The man asked. He was dressed better than any of the servers, and not in a uniform so Eren assumed him to be the Nile Erwin had mentioned when ordering from the waitress.

"Oh, this is Eren. I ran him down on the sidewalk the other day and he just keeps turning up."

Eren stood to shake the man's hand as Erwin confirmed his assumptions. The two men chatted briefly while Eren watched the interaction. They could've been brothers for the way they acted. After a few minutes, Nile informed them that he had things to take care of and left the bill on the table. Erwin took it before Eren had a chance to even think about touching it.

"A bit preemptive, I know. But really, it's not as bad as you think, and I'm sure you can guess his reasons for delivering it to an old friend in person." Erwin motioned towards the untouched plates, still cooling on the table. "You first."

Eren found the meat surprisingly easy to cut and brought a small piece to his mouth. At first, it was nothing special, but the more he chewed, the better it seemed to get and by the time he swallowed the small bite, his eyes were as big as saucers. Erwin's expectant look dissolved into laughter as Eren descended on the plate.

The rest of the meal was rather uneventful in comparison; the two engaged in only small talk (mostly due to the fact that Eren wouldn't stop eating long enough to say anything) and a couple glasses of wine disappeared between them. Erwin kept giving Eren sips of it until they'd polished off four glasses. When they got around to leaving, Eren couldn't even remember why he had ever felt nervous in the first place.

"Would you like to go for a walk? There's a park just down the street and they have lights up right now." Erwin's hand was on Eren's back again, leading him out of the restaurant.

He nodded. He couldn't have had much more than a glass of wine to himself, but he walked as if on a cloud. In the park, he pointed out things with awe and wonder as if he'd never seen Christmas lights in a park before. The two strolled along the pathways, enchanted--Eren by his strange surge of giddy feelings, and Erwin by watching him and catching a little of the infectious spirit. The came to stop under a large oak tree lit up from trunk to top, with a set of golden lights for every branch and leaf.

"It's so beautiful," Eren breathed. He was sure he'd never said that about Christmas lights, or anything for that matter, and probably never would again.

"You think so?" Erwin craned his head as he looked around, then turned back to Eren and watched him carefully. Periodically throughout their walk, he'd placed his hand on Eren's back as he'd done several times before. Eren didn't seem opposed to it, so he'd assumed that he didn't mind. "Eren."

He turned away from the sight at the sound of his name. Two fingers came up under his chin to lift his face upwards. There was still a significant amount of space between them, and the fingers on his chin were barely touching him, but time seemed to stop, their eyes locked.

"I like the way the lights look most when they're reflections in your eyes."

Eren's head spun. He could've easily pulled away, but his stomach fluttered as he saw what Erwin meant. Eren could see the lights in his eyes too, and it was breathtaking.

"I should hope that the assumptions I've made aren't wrong, but now's your chance to deny them."

Eren swallowed nervously.

"Are you interested in me, Eren?"

Against Erwin's fingers, Eren nodded. His heart was pounding in his ears and Erwin's responsive smile was doing little to quiet it. The fingers under his chin slid back and curled under.

"Now's your chance to pull away," Erwin murmured, leaning in. Eren's eyes were already sliding closed.

Their lips met softly, as if not at all, a simple warm, cushioned contact. Eren reached up instinctually and let his fingertips rest on Erwin's jaw and the hand under his chin moved to cup his cheek and pull him closer. Another hand slid behind him and stopped on the small of his back. Softly and calmly, they moved into one another, their lips parting ever so slightly in tandem. Their motions were like breathing and when they finally broke apart, they looked at one another like they'd been under water for their entire lives and had until that moment, been drowning.

With a start, Eren seemed to realize what had just happened and turned a deep red, his hand retracting as he turned away bashfully. His hand went to his mouth, stifling a bout of laughter as it bubbled up. It wasn't like he hadn't kissed anyone before--there were a few girls in high school, so he knew the kiss wasn't anything close to bad. But he'd never felt anything like what he was feeling from that kiss, light and buoyant. He couldn't help but laugh at the tickling sensation in his stomach, at his doubtlessly red and burning cheeks, at the tingling of his lips.

"What? Was it bad? I promise I don't kiss like a school girl all the time, I just didn't want to..." The look on Erwin's face was something between amusement and confusion and he trailed off as Eren waved his assumptions away.

"No, no," he giggled. Erwin had started to laugh a little as well. "I just feel so...airy?"

Erwin seemed to accept that as a good reason to laugh after kissing someone and let himself join Eren. They laughed together there under the tree until they weren't sure why they were laughing anymore and Erwin wrapped an arm around Eren's waist to lead him back.

"You're a nut," he laughed accusingly.

"And you're a cracker!" Eren countered.

"What?"

"Get it? Nut-cracker?"

They laughed all the way back to Erwin's car.

When they got a hold of themselves again, they sat in the parking lot for a moment while the engine heated up. Eren noticed Erwin habitually place his hand on the stick, even though he hadn't made to move it out of park yet. He placed his hand on top of Erwin's. The older man turned to give him a quizzical look.

"Will you teach me to drive a manual?"

Erwin's smile spread and he slipped his hand out from under Eren's so he could grab it instead and laced their fingers together.

"Of course."

They sat in silence for another minute. Eren looked at their hands. Erwin's hand wasn't as large as he thought it would be in comparison to his, and the fit was comfortable. He hoped his hand wasn't cold or clammy like it always seemed to be. He took his eyes off their hands to look at Erwin again.

"I don't want to go back to my dorm."

"Hm." Erwin glanced at the clock. "Well, it's only eight-thirty."

"Could we get a movie?"

Erwin smiled.

"Of course."

  
They couldn't find anywhere with a Redbox on their way back to Erwin's house--Erwin said the route back had to be jinxed somehow for them to not be able to find one in New York--so they opted to pick from the collection he had at home. As it turned out, the back wall in the entertainment room they'd been in last time opened up to reveal rows and rows of movies. Eren had to stand on the couch to see the top row.

"Christ, how many movies do you have?" He ran his fingers along the rows.

"Who knows? I only bought a few of those. I haven't even seen most of them, to be honest."

"And you alphabetized them?"

"No," Erwin laughed. "Levi did that. Most of these are his. And I think most of them are in French."

"That would explain some things," Eren muttered, squinting at the foreign names. He found one he recognized. "Fight Club. I've heard of this one. Is it any good?"

Erwin's eyebrows disappeared into his bangs.

"Is it any good," he mocked, grabbing the DVD from Eren.

Eren sank down to a sitting position on the couch from where he was standing, his knees drawn up in front of him while Erwin set up the DVD player again. He didn't draw the curtains this time, and the TV stood out from the glass which held the spectacle of the city's lights in its spread. It was beautiful, but Eren wasn't looking at it, but rather at Erwin, bent over the DVD player.

"Eren," he called, without looking away. "I know you're staring."

"Pfft." Eren made an overly-exaggerated attempt to dismiss the statement and ended up spitting all over himself in the effort. "Am not."

Erwin turned around to him wiping his face on the back of his hands. He rubbed them into his jeans and cursed his complexion as he felt his face get hot with blush. Erwin smiled deviously and walked over to turn the lights out, then took a seat next to Eren, placing his arm around his shoulders as he hit play.

Eren lasted until the two friends started beating one another in the bar parking lot before he got distracted. The movie was thrilling, but he couldn't bring himself to stay interested with the weight of Erwin's arm across his shoulders. A few minutes after Erwin had initially put his arm around him, Eren was comfortable enough to curl up to Erwin, but he was leaning at an angle and his back had started to hurt. He straightened up, pulling away from Erwin and effectively getting his attention.

"So, what you were saying earlier," Eren said out of the side of his mouth, still pretending to be watching the movie. "About not kissing like a school girl. You'll have to prove it." His eyes flicked over to Erwin, who gave him a bemused look.

"Later," he whispered, as if they were in the theater. But he drew out the word as if he didn't really want to say it.

"Coward." Eren turned back to the screen, feeling mischievous and wondering if his plan would work.

"Eren." The tone was warning, but only half so.

Eren didn't say anything, but was sure to scoot forward on the couch so that Erwin's arm slid off his shoulders and they weren't in contact but for their knees. Hands came around his waist rapidly, but surprisingly gently, pulling him backwards. Erwin gave him a scolding look, to which his only response was a smirk.

"You asked for it, remember," Erwin growled.

His hand came up to Eren's neck, pulling him in with one swift motion so that their faces met with a force enough to make Eren's stomach flip. He gasped into Erwin's mouth and felt the lips against his curl into a smile. A low chuckle rumbled in Erwin's throat as he pushed forward. Eren lost his balance and threw a hand out to catch himself.  
  
If their first kiss was breathing, this one was war. At first, it was all Eren could do to keep up with him, trying to follow his motions--a nip here, the tip of the tongue there, and the startling sensation of Erwin sucking on his upper lip following shortly after. But he gained ground and started to push back, kissing harder, rolling his chin as if to lead them. It was a playful game of who could push harder, with more fire, but Erwin ended the play by opening his mouth.

Eren had never felt particularly inspired to excessive tongue kissing in his experience, and the little he had was sloppy and unenjoyable, so the sheer skill caught him off guard long enough for Erwin to snake an arm around his back and dip him, the other arm going up under the backs of his knees. Erwin moved him so that he sat perpendicular to him, his feet on the couch across Erwin's lap and his bottom flush to the thigh closest to him. It'd be all too easy for Erwin to push him onto his back. The thought went straight to his groin. He twisted a hand into Erwin's hair and hoped he wouldn't notice him adjusting himself.

All at once, the door to the entertainment room opened with a bang, and the lights came on, accompanied by an angry stream of French. The two broke apart like a pair of interrupted teens. Eren scrambled to get his feet on his side of the couch, keeping his knees up and praying for himself to relax. Erwin straightened up, smoothing down his hair. He paused the movie and Eren leaned around him to see Levi standing in the doorway, one hand on his hip, the other holding out a pair of shoes that looked comically large in his hand.

"The fuck did I tell you about wiping your feet?"

"Probably the same thing I told you about smoking in the house," Erwin replied cooly. Eren sank back behind him so that Levi was out of view. The two bantered back and forth for a bit, and Levi left in a huff, calling out over his shoulder.

"Any sort of mess the two of you make in there, you're cleaning. I don't touch bodily fluids."

If anything, that ensured the end of Eren's arousal. He sat up straight and put his feet on the floor and Erwin cleared his throat.

"Well. Probably for the best." He smoothed out the rest of Eren's wreck job of his hair and resumed the movie, the lights still on.

"Uh." Eren searched for words, feeling everything was somehow his fault. "We don't have to if you'd rather..." He reached for the remote, but Erwin set it out of his reach.

"No, no." He took Eren's cheek into his hand to wipe away the disappointment on his face. "It's not that I don't want to, but an hour ago, you'd never so much as held my hand, and to be honest, that was a little much for both of us."

He placed a chaste kiss on Eren's forehead and held out his arm, inviting him closer. Oddly enough, Eren felt relieved and cuddled in under the arm.

  
He didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke up, buildings were crashing down on a night scene. Jerking awake alerted Erwin, who must've noticed he fell asleep some time ago and laughed.

"Are you always going to sleep through our dates?"

"Hey," Eren yawned. "I'm pretty sure the first one wasn't a date."

"And yet you fell asleep anyway. Nut."

"Cracker."

They laughed at their new joke and Erwin stood, leaving Eren cold without his body heat.

"Come on, nut. Let's get you home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking for a beta! Please message me on tumblr. <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go mattress shopping and Eren is a pushy dork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk this chapter felt long but it looks so short.  
> Shout-out to my awesome beta, [snk-sexual](http://snk-sexual.tumblr.com/)! If there's a mistake at the end it's because I'm posting it without letting her go over the last bit because I've already taken forever with this chapter as it is. .-.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://themodernchromatic.tumblr.com/)
> 
> * * *

Going back to his dorm felt like leaving a dream. He'd been out for maybe five or six hours and it was well past midnight when he got there. To his surprise, Armin was still awake.

"What're you doing up?"

Armin was kneeling on the ground with his back to Eren and he turned around and smiled.

"How did your date go?"

Eren turned a shade of red and pushed his question again.

"No, but really. It's like one AM."

"I'm packing. Tomorrow's dorm check. If you're still here you gotta pay the holiday fee to stay." He stuffed a pile of shirts into a suitcase. "You are going home, right?"

"Uh." Eren looked around at the mess of his side of the room. The last he'd heard from his dad was that he'd still be overseas for the holiday, so Eren hadn't made any plans to go home. He didn't think his car had the muscle to make it that far in its current state, and he certainly couldn't get a ride from anyone. He pulled out his phone and hit one of the speed dial numbers.

"Hey, Mikasa, what are we doing for the holiday break?"

"Eren." The tone was scolding. "You didn't make any plans to go home, did you? Sasha invited me to her house for the holiday so that's where I'm going."

"Oh."

"How'd your date go?"

Eren grunted and hung up.

"Yeah, I don't know. I guess I'll just stay here."

"Eren, the fee's five hundred dollars."

"It's what?!" He groaned and ran a hand down his face. "Can I-- 

"Absolutely not." Armin had finished his packing and stood up, brushing himself off.

"But you said--"

"I said you and Mikasa could have Christmas dinner with us. Not that you could stay until they let you back into the dorms. And the invitation was extended mostly to the both of you because she keeps you in check and grandpappy likes her better."

Eren groaned again. He grabbed his suitcase from under his bed (which he'd finally lowered) and started stuffing in clothes he deemed clean.

"So you're going home after all?"

Eren growled and stuffed everything in with more force.

"No. I doubt my car will make it that far. The mechanics said it was fixed, but it's still making that noise. I'm probably just going to find somewhere I can park for free and sleep in it."

"Eren, you can't live in your car." Armin sat down on his bed.

"So I can stay with you for the holiday?"

Armin looked cornered.

 

"I never said that." When Eren continued looking at him expectantly he sighed. "Eren, you know we don't have a spare bedroom. I still have a twin-sized bed! If you really can't find a place to stay, I guess I can figure something out, let you sleep on the couch or something, but I don't wanna have to share a room with you for the whole year."

"Gee, thanks, Armin." Eren leapt up and jumped onto Armin's bed to give him a rather unwanted hug. He fell away, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket.

"Mikasa?" He hadn't bothered to check the caller ID.

"No, Eren. It's me. Erwin."

"Oh." He glanced at Armin wearily. "Hold on." He ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind himself, ignoring Armin's bemused look.

"Sorry. What's up?"

"I just wanted to make sure you made it back to your dorm alright. I just got home." He sounded somewhat tired, as if he were relieved to be there. Eren pictured him walking around his big, empty house with the phone tucked under his ear, taking off his socks and relaxing in front of the fireplace with some cocoa or something. The image made him somewhat sad, if only because he couldn't join him.

"Oh, yeah." He was still dwelling on the thought. "I had a lot of fun tonight."

"Me too," Erwin breathed from the other end of the phone. "Are you alright? You sound sad."

Damn he was perceptive.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just have to sort out some living space for the holidays or face a five hundred dollar fee to stay in my dorm." He went on to explain why it was such a pain and how unnecessarily complicated everything was. He didn't want to say what he was really thinking about.

The other end of the phone was silent for a moment, then Erwin spoke again.

"Is that all you need? Five hundred?"

"What? No. You are not going to pay for that. I can't let you, it's way too much." He felt somewhat panicked. Since becoming a broke college student, he hated imposing on others for money. A sum like that was out of the question.

"It's not a big deal. I'm not exactly pressed for money. And you don't even have to pay it back. I don't mind." He laughed. "It's a selfish cause anyway, wanting to keep you close."

Eren felt his face grow hotter.

"I really can't. It's too much." He didn't like it. Any of it. He didn't want to risk driving to his house, didn't want to sleep on Armin's couch, and didn't want to pay five hundred dollars -- or worse, let Erwin pay five hundred dollars -- for him to stay in the dorms.

"Well if you won't take the money, you're always welcome to stay here with me. Lord knows I've got extra rooms. There's only one spare bed and that's Levi's, but I was planning on getting another one anyway. I mean, if you're comfortable with it, that is." He added the last bit as an afterthought.

"I, um." Eren hesitated. He'd known Erwin for what--three weeks? It wasn't like he didn't want to; it was certainly a better option than his car or Armin's couch. And he wasn't entirely uncomfortable with it either, which surprised him. But he didn't want it to have any adverse effects on their growing relationship. Still, he couldn't help himself. "Yeah. I mean, if it's alright with you. I don't want to impose or anything..."

"No, I'd be happy to help! What time do you need to be out of there by?"

"Uh. I'm not sure. I'm probably just gonna get in my car and go to lunch, then go to your house or something? I don't know." Eren shuffled his feet. He was sitting on the toilet with the lid down, still not willing to go back into the room. He was glad they didn't have to use the community bathrooms.

"Well just give me a call, okay? I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna head to bed. I just wanted to call you and make sure you got back to your dorm. Goodnight, Eren. Sleep tight."

"Goodnight, Erwin. You too." He'd be lying if he said wishing him goodnight didn't give him weird mushy feelings. The call ended and he went back into his room.

Armin took one look at his pink cheeks and gave him a shit-eating grin

"So I take it the date went pretty well?"

"Shut up, Armin."

 

He'd been in his car for something like half an hour, quietly working himself up to calling Erwin. Already mildly-odorous, it was beginning to smell like Taco Bell, he'd been waiting so long. He'd gotten a couple of tacos and had eaten one of them, but lost his appetite halfway through and the remains sat in a bag on the passenger seat, getting soggy. He stared at the screen of his phone, where Erwin's name was highlighted in his contacts list. Taking a deep breath, he hit 'call' and wondered why he was still so nervous.

Before Erwin answered, he remembered the kiss he'd dared him into and caught his breath for a moment. He tried to push away the thought of how quickly it had turned into a throbbing in his pants.

"Hello? Eren?" The voice was curious, distant. Eren must've missed the first hello.

"Oh, sorry. Signal. Yeah, I'm heading over now. If I call you again, it's because my trashy car fell apart on the road." He tried to laugh away his nerves.

The call ended after some brief 'goodbye's and 'see you soon's and Eren tossed his phone onto the passenger seat. The drive was short and he arrived without incident. Erwin came outside before Eren had even gotten the chance to get out and ring the doorbell. As he climbed out of his car, Erwin pulled him into a hug.

"You smell like fast food," he remarked.

"Taco Bell," Eren mumbled into Erwin's shoulder. He wondered quietly if greeting kisses were within bounds yet. They hadn't kissed goodnight when Erwin dropped him off.

"Let me get your bags then," Erwin offered, letting go of him.

"They're in the back seat."

Erwin moved to get them, but they were across the seat, on the other side of the car. His solution was to bend over, lean across the seat, and grab them. Eren swallowed, trying to look away, but he got the feeling the position wasn't accidental. He zeroed in on the paint job on the house's trim, looking for any imperfections. Erwin had his bags under his arms and came up behind him with a hand on Eren's shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye, Eren thought he saw a bit of mild disappointment.

Erwin lead him upstairs to a rather (completely, actually) empty room where he set Eren's luggage. The room was plenty large, with smooth dark wood for the flooring, featuring a window on the far wall. Other than that, the walls were a blank white. It took him a minute to notice, but only thing that caught Eren's attention was the fact that the room was lit by a skylight rather than electric lighting.

"A window and a skylight?" Eren turned around to Erwin to mock him.

"You survive enough of Russia's winter and suddenly you like the sun a lot more." He shrugged. "We'll have to go shopping for a bed." He saw Eren's expression change and spoke again before he could protest. "Don't give me that look. I was going to do it anyway. We'll also have to pick out some paint, and some other furniture wouldn't be a bad idea either."

Eren looked at the empty room, trying to picture things that would look good in it, but all he saw were white walls.

"My whole house is like this. I wish I had the time. It always feels so empty." He looked at the empty walls in a way Eren could only describe as longingly for another minute or two before he cleared his throat and straightened himself. "Anyway, I guess you already ate, so I'll give you a minute if you need it. I'll be downstairs when you're ready. Bathroom's down the hall to the left."

He exited with one of his signature smiles and Eren stood forlornly in the empty room, trying to decide what to do. The empty silence was nice, and between it and Erwin's laid-back countenance on his arrival, Eren wasn't feeling anxious about staying with him anymore. He decided that he needed to go to the bathroom and did exactly that.

Erwin was leaning against his counter in the kitchen when Eren managed to find him, a newspaper folded over in his hands. Eren raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're how old again?"

Erwin looked slightly off-put by the question.

"Thirty." His answer was somewhat cooler than necessary.

"You sure you're not ninety? That's about the age of the last person I saw reading an actual newspaper." Eren laughed and Erwin nodded along slowly as if to say he understood.

The ride to the mattress store was oddly quiet. So much so that by the time they arrived, Eren poked Erwin in the cheek experimentally, trying to prompt some sort of verbalization out of him.

"What?" It was a half-formed question, almost a statement.

"Why aren't you talking? You always talk."

He gave an inquiring hum and stared at Eren's genuine confusion for a minute before he said anything again.

"Do you really think I'm old?"

"Do I--what?"

Erwin continued to stare at him until he outright laughed.

"Why would I think you're old? I mean, yeah, you're older than me, but it doesn't really bother me. Like, why would it even matter?"

Erwin's eyes remained fixed on him for a moment, searching for signs of sincerity. Apparently satisfied, he broke into a smile. Eren smiled too, and it widened when Erwin set a hand on his cheek and drew him in for a kiss.

"What was that for?" It'd been more intense than Eren expected, and when he drew away, he had to take in a good bit of air to compensate.

"You're amazing," Erwin breathed, nuzzling his forehead to Eren's. Eren didn't completely understand, but he was glad that Erwin was out of his bad mood.

 

They spent a good two hours in the mattress store, just looking at all of the different beds, trying some, and laughing at the most outlandish ones, purples and greens with canopies and pillows practically made of rhinestones. Between he and Erwin, there were no bold kisses, nor was there even hand holding, but Erwin seemed to naturally lead Eren around with a reassuring hand on his back. They laughed for no reason at all and had been standing in front of the bed they'd decided on for a good five minutes just talking and laughing when the sales clerk approached them.

"So did you decide on something?" The man stood before them, looking almost impatient, as if he'd been there for an hour waiting for them to notice him.

"Yes, it's lucky you're here! I was afraid we'd get lost trying to find our way back here if we had to find someone." Erwin smiled and the man and Eren laughed. Neither of them seemed fully aware of how close they were standing.

"Yeah, good thing." His tone had a bite to it. "You buying this one or what?"

"Yes," Erwin began somewhat tentatively. The pretty smile had faded from his face and he'd unconsciously stepped sideways to where Eren was slightly behind him. He eyed the man's name tag. "'Partner for one year'?" He read from it.

"Yeah."

"Would you mind getting us another sales clerk? I have a few questions and I'd just feel more comfortable asking someone with a bit more experience."

The man narrowed his eyes at Erwin and stalked off with a brittle "Yes, sir."

Eren tugged on Erwin's sleeve when the man was out of earshot.

"Why'd you do that?"

Erwin turned to him, his eyebrows knit together. He sighed.

"You're new to this, dear. That man was a bigot if I've ever seen one. Best not to deal with them if you can avoid it."

Eren stood there for a moment taking in what had just happened. He hadn't even noticed. He'd been too busy with Erwin. It was something he hadn't even considered; he went to a liberal college surrounded by liberal people and gay friends. He put a name on the feeling in his stomach. Scared. He was scared.

"Hey." Erwin's voice brought him back to earth. "Things like this happen. It's okay. Well, I mean, it's not okay, but you're gonna be okay."

He tried to take Erwin’s reassuring smile seriously, but it was hard to do. Aside from a brief moment of fear, Eren was suddenly furious that anyone would ever be so blatantly rude to customers based on presumptions and stupid prejudices. However, he found it impossible to stay angry when their new sales clerk arrived.

“Christa?” He couldn’t help staring incredulously at the little blonde. Under her name it said that she’d been a partner for three years.

“Oh, hi! Eren, right? You’re in my eco class!” She put out a tiny hand and he shook it.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting anyone my age when we asked for someone more experienced.”

“Yeah, no people ask for different clerks all the time when that guy tries to help out anyway. I got this job in high school though so I just kinda stuck with it.” She smiled sunnily. “What can I help you with?”

She didn’t even seem to notice how peculiar and suspicious it would seem for Eren to be mattress shopping with another, much older man.

“We just wanted to buy this bed set. The package comes with the frame, right?”

“And complementary sheets!” She nodded.

“Excellent, we’ll take it.”

Erwin went about reading through some of the papers she’d brought with her on a clipboard, warranty or something boring, he assumed, when realization struck. Erwin wasn’t buying the bed. Eren wasn’t buying it. They were. Every time any reference to it was made, they’d used ‘we’ and ‘us’. For a moment, Eren spaced out, imagining Erwin welcoming him to ‘our home.’ He grounded himself immediately. He’d only known Erwin for a few weeks, and such thoughts were certainly premature. Yet they made him smile anyhow.

“Alright, I guess that’s fine. It’s at least worth the wait, thank you!”

“No, my pleasure! See you around, Eren!”

Erwin’s hand came up to Eren’s shoulder again, steering him toward the exit.

“What was that all about?” He’d missed the entire conversation when he spaced out.

“I thought they had same-day delivery, but the soonest they can get it to us is tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

Snow had started to fall in the parking lot and they climbed into Erwin’s car to get out of the chilly air.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it. You can have my bed for the night. I’m fine on the couch.”

“No! I’ll sleep on the couch. I’m already camping out at your house. I’m not gonna take your bed too.”

“Eren,” he began in a teasing voice. “What kind of host would I be if I made you sleep on the couch? You’re my guest.” He did a theatrical bow, his forehead nearly hitting the steering wheel.

“It’s fine, really! My other option for the holidays was Armin’s house and he was gonna make me sleep on the couch anyway, and I’ve slept on his couch. It’s old and lumpy. Your couches are still better.”

“Nope. My house, my rules. You’re sleeping in the bed.”

He couldn’t really argue with logic like that and stayed silent for a moment while Erwin started the car. A mischievous grin crept onto his face.

“Okay, but so are you.”

Erwin turned to look at Eren so fast that for a second, he thought he was angry. All signs of their playful banter were gone.

“Eren. I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” He cleared his throat and put the car in reverse as he backed out of the space.

His bubble burst, and some line clearly crossed, they were on the highway before either of them spoke again.

“Look,” Erwin began, keeping his eyes on the road. “It’s not that I don’t like the idea, I just think it’d be better to relax.” He turned his head to sneak Eren a smile, then gestured towards the manual stick under his right hand.

“You wanted me to teach you how to drive manual, here’s lesson number one. Well, two because one involves the clutch, but nevermind that. You can’t just jump from gear one to gear three. The engine can’t take it.”

“No, I didn’t mean…” Eren turned away, his face flushing red. He wasn’t sure what he’d meant.

Erwin’s hand came down on his head to ruffle his hair. It seemed to be his instinctive reaction to Eren’s embarrassment.

“Don’t worry about it, okay?”

 

Eren didn’t dare risk interrupting Erwin’s momentum as he watched him cook dinner. With his dad always away on business, he’d spent hours in the kitchen cooking with his mother, but she always seemed to have a space for him. Erwin moved about like a freight train, in purposeful, unstoppable motions. Eren watched for awhile, but eventually got tired of smelling the food without getting any of it and took out his phone to distract himself.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but the next thing he was aware of was Erwin behind him, looking over his shoulder.

“Is that Mario?”

“No, it’s this new game. Flappy bird. It’s really dumb, but it’s addicting. You’re basically meant to fail.”

“You just tap it?” He wiped his hands on a dishtowel.

“Yeah. And just fly through the little pipe things. Wanna try?”

Erwin laughed and took the phone.

“Sure, why not. We have a few minutes on the oven anyway.”

He tapped the screen once and gave a dismayed look when the bird inevitably went ‘smack’ on the ground.

“You have to keep tapping it.”

Erwin continued to play, failing miserably with Eren coaching him at his side. Several minutes passed and the two laughed as Erwin hit pipes every time without fail.

“No, no, after you go through the pipes.” Eren pointed at the screen and Erwin gave him a helpless look, then froze, sniffed the air and darted toward the oven.

He came back with a slightly crispy pan of potatoes au gratin and set them on the counter while he made out plates. He wiped his brow of nonexistent sweat and laughed.

“That damned game almost burned my potatoes.”

He handed Eren a plate and they sat down at the table together. A third was left on the counter and Levi appeared, snatched it, then went back to wherever he’d come from.

Eren put his phone away, for good measure, but he and Erwin continued to strategize on flappy bird. The ultimate conclusion was that there was no strategy other than tapping at the appropriate time. They finished eating talking about flappy bird and other strange fad app games, cleaned the kitchen (though Erwin mentioned that Levi would probably scoff at their definition of clean and do it again himself later), then retired to the entertainment room to watch some television.

Eren managed to stay awake through it, though he theorized that it had something to do with Erwin’s animated commentary on the side, and his own pounding heart. Erwin had been disappointed again that Eren hadn’t seen the show--Game of Thrones--and sat him down to watch it.

“Wait, they’re fucking? Aren’t those two siblings?”

“Uh, yeah…” Erwin laughed nervously. “Just watch.”

Eren kept his eyes on the screen wearily, for the moment enjoying Erwin’s company and the arm around him more than the actual entertainment.

“What the fuck? That kid!”

He turned to Erwin who just laughed while he grabbed for the remote to get the next episode set up. Eren continued to fume at the show while Erwin dropped little hints he didn’t realize were spoilers until later. They binge-watched four episodes until Erwin declared that it was time for bed and turned off the tv.

Eren eyed himself in the mirror. He’d changed into his pajamas, but was prolonging leaving the bathroom because he knew Erwin was somewhere out there waiting to say goodnight. He splashed a little water on his face, stretched, and sat down on the bathroom floor, letting his head loll backwards as he thought of how his day had gone. It seemed strange almost, like a weird dream or a lapse in time. Not even a month ago, he’d figured he was straight and just hadn’t found the right girl, but there he was, plopped on the bathroom floor in a house belonging to the first person he’d ever had genuine romantic feelings for. And after only a matter of weeks, no less. He chuckled to himself and wondered if what he was doing was crazy. Probably.

With a big sigh, he got to his feet and started down the hall, peering in rooms for Erwin. Aside from the entertainment room and what he knew to be Erwin’s bedroom, there were four rooms, one with the door shut tight--Levi’s, he assumed--another as the one his luggage was in, then a much smaller one, like an office, and another bedroom, both empty. Erwin wasn’t in any of them and Eren found him in his bedroom, relaxed in a chair with a book in his lap.

“Oh, you’re done.” He stood and set the book on the chair. “You didn’t have to use the hall bathroom. You can use the master bathroom if you need to go during the night.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Erwin walked across the room and pulled Eren into a hug.

“Well, goodnight.” He kissed the top of Eren’s head and let go, then headed for the door.

Eren followed him, but stopped in the door frame.

“Last chance,” he called. Erwin turned and gave him a little laugh.

“Eren,” he chided. “I said no.”

“What if I can’t sleep? I have a hard time falling asleep alone.” It was a petty little lie, but he was at least making an attempt on his behalf.

Erwin close his eyes and let out a sigh through his nose.

“I’m leaving when you fall asleep.”

 

He didn’t lay down. Instead he sat up against the headboard with his book, reading by the light of a lamp on the nightstand. Eren contented himself to curl up to him anyway, his arm thrown haphazardly around Erwin’s waist.

“Hey, Erwin.” He watched a pair of blue eyes flick down at him away from the book. “Why is it such a big deal? You can’t stay?”

“No,” he confirmed. “I can’t stay for a number of reasons, but primarily it’s because I don’t want to rush anything.”

“I’m not asking you to do anything,” Eren protested weakly, blushing a little.

“I know, but still. We--this...I wouldn’t even call it anything official yet.”

“Can it be?”

Erwin was silent for a moment, then set his hand on Eren’s shoulder and rubbed softly with his thumb.

“Yeah. I’d like that.” He cleared his throat of any excessive tenderness. “But I’m still not staying. Now get some sleep, nut.”

“Goodnight, cracker.”

A little laugh.

“Goodnight, Eren.”

 

Eren woke up oddly cold. Erwin's bed felt massive and Eren deduced that he wasn't big enough to warm it by himself. He slid out from under the covers shivering. Erwin had kept his promise, leaving the other side of the bed empty and the lamp turned off. The countenance of the room without him matched its physical state, cold and dark. Or Eren was just really tired. Either way, he knew he wouldn't be falling back asleep so he headed for the door, creeping carefully across the cold hardwood floor. The balcony allowed him to look over the living room where the couches were situated around the fireplace. As he approached the railing, he heard a telltale chime a few times, then an anguished noise, doubtlessly Erwin. Eren crept down the stairs.

"How many are you up to now?"

Erwin nearly jumped out of his skin, his phone slipping from his hands as he reacted to Eren sneaking up behind him. He placed a hand to his chest like Eren had given him a heart attack and let out a shaky laugh.

"Jesus, Eren. You scared the shit out of me." He grabbed his phone and closed the app. "I just got to twenty." He raised an eyebrow at Eren leaning over the back of the couch. "Why are you up?"

"It's cold in your room. I think the bed's too big for me to keep it warm on my own."

"You're a little punk, you know that?"

Eren put his hands up in front of himself, feigning innocence.

"I'm serious!"

He rounded the couch and sat down in front of Erwin, whose legs were under a blanket across the length of the couch. He moved back, although not entirely willingly. Eren invited himself under the blanket and moved closer to Erwin, who pulled himself into more of a sitting position and remained rather rigid there. For Eren, the difference was massive and he knew instantly he'd be warm enough to fall asleep again. Above him, Erwin let out an annoyed sigh. Eren had elected to face away from him, but Erwin was still sitting up and the two of them barely fit on the couch, despite its unusual size and 'L' shape.

"I could turn up the thermostat," he suggested, half in motion already. Eren shook his head.

"Waste of money."

"Eren," he groaned, knowing that wasn't what he was concerned about.

"Erwin." Eren mimicked his tone and turned over. He looked up at Erwin and met his eyes.

"Please?" He watched Erwin grit his teeth and sleepily rub at one eye. His eyebrows knit together as Eren maintained his stare, admittedly adding in his best sad puppy eyes. Erwin's shoulders dropped as he conceded.

"Hands to yourself," he grunted, moving back into a horizontal position. "I know you like my ass."

Eren wrapped his arms around Erwin's neck as if to say they'd stay above the waist area. And of course, to bring himself closer. After a minute, Erwin looped a hand around his back, sure to keep some space between them.

"Hey, Erwin." Above him, Erwin hummed in response. "How come you let me sleep in your bed when I was drunk and not now?"

"Because I hadn't decided."

"Decided on what?" He was quiet for a moment and Eren leaned back, wondering if he'd fallen asleep. He met Eren's curious gaze with a light smile.

"If it was okay to fall for you or not."

"Oh." A beat. "But then how come--" To his great surprise, Erwin shut him up with a kiss. He pulled back way too soon and Eren was left leaning in for more that wasn't coming.

"I tend to be rather neutral about things I don't have a fully-formed opinion on. But about things I'm decided on, I'm very serious. Leave it at that."

Eren gave him a puzzled look but laid the issue to rest and moved as close as Erwin would let him, successfully resting his head under Erwin's chin. He started to laugh a little as he thought and when Erwin questioned it, he could feel the vibrations of his throat against his forehead.

"It's just, we were arguing over who would get the bed and now we're both on the couch."

"Yeah, because you're a little punk. Now go to sleep."

Eren nodded against Erwin's chin and then nodded off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They put together Eren's bed, Erwin plays the piano, then Eren makes a fool of himself. A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS TOOK FOREVER AND I'M SORRY. Some of these scenes have been in my head forever and I couldn't decide where to put them. THANK YOU TO MY AMAZING BETA!
> 
> Listen to [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VctuKi7QwcM) if you wanna know what Erwin was supposed to be playing. The ridiculous runs (aka, the cadenza) can be found at 9:14 if you don't feel like listening to ten minutes of music. 
> 
> As always, you can find me on [tumblr](http://themodernchromatic.tumblr.com/)  
> ~Cass
> 
> * * *

When he woke up again, he had no other way to describe it than 'well-rested,' which, after his college sleeping habits, was very much a strange concept. It didn't change the fact that he was alone again. But he wasn't the slightest bit cold; he suspected Erwin had turned the heat up like he said he would. The sun was streaming in through every window in the house and it had an oddly cheery feel to it. It took him awhile to find his phone, but when he did he wondered how a house could possibly feel so bright on December twenty-second, though it was also noon, so he figured that had a hand in it too.

Erwin was nowhere to be found, and though Levi's door was still tightly shut, there was no evidence of light coming out from under it. He wondered if Levi's room was the only one in the house without a window for it to be that dark.

He found his answer in a little note on the counter in the kitchen from Erwin, telling him that he (and consequently Levi) had a rehearsal and would be back around two, and to help himself to anything in the fridge (with a postscript on not burning the house down should he try to cook anything.) Lastly, it mentioned to direct the delivery men up to his room if they came with the mattress.

He dug around in the fridge until he found a yogurt and decided it made a sufficient breakfast and polished it off before facing the impending boredom of being broke (his car hated the cold more than Armin did) and stuck in an empty house.

He changed into clean clothes and stuffed his dirty ones in the bottom of his suitcase, vowing to wash them later, then remembered the disheveled state he'd left Erwin's bed in and darted off to fix it. It was still a mess and it dawned on him that it meant that he hadn't gone back to his bed after they'd fallen asleep on the couch. Eren smiled to himself and pulled the covers back into some semblance of order before he noticed something on the floor by the corner of the bed. Curiosity spiked at the strangely familiar shape, Eren picked up the item between two fingers and nearly dropped it, confirming it to be exactly what he thought it was.

He held it with a bit of panic, trying to ignore the forming result of both the item in question and his recent and rather unresolved proximity to Erwin. He looked down at it in his hands as if to confirm whether or not he had simply imagined it, but it was still there, still very real. Erwin Smith owned a thong.

Eren’s morning wood also seemed to have no qualms with that.

_Not now...why this?_

Eren looked at the ceiling in anguish. Just holding it was enough to make his mind wander. He couldn’t help but picture Erwin wearing it, now that he’d found it. He couldn’t fathom why Erwin owned it in the first place, but he was beyond caring, his mind locking onto the uncomfortable throbbing in his pants. Another thought occurred to him.

I’m alone in the house.

Somewhere in him was his conscience, trying to fight back, because _Eren you really shouldn’t jerk off in your boyfriend’s room holding his underwear_ but between ‘boyfriend’ and ‘underwear’ his mind wasn’t able to process the other words. His pants fell to the ground with a soft thud and he worked the waistband of his boxers over his hips, then hopped backwards onto Erwin’s bed.

_I’ll make it quick_ , he thought, slowly working a hand over himself.

He shut his eyes and let his head roll back, toes curling. With his eyes closed it was easier to let his imagination run wild, and his fist curled around the thong. He thought of the first night he’d kissed Erwin and how he’d dared him to kiss him without holding back and how incredibly intense it had been and he decided to continue the memory as if they hadn’t been interrupted.

He pictured Erwin’s tongue sliding into his mouth as he continued pushing him backwards, until he was flat on his back and Erwin was above him, his hands slowly exploring Eren’s body. He wanted to feel Erwin’s hands on his hips, his mouth at his neck while he slowly unzipped Eren’s pants. He wanted Erwin’s weight bearing down on him, his legs spread with Erwin somewhere between them. He wanted to feel Erwin’s lips tracing kisses down his body, from his neck down his torso, circling his navel and continuing south. He wanted Erwin’s hands in his pants, sliding into his boxers and grabbing onto him, lightly, teasingly. He wanted Erwin’s mouth hovering over him, ready to replace his hands and take his cock into—

A slamming door from downstairs halted Eren’s hand for a fraction of a second.

Panic spread as he heard Erwin calling out his name. He threw the thong approximately where he’d found it and hobbled into the bathroom, hand still at his groin, trying to avoid tripping over his own pants. He shut the door behind himself and slumped against the wall, careful to grab a bit of toilet paper before his did. He bit down onto his lip, hearing footsteps on the stairs as he finished as quietly as he could. He threw the used toilet paper into the toilet and pulled his pants over his hips hastily, his underwear bundling up. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands. Erwin called his name again and he tumbled out of the bathroom breathing like a marathon runner.

“Oh, you’re home,” he laughed nervously, hoping he looked somewhat casual.

“Yeah,” Erwin replied, eyeing him curiously. “Did the, uh, mattress guys come?”

“Nope!” Eren wiped his wet hands on his jeans.

“Oh. Well. I trust you slept well? Or did you come back here because the couch was uncomfortable?”

“No, I woke up on the couch. I just wanted to make the bed since I kinda left it a mess.”

“Oh.” Erwin looked over at his hastily-made bed and Eren hoped he didn’t notice the little wrinkle he’d left from sitting on it. He watched Erwin’s eyes travel to the floor where Eren had tossed the thong, less hidden than when Eren had stumbled across it. “Oh, that’s where that went.”

Eren wanted to laugh at how casually he said it, as if it were a missing sock.

“Your…?”

“Oh.” Erwin seemed to remember it was something of a personal item as he picked it up. “It’s a dance belt. We wear them under our tights, for obvious reasons. The idea behind the design is ‘no seams,’ hence the...lack of fabric.”

“Oh, uh,” Eren looked away nervously, trying not to look guilty. Erwin didn’t seem to think anything of it and walked over to a drawer to put the thing away. “So yeah…”

Erwin laughed.

“Sorry, I hope that wasn’t weird. It must’ve fallen out of my bag this morning when I was grabbing stuff for practice. Luckily I had an extra one, but that one’s new and they’re always a little bit uncomfortable when you first get them so I wanted to break it in before the Christmas eve performance.”

Eren nodded slowly. He was standing in the middle of Erwin’s bedroom while he talked about his underwear.

“Anyway, I brought lunch if you want some.”

“Oh, yeah.” Eren followed Erwin out, glad for the distraction.

As soon as Eren walked into the kitchen, Levi gave him a sideways glance, pulled out a pack of cigarettes and left without a word. Erwin didn’t seem to notice, chatting amicably about his rehearsal and pulling food out of a large brown paper bag. Eren wasn’t bothered by Levi’s aloof behavior; he couldn’t even recall a time the two had ever talked to each other directly, but he wasn’t listening to Erwin either. He regretted getting off so early in the morning since it only made him exhausted and unable to focus on anything. He was falling asleep in his salad and it took Erwin calling his name several times to wake him up.

“Did you not sleep well after all?” Erwin looked somewhat disappointed, though whether it was at himself or Eren, he wasn’t sure.

“No, I slept fine. Believe it or not the couch is more comfortable than my stupid college bed.” He yawned and tried to wake himself up more. “Just my stupid sleep schedule catching up with me I guess.”

“Well, you’ve got the whole break to fix it.” Erwin laughed in spite of himself.

Eren nodded along accordingly and picked at his salad, still more tired than hungry. Erwin finished up right as the doorbell rang.

“Ah, that must be the mattress.”

Eren’s head swiveled around as he watched Erwin get up and head for the door. He looked down at his half-eaten salad, put the plastic lid back on its to-go container and stuck it in the fridge, then followed after Erwin. He nearly bumped into him in the living room, still stumbling about in his lethargy. Erwin was conducting the delivery men inside and up the staircase, but he still had a smile to spare for Eren when he turned around.

The delivery men set the mattress in ‘Eren’s’ room and Erwin thanked them with some cash and set about opening one of the cardboard boxes they’d brought in. Eren watched the men leave and his eyes landed on Erwin, slightly bent over as he pulled tape off of the larger of the two boxes. Were his libido at full-throttle (and it was slowly coming back), he would have relished the opportunity to stare, but he was still drained from earlier.

“What’re the boxes for?” He sat down on the smaller one and eyed the mattress leaning against the wall.

“Eren, don’t sit on that,” Erwin chided. “We need to build the bed frame. You can’t just put the mattress on the floor.”

“Oh. Right.” Eren would’ve definitely just put the mattress on the floor.

“Up.” Erwin shooed him off of the box and he rolled onto the floor. “Eren.”

He looked up at Erwin, looking at him with a mildly amused expression, hands on his hips.

“Are you going to help? If not I’m going to call _you_ the first official furniture in this room. You make a nice rug.” He knelt down and started on the tape of the box Eren had been sitting on.

Eren groaned and rolled over again, landing his head in Erwin’s lap. Erwin looked down at him skeptically.

“Do we _have_ to?”  

“Put the bed frame together? Yes.” He lifted Eren out of his lap. “Just open the box. I’m gonna go get a screwdriver.”

Eren straightened up and decided not to loaf around since he wasn’t exactly paying rent and tore the tape off of the box. He peered inside and found a number of metal parts along with a bag of screws and a set of instructions. He was trying to make sense of the instructions when Erwin came back, a toolbox under one arm and a stereo under the other. He set the toolbox down next to Eren and plugged in the stereo, then plugged his phone into the speakers.

“Work music,” he explained as Eren eyed him curiously. What came on was most certainly not work music.

“You are gonna put me to sleep.” Eren rocked backwards and lay on the ground again.

“Oh hush. This is Sibelius. The ballet I’m working on for the next show is Valse Triste. It’s just about his only ballet. You’ll see. You can’t sleep through Sibelius.” Erwin’s eyes shone and Eren sat up and started pulling things out of the box. It was clear to Eren then that he’d struck something of a passionate nerve.

“Why’d you decide to do ballet anyway?”

“Hm?” Erwin had grabbed the instructions and didn’t seem to be having any more luck with them than Eren had. “Oh, well I wasn’t lying when I said I used it as a way to tell my mom that I was gay, which is pretty dumb in retrospect since a good portion of the guys I’ve met dancing have been straight anyway. But I, uh, was something of a music nerd in high school. And middle school too.” He laughed nervously.

“No way?” Eren tried to picture Erwin with acne and braces, clutching a trumpet.

“Yeah, I played piano for fifteen years and cello for nine. I didn’t do much of anything back then other than that. But I got tired of just playing the music, and nobody seemed to get as into it as I did, and after a time I got tired of even the piano. I wanted to interact with the music so I started dancing.”

“Christ. Fifteen years?” Eren gawked at him.

“Yeah, my mom started me on the piano when I was eight and I kept it up after I started dancing. Cello always made me feel like I was cheating on the piano and it wasn’t any fun after high school since I wasn’t symphony-calibur.” He gave a small smile, remembering something. “Sometimes I find I have more in common with the musicians in the pit than the other dancers. But at the end of the day, it just feels better to dance.”

“What the hell _don’t_ you do? Fly?”

“There’s been some speculation about that. I jump pretty high…”

“Now I wanna hear you play.” Eren laughed.

“Really?” Erwin looked at the contents of the boxes, scattered across the floor, then at the instructions in his hand. “I have a piano downstairs…”

“What?” Eren furrowed his brow, wondering how he hadn’t noticed something as big as a piano.

“Yeah, it was a gift from my mom. She gave it to me right when I came back to the States.”

“Who the hell gives a piano as a gift?” Eren muttered, mostly to himself. Erwin set down the instruction sheet.

“My dad used to head one of the largest international airlines in the nation, but he died when I was in high school so he left a lot for me and mom, and she’s never been good at saving. Not that she really needs to.” Erwin scratched the back of his head idly. “Anyway, downstairs. This isn’t going anywhere and I haven’t played in a long time.”

He muttered something about being able to understand the instructions better if they were just in Russian and left, leaving Eren to follow.

The piano was somewhat hidden, which was why Eren never noticed it. It got a room to itself, but didn’t seem out of place in the empty whiteness unlike everything else in the similarly decorated rooms of Erwin’s house. Erwin took the cover off of the piano and sat down at the bench, then patted a space next to him for Eren to sit with him.

“I won’t get in the way?”

“Nah. I’m not going to play anything too hectic.”

He seemed to contradict himself the way he cracked his knuckles. His fingers hovered over the keys for a fraction of a second.

“Hm. Actually, I don’t know what I’m going to play.” His fingers continued to stay there, suspended in the air until they came down completely without warning, with sudden and immense force, dragging out the space between the notes. After a few seconds, his hands stopped moving again.

Eren thought he was done, but his eyes were closed and he was swaying slightly.

“What are you doing?” He whispered as if he were interrupting something.

“Counting rests. This is where the orchestra plays.” His eyes remained shut and he hummed softly, then his hands came down again, much slower and more controlled, graceful. Eren watched the way Erwin’s fingers moved autonomously, impossibly fast. His movements ranged from incredibly controlled to erratic, and a low point of the music seemed to come then Erwin reached across Eren for the lowest notes on the instrument. Eren slid off the bench, trying to stay out of Erwin’s way.

The music grew louder slowly, building on itself, and Eren recognized the main theme being repeated in between Erwin’s impossible runs. He kept his eyes on Erwin’s hands until he finished and twisted around to see Eren’s reaction.

Eren clapped, grinning like crazy.

“Not bad if I do say so myself.” He stretched out his shoulders. “Especially since I’ve scarcely touched this thing since I got it.”

“Why? You’re amazing!” Eren sat down next to Erwin on the bench again.

“Ah, well. I don’t have a world of empty time like I used to when I played. It’s addicting. Besides, now I have even less time than I used to.”

“Why’s that?”

Erwin cupped Eren’s face and kissed his forehead.

“You.”

“Oh.” Eren tried to keep himself from turning red but he knew it wouldn’t work.

He felt Erwin smile against his forehead. Erwin tilted Eren’s chin up and closed the space between them. The kiss was gentle and brief and Erwin pulled away with a peaceful look on his face. Dissatisfied, Eren leaned in again somewhat forcefully, as if trying to resolve all of his earlier tensions. Erwin met him with a similar, but more controlled force and the kiss deepened. He latched on to Erwin’s bottom lip and tugged at it lightly with his teeth. In turn, Erwin worked a hand into Eren’s hair and he took that as the go-ahead to wrap his arms around Erwin’s neck.

A hand around Eren’s waist brought him closer. Between them, the two gasped for breath but it only made the kiss harder. Eren could feel a growing hunger behind the kiss and threw a leg over Erwin’s, straddling him. The hands in his hair and on his waist retreated and Erwin halted the kiss rather abruptly, moving Eren off of him effortlessly so that he came down on the piano with a dissonant clang.

Erwin stood, pushing the bench back with him as he did so. He offered a chaste kiss to the top of Eren’s head to try to ease the confused look of off his face.

“Alright, now we actually have to put the bed together.”

Eren scrunched his eyebrows and nodded quietly.

“Yeah.”

 

It took them a few hours to get the frame together, mostly due to the confusing instructions and Eren’s lack of willingness to participate. He kept avoiding the manual labor by doing this or that, but Erwin didn’t seem bothered by it so he kept it up as a joke, helping out as needed. As song after song played from Erwin’s stereo, Eren would occasionally try to interpret them through dance. At first, Erwin had given him strange looks until he decided he’d had enough and set down the piece he’d been working on.

“What are you doing?”

“Interpretive dance.”

“Not like that you’re not.” Erwin gestured towards Eren’s bare feet. “Point your toes.”

“ _Oui, Mademoiselle_ Dance.” Eren smirked and pointed his toes.

“ _Monsieur_ ,” Erwin corrected as he proceeded to chastise Eren about his form in French.

Eren blinked and tried to ignore how erotic Erwin’s French was.

“Hands here and here.” Erwin moved Eren’s hands into place. “Now straighten your spine. Shoulders back. There.”

He stood back to admire his handiwork as Eren tried to hold the pose. It didn’t work. Eren dissolved into giggles, feeling pretentious and out of place. Erwin smiled and struck the pose he’d put Eren in and Eren sobered up, admiring Erwin’s form.

“Pff. You can’t expect me to do that.” Eren grinned, tearing his eyes away from Erwin.

“You’re right.” Erwin dropped his pose and placed the instructions in Eren’s hands. “You build the bed and I’ll dance.”

“Alright, alright, fine, I’ll help.”

They finished slowly, too distracted to really work, then hauled the mattress onto the frame and added the bedding that had been delivered as well, and stood back to admire their handiwork.

“Not bad if I do say so myself.” Erwin examined it with a hand on his chin.

Eren took a running start and jumped on it face-first, then rolled over and spread his arms on it.

“It’s great!” He propped himself up on one elbow and looked Erwin in the eye. “But a bit too big for just me.”

“Would you behave?” Erwin crossed his arms and looked around at the empty walls. “We should paint it next.”

“Not today,” Eren groaned, collapsing back onto the bed.

“No,” Erwin agreed. “But later for sure.”

Simply being horizontal had started to take its toll on Eren and he nodded, suddenly exhausted. He stared up at the skylight, the light outside waning as the sun set. He figured it was around six or so, the thought rather distant in his mind as he let his eyes close. From somewhere in front of him he heard Erwin’s voice.

“I’m going to go make dinner. I’ll call you down when it’s ready.”

Eren nodded again, already half asleep.

 

When he woke again, the room was nearly completely dark. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep, but it was enough for him to feel groggy and sluggish. He rolled out of bed rubbing his eyes. A buzzing at the back of his mind seemed to nag at him, something about Erwin waking him up. He went downstairs still rather disoriented.

When he reached the landing he could hear soft arguing coming from the kitchen, but it was only after he got closer that he was able to decipher what was being said. Erwin and Levi snapped at one another in hissed voices. The first thing he was able to make out came from Levi.

“So you’re just not going to say anything? And what? Hope it goes away?”

“I never said that. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Newsflash, Erwin, it’s not going away. I _live_ here.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass. I don’t even know why I do anything for you. I’ve half a mind to just tell you to go fuck yourself this time.”

“Yeah, but you won’t do that. Except I don’t know what you’re going to do because it usually involves fucking me.”

Eren felt his heart skip a beat. His head swam and he wondered if he’d misheard. On the other side of the wall, the two dissolved into arguing in French for a moment. Erwin brought Eren back to earth, loud and clear.

“Enough. Don’t bring him into this. This is about you, Levi. Only you.”

That was all the confirmation Eren needed, his permission to barge into the conversation.

“Is that why then?” He stood in the middle of the kitchen, forlornly distant from Erwin and Levi’s increasingly heated argument.

He watched Erwin’s face change from anger to shock and he felt himself sneer at Levi’s unwavering expression of near-boredom.  

“Is that it then?” He let the question hang there in the stunned silence. “Is that why you don’t seem to want anything to do with me half of the time? Am I just like some little side game for you while you work things out with your main whore?”

“Eren,” Erwin stepped forward, his tone slightly warning.

“No!” Eren diverted his anger so that it was directed wholly at Erwin. “I don’t want to hear it from you if that’s your fucking deal.”

“Eren.”

“I thought there was some sort of reason you were pushing me away but now I fucking get it.”

“Eren.”

“If this is how you get your fucking kicks, great, but count me the fuck out. I hope you two are fucking happy together. You’ll both be fucking senior citizens in a few years anyway.”

He turned on his heel to walk away – out to his car, to the streets in the snow, anywhere – but Erwin caught his arm.

“Eren! Would you listen to me for one goddamned minute?”

Eren sneered and yanked his wrist away. He turned again, but over his shoulder he heard Levi.

“I told you that you wouldn’t be able to explain it to the brat.”

Eren spun back immediately, seething.

“You wanna fucking say that again, you fucking midget?”

He marched right past Erwin, hands balled into fists.

“I’ll rearrange your fucking face!”

He moved to swing, but in an instant, Erwin had his arm pinned against him, holding him from behind and preventing him from moving anywhere else.

“That’s a really, really bad idea,” He growled in Eren’s ear as he struggled against him.

“I’m leaving,” Levi announced cooly.

“Like hell you are! You fucking coward!” He thrashed against Erwin again. “Let go of me!”

“Go,” Erwin commanded and Levi left. Erwin held on until they heard the front door slam.

Eren pushed away from Erwin and brushed himself off with disdain, fire in his eyes.

“Are you gonna listen to me now?”

“I don’t know, are you gonna talk about how tight his ass is? Or how easy he is to throw around the bedroom?” Eren spat.

“Eren.”

“No, I’m not done. I don’t wanna listen to you talk about your fucking–”

“You wanna play the fucking age card? You’re acting like a child. Why don’t you just shut the hell up and listen to me, okay?”

Eren continued to glare at Erwin, his arms crossed tightly across his chest.

“Okay?” Erwin asked again.

“Fine.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY CLIFFHANGER, BATMAN! 
> 
> sorry not sorry. The next chapter will take less than a month this time, I promise...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin has mad game, Eren is a little butt, and everything goes back to fluff. c:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really bad about last-minute things so my beta hasn't gotten to this yet because she's probably off doing more important things so I'll put in edits later, just pretend the mistakes don't exist for now shhh.
> 
> * * *

The air was undeniably tense. Erwin was somewhere between an apology and an explanation, both on the tip of his tongue, and Eren was trying hard not to be so angry he tuned everything out. He didn’t want to deal with anything Erwin had to say, not that he felt like he’d believe it. He was too stubborn to admit his temper had gotten the best of him again, but he knew it had, so he forced himself to sit still and listen. He kept his hands balled up in his lap. Erwin took a deep breath, also calming himself, then turned back to Eren with a short sigh.

“This is hard to explain.”

He sounded like he was giving up. Eren sneered.

“Oh, I bet,” he snapped, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Blood pounded in his ears.

“I was going to tell you, but not like this, okay?” He held his hands out in front of himself, palms-up.

“How long were you expecting to be able to keep your fuck buddy and your--” he drew quotes in the air with his fingers “--’boyfriend’ under the same roof without shit like this happening?”

It felt like a good argument so Eren held his ground. He was yelling, but he didn’t care. He felt like he had Erwin in a corner, and the way he was retreating seemed to confirm that. Erwin crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring Eren’s impatient glare.

“It’s not like that, Eren. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

“Really? ‘Not like that’? Have you or have you not had sex with him?” The question seemed to hang in the air for a moment.

“That’s an unfair question,” he said finally. His voice was low, but he wouldn’t look at Eren.

“Unfair?!” Eren roared. “How the _fuck_ is that unfair? Did you or did you not?”

Erwin closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Yes, okay, Eren? I slept with him.”

The words hit Eren like a ton of bricks but he grit his teeth. It shouldn’t have been so surprising, but it was.

“But he’s only here because he’s had a shitty life and this is the one place he feels safe enough to call home. I haven’t so much as looked at him since we were in France. Even then, the last year we were there he wouldn’t even talk to me. It’s not like I’m keeping him around for whenever I get bored.”

He looked at Erwin as if he were humanizing his worst fears, kept up his unmoved frown while Erwin looked at him, exasperated.

“A year and a half,” he pressed. “He just lives here, and really only sometimes. I swear to god, Eren, I haven’t even hugged him since then. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

He didn’t believe that in the slightest.

“Then what the fuck just happened here?”

He wanted, somewhat, to just do it, just believe Erwin. It would be almost easy to just go with what he was saying, but his stubborn anger wouldn’t let him. His voice rose and he tried not to shake. He wouldn’t be forgetting what he heard so easily.

“His birthday!” Erwin threw his hands up. “It’s on Christmas and I didn’t celebrate it at all last year so I suggested we do what we’d always done, sightseeing and dinner, except he wasn’t about to forget how that usually ended and I got mad at him for it.”

“Why didn’t you just say that?” Eren shouted. It didn’t quite justify the situation, but if it were true, it at least offered some comfort. “I’m not about to _believe_ you, but a little clarification would’ve helped!”

“I was trying to! But you were too busy trying to land yourself in the ER by getting in a fight with him.” Erwin frowned at Eren’s indignant expression. “Don’t look at me like that. He beat the shit out of me when I first met him. He’d squash you.”

Eren glared at him, mouth slightly ajar. He didn’t have anything to say. His temper had landed him in fights that he’d lost by a wide margin before, he wasn’t going to deny the possibility that Erwin was at least being sincere about that. But that was the only thing he felt he could really believe. Every molecule of him wanted to get up and leave, just pretend nothing had ever happened, but he was rooted to the spot. His anger broke in a huffed sigh.

“Why don’t I believe you?”

Erwin didn’t answer him. He wore a hurt expression, but offered no further explanation.

“And my other question.” Eren had to stop as soon as he realized he was hurting himself. He forced the words out anyway. “If that’s really the case then why do you act like you want nothing to do with me?”

“Eren, that’s not true and you know it.” His voice was soft and he offered the lingering touch of his fingertips against Eren’s jaw. Eren stood unmoving and unresponsive, keeping his eyes trained on Erwin’s face.

“That’s not an answer,” he said solidly, holding himself rigid. He had to keep himself solidified. If he didn’t, he knew there was a storm of thoughts waiting to surface.

_He doesn’t want you. You’re just a toy. What would he possibly want with a child like you?_

To his immense surprise, Erwin huffed a laugh and ran a hand over his face.

“I try not to lug my emotional baggage into new relationships.”

Eren stared at him, eyebrows knitting together.

“I wouldn’t dream of lying to you, but I didn’t think I’d have to have this conversation with you so soon. But you’re so _pushy_ I have to beat you off with a stick half the time.” He tried to smile, but Eren wasn’t having it so he cleared his throat and continued.

“When I first started...I don’t know, ‘exploring’ my sexuality, I would go to bars and just...pick people. It was right when I started college so I was out of my mom’s house, but she bought an apartment for me so I had my own place, and, well, I didn’t study so I just went to bars instead. Even if they were twenty-one and up, no one ever bothered to card me so I went wherever I pleased. I started off only on the weekends, just once or twice, but it got worse. Wherever I went I’d just pick someone for the night, mostly men, but a few women too, and I’d just take them home. Four or five times a week, someone different every time. I can’t even remember any names anymore. I did that until I dropped out of college, and I stopped for awhile, but in Russia I started doing the same thing. It wasn’t as bad, I guess. I’d meet people and talk to them for a few weeks, but after I got them in bed I just didn’t want anything to do with them. Hell, I was still doing that when I got to France. And I would’ve kept doing that, except Levi wouldn’t let me just walk away from him like I did with everyone else. It got me to stop sleeping around, and it was kind of a thing for a year or so, but he left me because I didn’t love him and he knew. I wasn’t even sad about it. After that, I couldn’t bring myself to go to a bar without feeling guilty about it and leaving. Then I got back to the states and I started getting shit together again and I met you and it just felt different.” He paused.

“It felt right.”

He stroked Eren’s cheek softly and Eren let him, prompting Erwin’s smile before it faltered a little.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away. But I’m just terrified that I’ll fall back into my old habits.”

Eren’s heart sank.

“And I’d really rather not do that. Not to you, and not to me. You mean too much for that. I hate to sound cheesy, but it really feels like you’re the thing that’s been missing all along.”

He pulled Eren into his arms and held him close, tightly while Eren stood motionless. He wouldn’t call himself wise, but he’d learned long ago that people can say whatever they want without meaning it. It wasn’t even so much that Erwin had lied to him, he’d just never said anything about it, though he’d had a point in saying that it wasn’t exactly the stuff for new relationships, but it was hard to ignore. Erwin held on in silence until Eren moved and wrapped his arms around him.

“Please don’t feel like I don’t want you. I want you. I want you day and night, but I’m afraid. I don’t know if you know what it’s like not to trust yourself, but I don’t. It’s not fair to you, I know.”

Eren stared into the center of Erwin’s kitchen, his cheek against Erwin’s chest. He’d be lying if he said that everything was fixed, but at the very least he wasn’t angry. He didn’t have anyone to blame. It was the least he could do not to be angry. He didn’t want to think about it at all, because if he did, it would give rise to a new set of doubts. He exhaled slowly and tightened his grip around Erwin, then surprised himself with the shakiness of his own voice.

“You want me?”

Erwin’s resounding laughter filled the room.

“Yes, Eren!” He kissed the top of his head. “I want you. I’ll tell you every day if I have to. Just give me time to trust myself, alright?”

Eren nodded against Erwin and found himself calmed by the sound of Erwin’s heartbeat. He held on for another minute before Erwin pulled away and plunked a hand on his head to ruffle his hair.

“Come on, let’s go get something to eat. My cooking got interrupted.”

****  
  


He let Erwin pamper him, though the two were more reserved together. Gradually, they got more comfortable around each other, but they were careful to keep a safe distance. It was only a few days, but by Christmas they’d recreated something of their natural rhythm. Levi was as indifferent as ever; although he hadn’t wanted to, Eren had forced himself to try to apologize, but Levi had stopped him and waved him away without a word. At the very least, that had blown over.

Eren found it was better if he just didn’t think about it.

Of course, he hadn’t expected a man like Erwin to be inexperienced--he was everything Eren wasn’t, attractive, rich, talented, tall, suave, et cetera. He didn’t want to compare his own measly past--passionless kisses (with girls, no less) and that one time he might’ve accidentally gotten to second base when he spilled something on his ex’s shirt and helped her clean it off--to Erwin’s extensive history. If even half of what he said was true, he’d slept with more people than Eren had friends, though considering the size of that list, that wasn’t saying much. How many of them had been smarter than him? Funnier? Better looking? Richer, more entertaining, better matches overall?

It was just better not to think about.

Ten years on him, and somehow Erwin had traveled the world, slept with half of it, and still managed to make a name for himself without a degree. Eren couldn’t help but think that most men who did that wouldn’t waste a second on ratty college kids like him.

The only thing that kept him going, allowed Eren to even look at Erwin without wondering why he was wasting his time was simply the man’s reactions. To someone first meeting him, Erwin seemed distant but pleasant, as if he could hide anything, but the the more Eren watched him, the more he realized there was no truth to that. If something on the news surprised him, his eyebrows would crease together ever so slightly. Whenever he was in pain, he spent every moment he thought no one was looking to try to stretch out the sore muscles in his back, then pretended nothing was wrong if someone caught him. When he lied, the corners of his mouth hardened and he kept a straight face; Eren found that out by trying to cook for him. Those were the slight ones. The most noticeable one, however, was whenever Eren caught him by surprise in any way. If Erwin thought he wasn’t in the room and Eren came in without him knowing, he could count on a sudden change in attitude the moment he noticed Eren. It was too brief to be fake. One moment his face was a stony boredom, the next he lit up like a Christmas tree, but only for a second as if he were trying not to look too excited. He didn’t seem to smile at all unless Eren was there.

He caught Erwin after his Christmas Eve show, the last showing of the Nutcracker for the season, talking to some colleagues on his way out after the fiasco had died down. He was undeniably pleasant and engaged in the conversation, but his smiles simply weren’t there. When he spotted Eren, however, he broke into a brilliant grin and excused himself from his interlocutors immediately.

That made all the difference.

Christmas day, Eren accompanied them on their birthday/holiday celebration after Erwin insisted that he go and Levi made no objection. Erwin made a point not to play favorites; Eren remained the object of his affections, but he was polite enough not to take away from Levi’s birthday. Somehow, he kept a potentially nuclear situation under control. Eren had felt obligated to get something for Levi, at least a sum of the double gift-giving event, so he’d found a plain white scarf and begrudgingly put down fifteen dollars for it. Levi’s ‘thank you’ had seemed genuine enough, so he was satisfied. Erwin’s present was an envelope of money as a promise to buy him new dance shoes.

The actual Christmas part of the day was more entertaining. Levi vanished--something about Petra taking him out for drinks--and Erwin generously allowed Eren a single mug of his spiked eggnog, but Eren knew he was watching his own alcohol intake as well. Nonetheless, it at least got them to relax and settle down for a marathon of Christmas movies in their pajamas (which Eren managed to stay awake for), and after they got tired of claymation, Erwin surprised Eren by scooping him up out of the couch in the entertainment room.

“Bedtime, nut,” he declared.

“Nooo…” Eren tried to make himself a deadweight but Erwin had no problem holding him unassisted. Eren gave up and buried his nose in the crook of Erwin’s neck. “Wait!”

He came back to life and squirmed until Erwin put him down and he shot out of the room calling over his shoulder.

“I forgot to give you your present!”

It took Eren a second to come back with the box, having shoved it under the bed after hastily buying it a few days prior when Erwin was at rehearsal and Eren realized he hadn’t gotten him anything. The entertainment room was empty and he stood in the doorway mildly confused until Erwin called to him from down the hall in his room. He held the flat box to his chest as he made his way down the hallway curiously. He peered into Erwin’s room, where he found him clutching a much smaller, white box in one hand.

“I had yours in my room too.” He took Eren’s hand with his free hand and placed the box in Eren’s palm. Caught off guard, Eren blushed and extended his own box, the cardboard thin and flimsy (store wrapping he was too lazy to re-wrap), and hoped the tape holding it shut wouldn’t come off as it changed hands.

“You first.” Erwin gestured towards the box in Eren’s hands.

“Oh, no.” He held the box away from himself. “God knows how much you spent on whatever this is. I’m not gonna open it before you and make mine look dinky.”

Erwin opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it.

“Alright, alright.” He peeled off the tape where it wasn’t already coming off on its own and lifted the lid off of the box and grinned. Eren watched somewhat nervously while he scooped up the carefully-folded pool of fabric and held it up to his chest. Eren tried not to look like he hadn’t completely guessed on the size.

“I didn’t know what to get you. I figured sweaters were safe.” He shrugged. “The, uh, color reminded me of your eyes.”

Erwin draped it over his arm and swept in to kiss Eren’s forehead.

“I love it.” He tapped Eren’s nose with a fingertip playfully and was sure to leave him with another kiss before urging Eren to open his.

The box opened easily enough, after the little silver ribbon came off, but Eren still opened it wearily. It fit barely in one hand, where Erwin had made holding it look so easy, but he couldn’t guess at its contents by size alone. He sucked in a quick breath as he took the top off and peered in. The gleam of yellow light that caught his eye only made him gasp. He didn’t see any name brand cockily on the face or box, but the watch was clearly very expensive.

“Tell me this isn’t real gold…” He held the box like if he dropped it, the watch would shatter.

“It’s uh…” Erwin’s mouth tightened at the corners. Liar. “It’s just plated-gold. And I think it was on sale.”

“Erwin!” He spoke somewhat scoldingly, and somewhat excitedly.

“Honestly, I don’t even remember how much it was. I saw it and I thought you’d like it, so I just bought it. I didn’t even look at the price.” He faltered a little. “Do you like it?”

“It’s awesome, but it might get me jumped at school.”

Erwin looked concerned until Eren laughed.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But I really do like it.”

“I’m glad.”

Erwin stepped in and tilted Eren’s chin up so he could kiss him. Eren met the kiss softly, their lips barely touching in little, fluttering kisses until Eren hooked an arm around Erwin’s neck to pull him closer. He kept a tight grip on the box with his other hand, the cardboard edge digging into his palm. Erwin let him him deepen the kiss, but only for a moment before a light hand pushed him back.

“Bedtime,” he breathed. He kissed Eren’s forehead again and Eren took that as ‘goodnight’ so he turned to head to his room, but he was surprised by a pair of arms grabbing him from behind. “Where are you going?”

“My room?”

“Nuh-uh.” Erwin scooped him up again and spun him toward the bed. He set Eren on the mattress and climbed in next to him. “Christmas cuddles. And if we fall asleep, oh well.”

Eren set his watch on the nightstand and peered over Erwin where his sweater sat on the ground, having fallen from the crook of his arm when he picked Eren up.

“Your sweater.” He pointed at it and Erwin’s eyes followed his finger.

“I’ll get it in the morning. It’ll remind me to wear it when I slip on it trying to go to the bathroom. Damned wood floor.” He looked back at Eren and grinned wickedly, held out his arm and Eren burrowed under it. Erwin glanced at the digital clock, turned on his lamp, then clapped his hands and the ceiling lights went out. Eren laughed at how cliche the lights were. “If we don’t fall asleep by two, you go back to your room.”

“‘kay.” Eren snuggled closer in the lower lighting while Erwin pulled a blanket over them.

He held on, ear to Erwin’s heart for a long while before he heard the rumble of Erwin’s voice, low and soft from in his chest.

“I’m sorry if my stupid old habits weren’t what you were expecting of me.”

Eren shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does. I see the way you look sometimes, like I’m a different person.”

“No.” Eren paused. “Well, I mean. I guess it was pretty surprising.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, giving Eren a squeeze. “You know I want you?” He gave a short laugh. “Probably better not to say that right now, but it’s true. You mean a lot to me, Eren.”

Eren responded by snuggling closer and kissing Erwin’s collarbone. In turn, Erwin kissed the top of his head and they stayed there for a long time. He thought Erwin had fallen asleep, the rhythm of his heartbeat and breathing slowed, but then he whispered in the dark.

“Are you asleep?”

“Yes.”

A little laugh.

“Alright.”

Eren sighed and moved himself closer, careful to keep a gap between their lower halves lest Erwin decide to scoop him up again and drop him in his own bed.

“Merry Christmas, Eren.”

****  
  


January came and went. It was a blur of wet and dreary snow and unreasonably energetic shopping trips. They could only watch TV and stay inside to avoid the cold for so long before they got restless, which Erwin seemed to be trying to prevent at all costs for obvious reasons. His solution was always getting out of the house for this or that, and it usually ended with him buying a rather superfluous amount of things for Eren. In that month, Eren’s wardrobe nearly doubled, though he couldn’t say he didn’t need it, having been struck by the double-whammy of a late growth spurt towards the end of high school and then not having enough space in his junk car to take a good portion of his clothes with him to college. He made the mistake of bringing up his limited closet space and Erwin bought a dresser for the guest room, swearing he was going to furnish it anyway, and told Eren he could keep anything that didn’t fit in his dorm in it.

With his dad’s international work, Eren hadn’t grown up in any immediate need for money, but it was nowhere near Erwin’s affluence. His dad paid for rent, books, food, and tuition, but not much else. Anything more Eren wanted, he’d have to get a job and buy for himself, so he’d taken to a lazy nearly-ascetic life, mooching off Armin’s shampoo and convincing himself he didn’t need anything beyond what he already had. He’d gotten into the habit of lusting after things in stores because he didn’t want to get a job and didn’t have the money otherwise. He learned it made for a bad habit around Erwin. He couldn’t so much as look at anything without Erwin offering to buy it. His fat inner-child (which he’d escaped with his tremendous growth spurt in high school) took advantage of it whenever they went grocery shopping, but he tried to keep the buying to a minimum otherwise.

When he started seeing red and pink hearts everywhere for Valentine’s, he realized he’d have to a) actually buy something for someone for once and b) get Erwin to slow down on spending or he’d end up buying Eren a department store for Valentine’s. He’d let him replace his old sneakers since they’d worn down to the soles anyway, but by the second pair of shoes, he felt guilty enough to say something.

“You know, I appreciate this and everything, but you don’t have to buy me everything.” He figured he had a pretty good point, considering he was struggling to make it up the stairs behind Erwin with all the shopping bags on his arms.

“I, uh.” Erwin looked at him from the top of the stairs and stepped down a few to grab some of the bags. “Is this really too much?”

Eren laughed a little, gratefully handing off a few of the bags.

“Yeah, a little. I mean, it’s nice because honestly, who doesn’t like to have nice things, but just--” Eren lifted his arms and the bags pulled them back down.

“Moderation isn’t something I’m good at. Really, my entire family is like this…” He trailed off and gestured at his house, the majority of which could be seen from the top of the stairs, save for the kitchen, the piano room, and one hallway that lead to the garage downstairs. No moderation indeed.

He followed Erwin in setting the bags on his bed. To be fair, only half of them had stuff Erwin had bought specifically for him; the other half was painting supplies so they could finally paint the room, even though Eren had to go back to school in a few days anyway.

“I don’t know.” Erwin corralled Eren into his arms and murmured into his hair. “Maybe I just miss you already. What am I going to do around here with you at school? I don’t start my next show until February.”

“You’ll survive.” Eren grinned and squeezed him. “I’m sure you and your family can just buy a yacht or a cruise line and hang out for awhile and you won’t even notice I’m not there.”

“No, I’d notice. It’s just me and mom anyway.” He let go of Eren and sat down on the bed, shifting the shopping bags with his weight. Eren hopped up next to him.

“You made it sound like you had a whole clan of Smiths hidden away slowly buying the country.”

“Mom might if you gave her the idea, but no. Only child, dad’s dead, left me and mom with a lot of money. Same old story. To be honest, it’s kinda fun having something to spend money on for once.”

Eren feigned offense.

“You’re just using me to spend money on! How could you?” He slumped backwards into Erwin’s lap, the back of his wrist to his forehead dramatically.

“Oh shush.” Erwin mushed a hand over Eren’s face and he batted it away. “What about you, oh dramatic one? You never talk about your family.”

“Well there’s Mikasa. We’re not technically related, but our parents were pretty good friends and then hers died in a car crash and we adopted her. So she’s my not-sister sister.” Eren gazed up at Erwin from his lap where he’d idly started playing with Eren’s hair. “Dad’s the go-to guy for money, but he’s never around. Some sort of international medical research. Pays the bills, but we never see him. Mikasa went to a friend’s house over the break or we might’ve just gone home.”

“I can’t say I mind the alternative in your case. Just you two?”

“Y-yeah.” He paused, reflecting. “My mom died of cancer last year.”

“Oh. I-I’m sorry.” He watched Eren shake his head to try and dismiss him. “No, I mean, I get where you’re coming from. I was pretty close with my dad but that was fourteen years ago.”

“It’s alright. It’s been awhile. I still miss her, but it’s not so bad anymore.” He let out a little laugh. “For our birthdays right before she died, she got me and Mikasa scarves. Mikasa never takes hers off, but I like to keep mine for when it’s especially cold. If you think about it, she’s the reason we’re together, my mom. That was the scarf I left here when I had to come back after the party.”

“Get up,” Erwin commanded.

“What, why?”

“Because I can’t kiss you when you’re down there.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things: In my head, Erwin & Levi kinda always had a thing for each other, but it never worked out because Levi's really bullheaded and he's not affectionate at all, even though he trusts Erwin with his life, and Erwin's the clingiest motherfucker and he hates being told no when he wants to cuddle so he reads Levi's standoffishness as him just not reciprocating so he never develops deeper feelings for Levi, then they just clash because they're both dominate personalities. But Eren loves being cuddled and he's perfectly fine with being dominated sometimes so it's just a better fit.   
> Also, I see names as incredibly powerful things, so whenever Erwin drops Eren's name into whatever he's saying, he's being ?really sincere and he just really loves Eren okay?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eager beaver

“Erwin!”

Eren launched himself across the remaining space between himself and the tall man propped against his car, Eren’s bag digging into his shoulders while he ran. He could ignore all the strange looks he was getting for Erwin’s smile, stretching across his face as he looked up at the sound of his name and saw Eren. They crashed in a tight but awkward hug, with Erwin’s arms around Eren and his backpack as a whole.

“Hey, sunshine. Did you miss me?”

Eren nodded hard against Erwin’s collarbone. Going back to school for the entire week had been torture in comparison to spending the break with Erwin. He squeezed hard enough to get a little ‘oof’ out of Erwin, who peeled him off and satiated him with a kiss on the forehead.

“A little.”

“A little?” Erwin quirked an eyebrow at him playfully.

“Okay, a lot.”

Erwin had taken a job for another show and had been too busy to see Eren during the week and had only been able to manage brief phone calls but he’d promised Eren time during the weekend. It took several minutes to get Eren to finally let go of Erwin, then the two climbed into the car.

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” Eren pushed up imaginary glasses and straightened an invisible tie.

“Oh stop.” Erwin started the car and continued without looking at Eren. “I was thinking we’d go golfing.”

“Golfing?” Eren threw his bag over the seat and into the back while Erwin reversed out of the parking space. “You really are an old man.”

Erwin shot him a look and Eren mumbled an apology.

“Fine, fine. Mini golf. Then dinner. Better?”

“Plus movie night?” Eren added hopefully.

“We’ll see.”

 

Despite frequenting golf courses in his spare time, Erwin turned out to be terrible at mini golf. Eren had a bad tendency to hit the ball entirely too hard and launched it into the little ponds several times before they stopped keeping score and decided to see if they could finish the course. They stopped a few times to let families behind them go first since they couldn’t finish a hole faster than ten minutes. By the time they’d finished with all eighteen they were starving.

“What’s for dinner?”

Eren handed over his and Erwin’s clubs while Erwin apologized for the pond scum all over Eren’s ball. Erwin hummed.

“It’s a surprise.” Erwin handed Eren the keys to the car and excused himself to wash his hands.

Eren waited in the car, only because it was getting close to February and was still pretty cold. Erwin returned after a few minutes and took a moment to plant a kiss on Eren’s mouth. They hadn’t done anything more than hold hands on the golf course, and it had become an unspoken rule between them that they’d minimize the pda, but the car was fair game. Eren pushed forward, sliding his tongue across Erwin’s lower lip as if requesting access. Erwin’s mouth parted just slightly and Eren took advantage of the opening. Erwin pulled away with an easing motion.

“Woah now. We’re still in the parking lot,” he reminded him.

Eren sighed and put on a pout, which Erwin cured with a kiss on Eren’s nose.

“Nothing fancy, right?”

Erwin just grinned and started the car again. Within a few minutes, they were on the highway headed toward a part of town Eren couldn’t even afford to breathe in, and when they pulled off the highway he folded his arms over his chest.

“What’s the name of this place?”

Erwin started saying something sounding vaguely French before Eren interrupted him.

“Nope. There!” He pointed out the window at a building that looked very much out of place compared to all of the much more structurally appealing buildings surrounding it. Erwin’s eyes followed Eren’s finger.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Look, it even says ‘best burgers in town’. Or do you not eat burgers?” Eren challenged and Erwin rolled his eyes.

“If you say so.”

Eren couldn’t help but laugh as Erwin grumbled across the parking lot about the speculative cleanliness of roadhouses, but neither one of them was laughing when they got their food. Eren didn’t waste a second dumping steak sauce all over his and silently vowed to lick it off his fingers when it poured out the sides. For a second he forgot Erwin was even with him and only remembered when he caught him staring at him moaning into his burger.

“What? ‘S good!” He grouched, mouth full.

He caught on only after he’d finished his burger. Even Erwin had looked impressed with his, but Eren was keeping his vow to lick his fingers clean, but with the added fun of making Erwin watch. He was sure to get Erwin’s attention first before lewdly sucking on his fingers until Erwin threw a napkin at him.

“So, movie night?” Eren smirked, wiping his face with the napkin. Erwin cleared his throat.

“Yeah, alright. But only because you were right about the burgers.”

 

They forgot about the movie pretty quickly. Erwin picked some indie movie Eren had never heard of (which was thankfully not in French) so he tried to get into it and ‘appreciate the cinematography’ or whatever Erwin said, but in the end it was too boring to focus on, and when Eren’s attention shifted, Erwin’s was quick to follow. He started by pushing his shoulder against Erwin’s side, farther and farther until Erwin fell over and Eren crawled on top triumphantly.

“Hey,” Erwin whispered, as if they were in a theater rather than the entertainment room, though there was a hint of warning in Erwin’s voice.

“What?” Eren cocked his head and stooped lower so his face was level with Erwin’s. Erwin raised an eyebrow but didn’t move. Not that he had much of an option with Eren on top of him.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Eren drawled, sweeping in for a kiss hard enough to make Erwin gasp.

“That’s not nothing,” Erwin mumbled against the force of Eren’s lips. Eren ignored him and kissed harder, wiggling his way up until he was able to prop an elbow on either side of Erwin’s head.

“Hey.”

Eren kissed at Erwin’s mouth hoping to keep his lips from moving.

“Hey!”

Eren gave up on keeping him quiet and started kissing down Erwin’s jaw to his neck.

“Eren!”

A pair of hands lifted Eren away from Erwin’s neck entirely and held him up and out of reach. He froze out of surprise before he remembered that Erwin’s muscles weren’t just for show and he furrowed his brow at Erwin.

“What gives?”

“I told you no, that’s what.” He pushed Eren back as he sat up.

Eren’s brow creased deeper as he was completely removed from his vantage point and Erwin shut off the movie in the middle of a scene where the main character was in the middle of the field staring at the sky, apparently in the midst of self-doubt, if the voice-over meant anything. Erwin left the couch to get the lights but came back and sat angling himself toward Eren with a hand extended. Eren made a point to turn away from Erwin, who dropped his hand.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry.”

“For what? All you ever do is tell me no.”

“Eren, look at me.” Eren rolled his head back and looked over his shoulder. “I’m not trying to tell you no all the time, but you don’t leave me a lot of options.”

“What do you mean I don’t leave you options? We only ever do what you want to do.” Eren spun, feeling his heart rate spike. He could feel the familiar feeling of gearing up for a fight bubbling up.

“You’re not being fair.” Erwin crossed his arms but kept his voice level, face calm.

“I’m not being fair? Maybe I’d be fair if you were. I can’t even kiss you without you flipping out and pushing me away for no reason. I don’t care if you tell me no but I wanna know why!”

If Erwin had a retort, he swallowed it and looked at Eren for a long moment. Eren fumed and huffed, waiting for Erwin to defend himself, but he just sighed.

“I told you I don’t trust myself.”

“Yeah, but why?” Eren threw his hands up. “You said you want me, and you just needed time or whatever but it’s been like three months and I’m tired of doing this all the time.”

“I have poor self-control! Is that what you wanted to hear? It’s been maybe a month and a half,” Erwin corrects, “and all you do is test me. Can’t you just respect that I’m not ready for this yet?”

“Maybe you’re not ready for me.”

Eren pushed himself off the couch and started for the door. He knew he was quick to anger, he’d been that way his entire life, and maybe walking out wasn’t the right thing to do, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t get caught up in the whole ‘spend a lot of time together and be happy, but oh--no touching’ thing. It wasn’t even that he didn’t want to spend time with Erwin, or that he was only after action, but something in him was just tired of hitting walls all the time.

Erwin didn’t catch up with him until he was outside on his phone.

“Eren, this is stupid. What are you doing?” Erwin stood close, but kept his hands to himself.

“Calling Armin to come get me.”

Erwin’s shoulders dropped with another sigh.

“Can’t we just talk about this?” He placed a hand on Eren’s shoulder and Eren glared at it until he took it back. “Like adults. No yelling, no whining, because every time this comes up you turn into the world’s biggest brat and I know you’re more mature than that.”

“Doesn’t stop you from treating me like a little kid,” Eren muttered. Erwin set his hand on Eren’s shoulder again, lightly as if walking on eggshells. Eren didn’t react.

“Come inside. It’s cold.”

They stayed there another moment with Eren jamming the phone against his ear trying to ignore Erwin and Erwin holding onto Eren’s shoulder. After the fifth ring, Armin’s phone went to voicemail and Eren gave up. When he turned around, Erwin smiled hopefully, but he just trudged past him back into the house. He sat himself on the big couch in Erwin’s living room and kept his arms crossed tightly over his chest. Erwin stood by the couch but stayed on his feet.

“Okay, look, I know you’re eager--” Eren shot him a glare “--but I’m just not sure about myself yet. I know you don’t really want to talk about it right now, but why does it mean so much to you that you can’t wait?”

Eren didn’t say anything for another moment, then flicked his eyes up at Erwin and grumbled through his teeth.

“You’re gonna think it’s stupid.”

“A lot of things are stupid, but right now the only thing that’s stupid is the way you’re acting.” That hurt, but for some reason Eren liked that Erwin didn’t roll over and take it like everyone else did whenever he got angry. He wasn’t sure why it was so much of a relief, but it was.

“Because I really like you, and I really want to be with you but, like, I don’t even know what that means. I’ve gotten farther with drunk girls at parties, and it still feels like you’re just holding me at arm’s length and I feel like it would really mean something and not feel so casual.” He looked away. “And because I’m a loser and a virgin.”

“Do you want it to mean something, Eren?”

“Yeah,” Eren huffed.

“And it doesn’t mean something now?”

“No!” He turned and caught the surprise on Erwin’s face. “No, I mean, it does, but just…”

“It’s not what you thought,” Erwin finished for him.

“Yeah, kinda,” Eren confessed, turning away again.

“Well,” Erwin sat himself on the couch next to Eren. “To be honest, it’s not what I thought it’d be either.” Eren turned to him with an eyebrow raised and skipped a beat when Erwin offered him a hand to take before placing his hand down. “I thought I could maintain a chaste relationship and not have to worry about ruining it, but that’s really not what I wanted.” He kissed Eren’s hand where he held it. “What I really wanted was a safe relationship, and that’s clearly not working for either of us.” Another little kiss. “And it’s boring for both of us.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot into his hair.

“Does this mean…?”

Erwin ignored him and kept kissing at his hand.

“You’re not a loser, Eren.”

Eren opened his mouth to say something, but his words turned into a little gasp as Erwin pushed him onto his back. Erwin moved deftly, kissing Eren with an intensity he’d only seen once when he’d dared Erwin to kiss him like he meant it. Eren felt a familiar twitch in his pants and returned the kiss. His breath caught in his throat when Erwin moved to his earlobe and nipped lightly.

“Shit,” Eren hissed, fisting his hand into the back of his shirt. Erwin gave a low chuckle right next to his ear that ran shivers down Eren’s spine.

“Eren.” Erwin’s voice in his ear made him twitch in his pants again. “If we’re going to do this, you have to follow my rules for awhile, okay?” Eren nodded and bit down on his bottom lip. “Just let me do everything for now, okay? I can’t let you or things might get out of hand.”

“Is that a pun?” Eren was shocked at how shaky his own voice was.

“Eren,” Erwin growled again. “Shut up.”

Erwin moved from Eren’s ear to his neck and Eren gawked stupidly thinking he couldn’t keep talking even if he wanted to. Erwin had gone from standoffish to completely in control in no time flat and Eren had absolutely no problem with that.

“I’m going to take off your shirt,” Erwin murmured against Eren’s collarbone. Eren nodded and lifted himself when Erwin tugged upwards and pushed his shirt up, the heels of his palms pressing down onto Eren’s body as he did so. Eren lifted his arms and let himself be taken out of his shirt. When Erwin moved back over him, sitting to the side and leaning across Eren’s torso, the younger pulled at his shirt too, requesting permission to take it off. With a smirk acknowledging the challenge to his control, Erwin lifted his arms and Eren grinned as he pulled the shirt over Erwin’s head. Erwin pushed him back onto the couch with an easy motion, quick to go back to mouthing at Eren’s throat.

“You sure no one’s gonna…” Eren glanced at the front door wearily.

“Petra has him for the night, don’t worry.”

Eren was still staring at the door and missed Erwin swiping a finger tip across his tongue, jolting when the cool, slick digit brushed against a nipple.

“Motherfuck--”

Erwin wore a shit-eating grin, meeting Eren’s gaze as he flicked his finger over the same spot. Erwin rolled the tip under his finger and drew a soft moan out of Eren, who would’ve been ashamed if it hadn’t felt so good.

“You like that, don’t you?” Erwin watched him still mouthing at Eren’s skin and pausing to give a nip here and there.

Eren nodded shamelessly, hips wriggling up in search of friction. Erwin moved fluidly and latched on to the opposite nipple with his mouth and Eren found that teeth and tongue were capable of a much wider range of sensations than a single finger was. He groaned and gripped Erwin’s back with curling fingers. Erwin laughed into his chest and kept at it until he could make Eren jerk with a flick of his tongue.

“S-stop, stop!” Eren gasped and Erwin looked up immediately.

“Too much?” He asked, a genuinely questioning look on his face. “We can stop if--”

“No,” Eren cut him off. “Stop teasing me, god, you’re killing me.”

Erwin held a momentary look of ‘oh’ before rocking forward to kiss Eren softly. Eren met the kiss with a smile and nudged his chin into it, but froze as soon as he felt Erwin’s fingers undo the button of this jeans. Erwin pulled away smirking.

“What? Lose your nerve?” Eren heard the zipper go down. “Unless you want me to stop?”

Eren shook his head quickly and drew in shallow breaths as Erwin’s hand slid in.

“That’s what I thought.” Erwin’s voice rolled over him smooth and deep.

He couldn’t move at first, not with Erwin’s hand pressing down slowly onto the ridge of his erection, but when his hand met the sensitive tip, Eren rocked his hips up eagerly, mouth shaping an ‘o.’ Erwin chuckled darkly and slid a finger into his boxers. The tip of his finger smeared the little pearl of liquid there over the head with expert motions and Eren let out a sound deep in the back of his throat.

“You want more?” Erwin teased, repeating the motion.

“Yes, yes, god yes…” Eren’s words had started to run together. Erwin kissed at his stomach.

“Hips up,” he commanded, and Eren lifted his hips. Erwin took his pants and boxers down in one motion, the cool air suddenly on Eren’s skin giving him goosebumps. “Good boy.”

Erwin kissed at Eren’s bare stomach again and started to trail his mouth down along the line of hair from the bottom of Eren’s navel. Eren watched and shivered again and let his eyes shut.

“Oh god, this is actually happening.” Eren shook until he realized he wasn’t the only one shaking and opened his eyes to see Erwin biting his own fist to keep from laughing.

“Hey,” Eren tried to sound offended, but it came out as a whine. “Stop laughing.”

Erwin gave up on muffling his laughter and laughed openly. Eren’s face fell a little, but Erwin remedied it by peppering laughing, smiling kisses all over his face.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He kissed Eren again. “That was just really cute.”

“I’m not cute,” Eren pouted and Erwin laughed again.

“No, you’re adorable.” Eren frowned. “But--” Eren gasped as he felt a hand wrap around his dick. “--you’re also sexy as hell.”

“D-don’t stop.”

“Oh, I won’t.” Erwin grinned and moved back away from Eren’s face to kiss at his stomach again. Eren let out a hiss of relief and closed his eyes again only to open them as the contact disappeared. He was about to speak up when a wet heat closed around him and his mouth gaped open.

“Fuck,” he hissed again, and shivered when Erwin hummed around his dick in response. “That feels amazing.”

He choked on his breath when Erwin added a little teeth to the mix, surprised at how much he liked it. He found purchase in Erwin’s hair, carefully knotting his fingers there and tugging whenever Erwin did something he particularly liked. Erwin kept a hand moving even as he bobbed his head, slowly working at what Eren thought he couldn’t fit into his mouth until the hand went away and when Eren thought the sensation couldn’t get any better, he felt himself slide to the back of Erwin’s throat. His entire body jolted when Erwin swallowed around him. He cursed aloud.

“ShitshitshitErwin,” he panted shallowly. “I’m gonna--I’m gonna--” Every muscle in his body tightened even as Erwin pulled back a little and lapped at the underside of Eren’s cock as he came. Eren tightened the hand in Erwin’s hair until it was over and he fell back about as solid as pudding. Erwin swallowed and sucked softly, making Eren jerk again, then pulled back and lifted him a little to pull his pants back over his hips before crawling over and laying down beside Eren.

“Oh my god. Fuck. Fuckkk.” Eren clung to him and shook. “That was the best fucking…” Eren shivered and Erwin tucked him against his chest with a kiss to the forehead.

“Better now?” Erwin asked, and Eren nodded hard.

Erwin laughed enough to make Eren crane his head up to look.

“I think I like this better, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took forever I literally have no excuse. this chapter was supposed to be solid fluff...except I'm really bad at fluff.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grocery shopping.

Eren didn’t even remember falling asleep, but somehow he was up before Erwin, not that he could do anything about it. With the two of them crammed on the couch, Eren pinned against the back of it, Erwin’s sleeping form basically guaranteed Eren wouldn’t be able to move until he woke up. Eren thought about trying to snake out from under his arms since he had to pee, but he decided it wasn’t bad enough to risk waking Erwin. Aside from that, he’d never gotten to wake up next to Erwin. Eren sighed and snuggled closer, deciding to wait until Erwin woke up or until he couldn’t hold it any longer.

As soon as he moved, nuzzling his nose into Erwin’s chest, he thought he’d woken Erwin. He heard a soft sigh above him and Erwin moved closer, but when Eren leaned back enough to see his face his eyes were still shut.

“Hey, Erwin,” he whispered, thinking of his bladder. “Are you awake?”

When no response came he freed a hand patted Erwin’s cheek a few times to see if he’d get a response. Nothing. Erwin only exhaled again and shifted, but brought about a bigger problem when he moved again, nudging his hips forward in his sleep. Much bigger, if Eren’s calculations were correct.

_Shit._

He chalked it up to his imagination, or the fact that they’d both fallen asleep in their jeans and therefore he couldn’t really tell without seeing or using his hands but even a guy as tall as Erwin couldn’t possibly… Eren shook himself of the thought and tried to calm down. He figured Erwin would be bigger than him, not that it bothered him considering the sheer difference in height, but surely whatever was against his hip bone was just a trick of the mind.

Eren wiggled back as far as he could go, trying to get a look, but he froze when he heard his name above him.

“Eren…” The voice was soft and faded into sleepy mumbling, but it still terrified him. He looked up to make sure Erwin was still asleep and had to bite his lip to keep from crying out. The whole ordeal had reminded Eren’s body of its own interests, and Erwin had just unconsciously made the situation ten times worse by grinding into him. Eren triple-checked to see if Erwin really was still asleep. It didn’t seem like something he’d do otherwise.

_Okay, okay. Shit. So he’s asleep and he’s dreaming about me and he’s really, really hard… fuck._

Erwin’s hips moved of their own accord again, then halted and the arms around Eren tightened for a few seconds. He heard Erwin’s breath catch, then fall back into a normal sleeping rhythm as his body relaxed. It took Eren a second to realize what had happened. He didn’t know whether to laugh or be mortified. He was leaning toward mortification. Erwin was out cold, blissfully unaware of what had just happened, whereas Eren was completely as a loss. He decided to risk waking Erwin and wriggled out from under his arm.

His toothbrush was upstairs in the bathroom by the room Erwin let him use, along with the clothes he kept there, so he crept upstairs and when he saw himself in the mirror he couldn’t help but laugh. His reflection looked terrified, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. He sat down against the wall just laughing at himself. He’d been trying to get into Erwin’s pants for weeks and there he was turning tail just because Erwin’d had a wet dream about him. The more he thought about it, the more he laughed until he realized how weird it was to be sitting on the floor in his boyfriend’s bathroom laughing at himself.

He never imagined he’d actually get nervous.

He brushed his teeth (after stealing toothpaste from the bathroom in Erwin’s room when he couldn’t find his) and changed into some spare clothes, made his hair look at least partially presentable and headed back downstairs. He found his phone on the floor by the couch where it had apparently fallen somewhere in the events of the previous night. He checked the time three times before it actually registered because he was recalling what had happened with a certain disbelief.

He sat down on the shorter portion of the long L-shaped couch near Erwin’s head and took a moment to just appreciate how peaceful he looked when he was sleeping. Erwin was a peaceful person in general, but there was just something about seeing him asleep that made Eren want to watch forever. He got himself to give up on that and put a hand on Erwin’s shoulder to shake him awake.

“Hey, Erwin.” He gave him a few shakes and laughed at himself because it was weird to be up before someone else. Armin was always up way before him.

“Mmf?” Erwin sounded groggy and unfocused.

“It’s noon.”

Eren jumped back as Erwin shot up suddenly, rubbing at his eyes.

“Noon? Jesus Christ, what day is it?”

“Uh, Saturday?”

Erwin looked at him for a moment before he flopped back onto the couch.

“Good. I thought I’d missed rehearsal.” Erwin stretched, his arms going up over the edge of the couch and a flash of discomfort crossed his face and he moved his legs. It was only there for a second but Eren knew exactly why. “I gotta go to the bathroom.”

Erwin swung his legs over the edge of the couch and Eren could tell he was making an effort to make his movements as normal as possible and he laughed.

“Have a nice dream?” He asked with a smirk.

“I, uh…” Erwin looked at him for a second and grew red. “Dammit. How did you know?”

“I was kinda awake when it happened,” Eren looked away, also turning red.

“Oh.” Erwin scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, uh, sorry about that?”

“No, it’s okay.” Eren feigned an interest in his phone. He’d figured it’d be awkward facing Erwin, but he hadn’t really thought about it past teasing him. Erwin excused himself and hurried away to go change.

He came back downstairs still a little red in the face and set about making some breakfast for them. Eren felt bad just watching, so he offered to help, but Erwin told him he wasn’t making anything fancy so Eren just sat at a barstool at the counter and watched. It didn’t take him long to get bored and find his mischievous courage again.

“So what was that dream about?”

Erwin jumped and his hand slipped as he poured oil into a pan on the stove and it sloshed over the side, sizzling on the burner. He set the oil down and grabbed for a rag, dabbing up what he’d spilled. Eren laughed when Erwin turned around, his face red again.

“I’m trying to do something over here,” Erwin pouted defensively. He went back to his cooking with a huff.

“Yeah, I see that. What, you don’t wanna tell me? You said my name.”

Erwin stiffened but ignored him, cracking a few eggs into the pan.

“I plead the fifth,” Erwin grumbled. He poked at the eggs with a spatula when they started to sizzle.

“Nice try, but I’m legal.”

Erwin turned around to say something, a strange look on his face, but then closed his mouth and turned back to the stove. He laughed to himself and dipped a few pieces of toast in an egg mixture he’d made.

“I’ll tell you later.”

“What! No! Tell me now.” Eren hopped off the barstool and came up behind Erwin to badger him but Erwin shooed him away.

“Let me finish brunch. Go sit at the table.”

“You did not just say ‘brunch,’” Eren laughed, retreating. “Nobody says brunch anymore.”

“I’m about to throw your brunch in the trash if you don’t shut up,” Erwin laughed, pointing Eren back to the table.

He followed with food a few minutes later. Eren kicked his feet under the table and ate slowly, watching Erwin the whole time. The exchange in the kitchen had only made Eren more keen on bugging Erwin. He finished his bite of eggs and set down his fork.

“Hey Erwin, how big are you?”

Erwin choked on his bite of french toast and coughed hard before chasing it down with a drink of water.

“Excuse me?” He rasped, hand still at his throat.

Eren shrugged, playing casual. “You were kinda grinding on me in your sleep.”

Erwin narrowed his eyes. “You’re doing this on purpose.”

“I just realized I like flustering you.” Eren laughed but it died when he caught the look Erwin was giving him. “What?”

“Careful. I might just make you eat those words.” He eyed Eren with a cool gaze, grinning. Eren shut up and picked up his fork again.

He got the feeling from the way Erwin had looked at him that he was way out of his league when it came to flustering someone. It was kind of terrifying, but it was also exhilarating. He chewed thoughtfully, glad for something of substance after reverting back to his college, mainly-microwaveable eating habits. He was spoiled and he knew it. None of his classmates had a hot boyfriend to cook for them and stay with on the weekends. He took a moment to thank whatever luck had resulted in Erwin knocking him down on the street.

After their ‘brunch’ they went out and ran a few errands Erwin had to do, since it was Saturday and he did all of his shopping then. Eren picked out most of the snacks. When he came back with an armful of cookies, Erwin looked up from his grocery list and did a double-take.

“Eren, you do not need that many cookies.”

“Yes I do! It’s for us to share. For movie night.”

Erwin shook his head. “I’ve got popcorn at home.”

“Popcorn is salty. I want cookies.”

“Fine. One box.” Erwin went back to his list. Eren counted the boxes in his arms.

“Three.”

“One.”

“Three.”

“One.”

“Two?”

“Fine.”

Eren dropped two boxes in the cart and put the others back.

“You’re gonna get so fat, I swear.”

“Will not!” Eren put down a bag of candy. “I just like sweets.”

He saw Erwin open his mouth to say something, then change his mind and go back to his list again. They strolled through a few more aisles with Eren holding onto the tail of Erwin’s shirt. Erwin paused in the frozen aisle to get something and snuck up behind Eren to plant a kiss on his head when he saw him eyeing the ice cream.

“No,” he said before Eren could even ask.

“Oh come on! It’s ice cream! What, do you hate ice cream or something? Who hates ice cream?” Eren pointed at the chocolate suggestively.

“People who are lactose intolerant, I’d wager. Come on, let’s go check out.”

Eren huffed and followed Erwin with the cart, silently pouting.

They finished their errands and went back to Erwin’s house for dinner, with a bit of snide commentary from Eren while Erwin cooked. “I swear to god, Erwin, if you start calling this ‘linner’…” Erwin drafted him into helping after that. They made enough for three, at Erwin’s insistence, and sure enough Levi showed up, ate, and then left again, leaving the house to the two of them again.

“I don’t think he likes me.” Eren relaxed on the couch with a box of cookies in the entertainment room while Erwin picked out a movie.

“Yeah, well you did yell at him.” Erwin put the disc in the tray and joined Eren on the couch.

“I apologized! Sorta…”

Erwin shrugged. “He doesn’t like a lot of people, to be honest. He likes you more than you think. He just thinks you’re impulsive and bratty.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Well, you are. At least, you can be.”

“Gee, thanks! Coming from you, too.” Eren turned away.

“Oh, come on, Eren.” Erwin nuzzled his nose against the back of Eren’s neck. “You have your moments, but it’s not all the time. Most of the time you’re free-spirited, passionate, hilarious, and you’ve got a crazy determination.” He kissed behind Eren’s ear. “You’re spunky.”

Eren laughed and shied away from Erwin’s kisses. “Ew, I hate that word.”

“Spunky?”

Eren feigned a gag.

“Yes. That’s like ‘hey baby I bet you’d look good with my spunk on your face.’”

Erwin smacked him lightly.

“That is _not_ what I meant and you know it.”

“Yeah, but that’s what I think of when I hear the word ‘spunk’. That’s why it’s gross.”

Erwin started the movie and pulled Eren to him, cookies and all. They watched for a few minutes, but the beginning was slow so they lost interest fairly quickly. Erwin kissed at Eren’s face and Eren cuddled against him in return, but he was too busy shoving cookies in his mouth to kiss back.

“So,” Erwin broke the silence. “Do you not like dirty talk? Since you don’t like ‘spunk’.”

“What?” Eren swallowed a mouthful of cookie. “I don’t know? I mean, I have literally never heard anyone use the word ‘spunk’ in dirty talk, like I’m pretty sure it only exists for greasy porn comic writers.”

“Fair enough,” Erwin qualified, kissing the side of Eren’s head. “But what if I told you I wanna make you come so hard you scream?”

Eren’s hand paused in the box of cookies.

“I… shit…” He could feel himself getting hard at the thought. He swallowed again, salivating. Erwin moved his kisses to Eren’s neck and chuckled darkly.

“Do you like that? Do you want me to make you come like that?” Erwin sucked on a spot near Eren’s collarbone. “I’ll make you come so hard you can’t see straight.”

“Fuck…”

Eren abandoned his box of cookies and pulled Erwin away from his throat. He kissed him hard, needy, panting into Erwin’s mouth. It’d taken him all of three seconds to go from munching on cookies to absolutely starving for something better. Erwin kissed him back with force, nipping at Eren’s upper lip and running his tongue over it. He drew back and laughed.

“You taste like vanilla wafers.”

“That a bad thing?” Eren’s fingers fiddled with the buttons on Erwin’s shirt, looking at him through lidded eyes.

“Not at all.” Erwin’s arms wrapped around him as he pulled him in for another kiss, inhaling sharply. He flicked his tongue into Eren’s mouth and drew a soft moan out of him.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Eren got the bright idea to throw a leg over Erwin’s lap so he straddled him, face to face. Erwin paused for a moment and for a second Eren thought he’d tell him he’d gone too far, but he resumed without a word.

“Fuck,” Eren hissed again when Erwin went back at his neck. “I’m so hard right now.”

Erwin licked a stripe up Eren’s neck and reached for the bottom of his shirt.

“Arms up.”

Eren did as he was told and Erwin pulled his shirt over his head in one smooth motion. Eren took it as his cue to undo the buttons on Erwin’s shirt. His breath caught when Erwin brought his mouth to a nipple.

“God, why does that feel so good?” Eren clenched his hands in the fabric of Erwin’s shirt.

Erwin smirked up at him.

“You like that?”

Eren nodded hard, pushing Erwin’s open shirt over his shoulders. Erwin shrugged it off and brought his mouth back to Eren, his hands grabbing down Eren’s back. Erwin kissed his throat again, sliding his hands down as Eren rocked up. Eren gasped when Erwin’s hands found his ass, cupping greedily. He sat back again and captured Erwin’s mouth in another hungry kiss. Erwin squeezed and Eren rocked forward, grinding against him. Again, Erwin stopped for a moment, said nothing, then went back to what he was doing, bringing his hands around to undo the button on Eren’s pants. Eren broke away from him for a second.

“Can I see you?”

Erwin’s hands stopped moving.

“Eren, I don’t think--”

“I just… wanna see.”

Erwin grimaced and took his hands away from Eren’s pants. He looked up at Eren wordlessly, gave him a soft kiss and sighed.

“Just look,” he warned.

His hands moved slowly, undoing the button and the zipper like they were fumbling, and Eren nearly reached forward to help, but he stopped himself because he knew Erwin wouldn’t let him. Erwin took a deep breath when he’d gotten them undone, then slid the waistband of his underwear down, rocking up slightly. He reached in a hand to adjust himself so that he was in full view. Eren stared on incredulously.

“There,” Erwin said a bit shakily.

“Shit…” Eren forced himself to keep his hands still. “Are you even fully hard?”

“Um.” Erwin grew red. “No.”

He was quick to tuck himself back into his pants and redo the zipper. Eren stayed put for a second. He hadn’t been wrong earlier when Erwin had grinded on him. He was massive. Erwin ended the lapse by latching onto Eren’s neck again, making Eren pant. As surprised as he’d been, he was still really, really aroused.

“Fuck,” he breathed in Erwin’s ear. “You’re huge.”

“Yeah… shut up.”

Erwin’s hands were at Eren’s pants again, undoing the zipper without hesitation this time. Erwin looked up and met Eren’s eye, then kissed him again, snaking a hand into Eren’s boxers. Eren’s breath caught in his throat. He rocked into Erwin’s hand eagerly, biting down on Erwin’s lower lip.

“Ow,” Erwin mumbled against his mouth. Eren pulled back.

“Sorry.”

“... Do it again.”

Eren smiled wickedly and went back at Erwin’s lips, biting and slipping his tongue in. Erwin still had a hand around his length and the way he was stroking made Eren bite harder. Erwin flicked his wrist with one stroke and Eren bit down hard enough to draw a sharp gasp and Erwin pulled away. He touched his lip with a finger, but Eren hadn’t broken skin.

“Alright, up.”

Eren furrowed his eyebrows but hopped off, standing in front of the couch halfway out of his pants looking slightly annoyed. Erwin slid forward and pulled Eren’s pants to his knees.

“There.” He grinned. Eren stepped out of his pants. “Turn around.”

Eren faltered.

“I don’t know if I’m ready…” Eren looked away.

“No. Sorry, not like that,” Erwin smirked and raised an eyebrow at him. “I just wanna see your cute little ass.”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay.”

Eren spun, but he couldn’t help feeling slightly embarrassed. He hadn’t given much thought to it until Erwin had said something, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about something in his ass. As adamant as Erwin had been about keeping his pants on, Eren hadn’t jumped to the conclusion that Erwin would fuck him, but he was still weary about turning around. Erwin’s hands on his ass made him jump.

“Eren.” Erwin’s hands retreated.

“Yeah?”

“Are you alright? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Uh. No, this is okay.” He hesitated. “I’ve… never put anything up there before so you just made me nervous.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“I know. I just got scared, that’s all.”

“Eren,” Erwin’s voice was soft. Eren looked over his shoulder and saw him get up. Erwin wrapped his arms around him and kissed the side of his face. “Just tell me if something bothers you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now,” Erwin’s voice dropped to a deep purr. “Do you want me to make you come?”

“Fuck yes.” Eren’s eyes slid shut of their own volition as Erwin wrapped a hand around him again.

“Sit down.” Erwin guided him back to the couch and sat him there, then dropped to his knees and kissed at the inside of Eren’s thigh. “Do you want me to suck you?”

“Yeah…” Eren eyed him lustfully. Erwin smirked again and kissed higher.

“Say it.”

“I want you to suck me.”

“Louder. You want me to suck your dick?”

“Fuck… I want you to suck my dick.” Eren shook.

Erwin moved and mouthed at the soft skin under Eren’s navel. Eren made a noise of frustration and Erwin chuckled, then slid back and licked a stripe up Eren’s length.

“I’m gonna suck you and I’m gonna make you scream and I’m gonna make you come so hard you can’t see straight.” Erwin circled his tongue over the head and hooked his arms under Eren’s knees. “Is that what you want?” He sucked on the tip.

“Y-yeah.” Eren quaked. It was all he could do to keep from thrusting into Erwin’s mouth.

“Say it,” Erwin laughed.

“Shit. Make me come.” Eren shivered. He let out a little ‘ah’ when Erwin opened his mouth and took his entire length. The hands under Eren’s thighs slid up and cupped his ass and Eren couldn’t help but lift his hips and thrust a little into Erwin’s mouth. Erwin sucked hard, shot Eren a look, then started bobbing his head.

“Oh, god.” Eren let his head drop. “Fuck.”

Erwin’s mouth was a marvel, tongue stroking his length with just a bit of teeth thrown in. He left Eren put a hand in his hair and give a few thrusts, rubbing along the roof of his mouth. Erwin let go of his ass with a hand and pulled back. His hand took the place of his mouth, a slow torture.

“I thought you were gonna scream for me.”

Eren’s breath shook. He moaned softly.

“What’s that?” Erwin snapped his wrist with the next stroke. “That’s not a scream.”

“Shit,” Eren hissed. Erwin’s hand moved faster. “A-ah…”

Eren’s stomach tensed every time Erwin’s hand moved over the head.

“Scream for me,” Erwin growled. He moved his hand faster. Eren’s vision was going spotty. He stopped holding back.

“Fuck, Erwin!” His voice scarcely shaped words between his cries. “I can’t--I’m gonna come.”

Erwin’s hand slowed down.

“Did I say you could come?”

“N-no? Please! Let me come.” Eren shook. His voice was bleary and useless. Even as slow as Erwin’s hand was moving, he was too close to do anything but moan.

“Good boy. Keep begging.”

“Please! Please! Let me come!” His voice broke as Erwin’s hand gained speed. “Erwin, please!”

“‘Please’ what?” Erwin kissed the inside of his thigh again.

“Please let me come, oh god.” Eren’s hips rocked into Erwin’s hand. He was so close.

“Are you gonna scream for me?”

“Y-yes!”

“Good boy.” Erwin’s hand went faster than Eren could handle.

“Shit. I’m gonna--” His body tensed. “I’m gonna--” Again. “Fuck, Erwin!” He came with a shout, his  body convulsing. At the last second, Erwin had wrapped his lips around Eren’s cock. He braced his hands on Eren’s hips and sucked softly while Eren’s body shook. He swallowed and pulled back and Eren collapsed onto the couch.

“Shit…” He whispered, trembling. Erwin laughed and scooted him over to make room. He gathered Eren in his arms and let him lay on his stomach, head against Erwin’s chest, still shaking. Erwin left a kiss on the top of his head.

“Did you like that?”

Eren nodded.

Yeah. He was definitely spoiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> put me in the trash
> 
> there is no plot anymore. not sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They take a shower and reach closure.

Eren woke up to a little artificial ‘ping’ sounding from somewhere above his head. He blinked away the sleep and had to take a second to take in his surroundings and remember where he was. He could feel a soft pulse against his cheek, the heat of someone’s body. Erwin’s. Eren groaned a little and rubbed at his eye with a hand.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

Eren squinted and blinked up at the source of the voice, sighing and pushing himself up to his elbows. Erwin was on his phone, playing games or something. It took Eren another moment to realize he’d fallen asleep on top of Erwin, and completely naked at that. Erwin must’ve woken up before him and was too nice to move and risk waking him.

“Morning,” Eren mumbled, rubbing his eyes again. He blinked enough to notice a little slick spot on Erwin’s chest near where his face had been and sat up embarrassed. “Sorry! Did I…?”

“It’s okay. I need to take a shower anyway.”

Eren shifts so Erwin can get up and immediately burns with shame when he remembers again that he’s not wearing anything… and has a pretty bad case of morning wood. He’s surprised by the sight of his own boxers landing in his lap.

“Here. I think Levi came home sometime after we fell asleep so you might not wanna walk around naked.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Eren hopped off the couch and pulled them up over his hips. He spaced out as soon as he caught sight of Erwin, still shirtless, stretching one arm over his head, hand pressed to his back. The muscles there rippled as he moved. Eren didn’t notice Erwin’s faint groan. He didn’t notice anything until Erwin started speaking again.

“I am too old to fall asleep on couches all the time.” Erwin yawned and stretched more. “I’m gonna take a shower. You can go next. I promise not to use all the hot water.”

Eren nodded, still rather enthralled by Erwin’s muscles.

“Unless,” Erwin added slyly, not quite facing Eren. “You want to shower _with_ me.”

Eren, who’d only been half listening, choked on his own spit after he somehow managed to process what Erwin had said. He flushed red even as he coughed to correct his breathing. Erwin was doing a pretty bad job hiding how much he was laughing at Eren’s reaction. Eren cursed himself. He never should’ve started the flustering game in the first place. It didn’t take a genius to see he’d never win.

“W-what?”

Erwin hummed indifferently in response. He started toward the door of the entertainment room without a second glance.

“Wait!” Eren composed himself and stumbled after Erwin. “You mean you’d let me?”

 

Eren found himself less comfortable with the idea than he’d initially thought. He hadn’t bothered putting on any more clothes than his boxers from after he’d woken up, so Eren didn’t have anything to do but squirm while Erwin started the shower to let the water heat up. He hated to admit it, but even though Erwin had seen him naked enough already, he was somehow nervous about showering with him. Erwin was halfway to undressing himself when he noticed Eren’s timid behavior.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Not very convincing.”

“Sorry.” Eren heaved a little sigh that made his shoulders fall. He felt strangely exposed in just his boxers, even though he’d fallen asleep on Erwin without them earlier.

He watched Erwin’s face twist into something painted with concern, his hands stopping where they’d begun to undo his jeans. He crossed his arms and looked expectantly at Eren who all but cowered by the counter. Eren knew he was waiting for an explanation.

“This feels weird,” Eren tried, fidgeting and not meeting Erwin’s eye.

“Weird how?”

Eren wasn’t sure why, but he’s almost surprised Erwin isn’t mad or even annoyed at him. It made it easier to say what was on his mind. He wondered to himself why he’d ever doubted Erwin in the first place. The man had endless patience.

“I don’t know? I guess it’s like… everything else was really spur-of-the-moment and this is planned?” Eren said it like a question, hoping Erwin got what he meant.

“It’s just a shower,” Erwin said simply. “It doesn’t have to be anything more. Aside from that, we don’t have to shower together. Like I said, I’m not going to force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

Erwin touched his cheek lightly and Eren shook off his jitters. Nineteen wasn’t totally unreasonable for him to still be a virgin and whatnot, especially since his sexuality had been rather cloudy until recently, but he still felt lame for it. Eren nodded lightly and steeled himself.

“So…?” Erwin looked at him expectantly.

Eren leaned in, going up on his toes as he did so. Still, he stopped himself a little short and kissed Erwin’s chin. Erwin placed his hands lightly in the curve of Eren’s waist. Eren sighed a little and closed the space between them, wrapping his arms around Erwin. He still hadn’t given Erwin anything resembling an answer, but he wasn’t sure if he had one to give anyway. He just ducked his head and pulled himself close to Erwin, the sensation of skin on skin less foreign than it used to be.

“Maybe I’m afraid,” Eren mused quietly. He hoped Erwin didn’t take it as the answer to his question.

“Afraid of what? You don’t have to--”

“I know.” He squeezed Erwin, who rested his chin on Eren in response, and sighed. “I know we’re not gonna like, have sex in the shower,” Eren tried to ignore how awkward it felt to say out loud, “but it’s just kinda like, something I haven’t done so I’m nervous.”

“Well, do you want to?”

Eren breathed in and out like he was gearing up for an answer, but only nodded his head.

“So you don’t have to feel nervous. I want to and you want to and nobody’s gonna cross any lines, so it’s okay, right?” Erwin’s chest rumbled as he spoke, a hand rubbing circles on Eren’s back. Eren nodded again, soothed. Erwin peeled back. “Not to rush you, but we absolutely will run out of hot water if we take too long.” Erwin jabbed his thumb at the shower he’d left on, which had since gotten hot and was still running.

“Right.”

Eren pulled away from Erwin and moved closer to the shower. He shucked his boxers without looking back and got in the shower. All in all, he was still a little nervous, but the nerves were more like butterflies than anything. He let himself relax in the heat of the water, turning his back to the spray and even closing his eyes. He’d showered in Erwin’s house plenty of times, but he hadn’t gotten to use the master bath in Erwin’s room. It was much nicer than the guest shower across the hall from ‘his’ room, and was definitely more spacious in comparison.

He almost didn’t notice the sound of the plastic rings on the rod as the shower curtain was brought back and Erwin stepped in. He did, however, feel his stomach twist when he felt Erwin’s hands on his shoulders. The shock of it melted away as soon as he felt Erwin’s thumbs moving in circles massaging the meat of his shoulders. Eren exhaled a little sigh.

“See? Not so bad.” Erwin’s voice floated above him. “Can you hand me the shampoo?”

Eren hummed and blinked his eyes open, interrupting his quiet daydream.

“Uh. Yeah.”

He grabbed it off the lip of the tub against the wall, slightly self-conscious about bending over with Erwin behind him. He passed it back to Erwin, handing it over his shoulder and turning slightly. His face burned as he met Erwin’s eye, but Erwin only took it from him and gave him a warm smile in return. Erwin blocked most of the water so Eren wasn’t getting wet anymore, but his hair was still wet enough for Erwin to put shampoo in.

“Close your eyes.”

“What? Why?”

Erwin laughed.

“Do you trust me at all?”

Eren grumbled and closed his eyes. Erwin’s fingers worked their way into Eren’s hair, lathering it and massaging his scalp. To keep his balance, Eren leaned back into Erwin. Eren sighed lightly. Erwin’s hands felt really nice in his hair.

“Okay, hold on.”

Erwin moved out from under Eren--apparently he’d been trying to warn Eren that he was moving, since Eren stood puzzling over what he was supposed to be holding on to. Erwin guided him blindly into the stream of the water, and his hands found Eren’s hair again. The water ran down Eren’s neck, but Erwin was sure to keep his head tilted enough to keep it off of his face. When he finished getting the shampoo out of Eren’s hair, he used his hold on Eren’s head to pull him out of the water and bring his little lover’s forehead to his lips.

“There. All clean.”

“Can I open my eyes now?”

Erwin laughed. “Yes.”

Wiping his face to get any excess water off, Eren opened his eyes. He’d let Erwin lead them around the shower--somehow with neither of them falling over, though Eren figured Erwin’s balance was impeccable--and the shuffling had resulted in both of them standing halfway in the water and half out. Although it was big, the shower was still small enough that they had to stand pretty close to one another to fit.

Eren could feel his nerves bubbling up, practically nose-to-nose with Erwin. His nerves kept bubbling up until they spilled out as laughter. Erwin looked at him, confused and almost offended, and that only made Eren laugh harder. A smile tweaked Erwin’s face as he tried to ask what was so funny, but Eren couldn’t stop laughing and it only made Erwin laugh too, until the pair was standing in the shower laughing at each other without knowing why.

“Okay, okay.” Eren giggled, trying to compose himself. “My turn. Gimme the shampoo.”

Erwin complied and Eren took the bottle and dumped a bit on Erwin’s head. He wasn’t out of reach, but Eren knew he’d never quite get Erwin’s technique from so far below him. He did what he could to replicate it, but he got distracted by Erwin, his eyes obediently closed. Eren leaned up on his toes and kissed the unsuspecting lips.

“Hey!” Erwin mumbled against Eren’s mouth. His hands came up to rest in the small of Eren’s back.

Eren took it as permission to kiss harder. Erwin matched Eren’s enthusiasm, stumbling back into the wall. The way Erwin’s hands were pulling at his back, Eren could tell he was fighting with himself about pulling him closer. Eren was at war with himself, too. He could make the decision for himself and just guide his body forward so there was no longer a safe bit of space between them, or he could wait to see what Erwin would do. Deciding Erwin would stop him as he always did if he crossed any of Erwin’s murky boundaries, Eren took the initiative and closed the gap so their bodies met. For a second, Erwin stopped moving, and Eren was sure he’d pull away, but he just exhaled softly and nudged his chin further into the kiss. Despite purposely keeping his body still, but in contact with Erwin’s, their kiss was still nothing short of erotic. Eren drew back with a sly smile, gripping the base of Erwin’s neck with a hand still covered in shampoo.

“...you’re hard.” Eren blinked up at him slowly, batting his lashes.

“I…” Erwin turned a shade of pink before squinting one eye violently and pulling back. “I have shampoo in my eye.”

Eren’s shoulders slumped as Erwin let go of him to rub his face under the water and wash the shampoo out of his hair. He made the mistake of turning his back to Eren, who eyed his ass with victorious glee before he noticed a little pattern in black ink above the left cheek.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo.”

“What?” Erwin twists around, wiping excess water from his face. “Oh, yeah. I got that shortly before I went to Russia. I forget it’s there most of the time.”

Eren quirked an eyebrow.

“You forgot you got a tattoo of wings on your ass?”

“It’s not on my ass!”

Eren crossed his arms and gave Erwin a skeptical look.

“Okay, it’s kind of on my ass. But not really.”

“What does it mean?”

“Freedom. I was your age when I got it--”

“Ew. Don’t say ‘I was your age...’ like some grandpa.”

Erwin scowled.

“--but I meant it to say that dancing made me feel free.”

Eren wrapped his arms around Erwin’s midsection and nuzzled into his shoulderblade. “Well I like it.” He kissed up Erwin’s neck to the edge of his jaw.

“You just like my ass.”

“True.”

Erwin freed an arm to put around Eren’s shoulders as he leaned down to kiss him. Eren wormed his way around Erwin’s body and purposely pressed himself into Erwin.

“You’re still hard.”

“Yeah, well whose fault is that?”

Eren leaned away from Erwin for a moment to look into his eyes, pleading.

“Let me do something about it?”

Erwin gripped Eren by his shoulders, furrowed his brow, but ultimately said nothing.

“Please?” Eren kissed his throat. The grip on Eren’s shoulders relaxed.

“...don’t get too carried away.”

Eren nodded solemnly and kissed Erwin’s collarbone. He swallowed his hesitation and snaked a hand between them. He kept kissing Erwin’s neck and shoulders, pausing occasionally to suck softly at his skin until he could see little red spots surface. Tentatively, he wrapped a hand around Erwin’s cock and gave an experimental squeeze. He could feel Erwin exhale on the back of his neck. Erwin still wasn’t completely hard, but Eren had more than half a mind to do something about it.

He’d just started with a few slow strokes before the shower gave something like a hiccup where the water stopped for a fraction of a second before coming back down again. Eren let go as the two of them jolted and scrambled away, trying to get out of the suddenly freezing water. Eren slid from the slickness of the tub and his sudden, uncoordinated movements, and toppled over, taking Erwin and the shower curtain with him.

“Ah--shit! Sorry! That water was fucking freezing.” Eren rubbed his elbow where he’d hit it and tried to make sense of the tangle of limbs that he and Erwin had fallen into. Erwin had an arm over his face, and once Eren got his bearings, he could see Erwin was shaking. “Hey, are you okay?”

Eren put a hand on Erwin’s shoulder and tried to shake him into focusing. He jumped a little when Erwin’s arm slid away from his face and he let out the loudest laugh Eren had ever heard.

“You…” he wheezed, “are the biggest dork alive.”

“It’s not that funny!” Eren retreated, turning red.

“You just… haha, took out me, yourself, and the whole fucking shower curtain.” Erwin laughed harder.

Eren crossed his arms, trying to pout, but found Erwin’s laughter contagious. Aside from being mortified, Eren could admit that it was pretty funny. They laughed for awhile longer before calming down enough for Eren to give Erwin an inquiring glance, prompting him to stop laughing too.

“Sh-should I continue?” Eren gestured vaguely to Erwin’s lower half.

“Ah--sorry. No need. You know what they say about cold showers.” Erwin gave a quick, apologetic smile before hopping up and wrapping himself in a towel, then shutting off the shower. “I’ll go get breakfast started.”

Eren watched him leave before collapsing back into the crumpled up shower curtain. He only had himself to blame for losing the opportunity. That, and Erwin’s water heater. He felt bad about leaving a mess, so he put Erwin’s shower curtain back up and toweled off the floor before wrapping himself in a towel and darting off to his room for a change of clothes.

When he went downstairs fully dressed, Erwin had breakfast ready. Neither of them mentioned the shower, but for Erwin saying, “I told you the shower was going to get cold, but no one listens to me,” to which Eren just nodded sheepishly.

He made it through breakfast, lunch, and nearly to dinner before he got the courage to say anything. He’d curled up with Erwin on the couch while they watched tv. He had himself situated under one of Erwin’s arms, squished up against his chest so he could feel the soft thudding of Erwin’s heart against his side. Erwin, in turn, was slumped up against the armrest with the remote in his free hand, comfortable and relaxed. As much as Eren felt at home with him there, he knew he’d never be completely comfortable unless he let off a little weight on his chest.

He peered up at Erwin’s face, watching the man’s blue eyes blink lazily as he watched whatever Eren was ignoring on tv. After a moment, Erwin noticed him staring, turned his chin and smiled softly.

“What? If you want a kiss, just ask.” Erwin took the liberty of kissing Eren’s forehead.

“Do you trust me?” Eren kept staring, unsated.

“Trust you? What do you mean? Of course I trust you. Unless you’re asking for my omelette recipe. That’s top-secret.” Erwin chuckled to himself.

“No, like, you never let me do anything. Even earlier, you changed your mind after like two seconds.”

Erwin frowned a little and shifted so he and Eren were face to face.

“It’s not like that, I told you. I don’t trust myself.”

“What, you ‘don’t have self-control’? Don’t tell me that, because I don’t believe it anymore. If that was the case, you’d ignore what I wanted and just do what you wanted, but you don’t. You completely ignore yourself. Don’t tell me that’s poor self-control. I don’t think you trust me enough to tell me what it really is.” Eren kept a solid gaze. He’d started his interrogation as level-headed as he could, and he was determined to get something out of it.

The corner of Erwin’s mouth jumped and he sighed.

“You’re right that it’s not an issue of self-control. But I really don’t trust myself. It’s not that I don’t trust you enough to tell you what it is, I’m just…”

Eren pursed his lips. He let Erwin have a second to finish his thought before prompting him into it.

“Just what?”

“Just scared.”

“Scared?” Eren exclaimed. “What do you have to be scared of? You’ve actually done this before! If anyone gets to be scared, it’s me. And I’m not really scared, just a little nervous,” he admitted.

“And that’s part of it.”

“Part of what? What you’re scared of?”

Erwin nodded once and looked at his lap for awhile. Eren let him have another moment of silence, but he felt he didn’t need to try to get Erwin to talk anymore. Erwin took Eren’s hands into both of his and held them to his lips for a moment. Eren just let him. Any sort of anger he had was gradually assuaged by Erwin’s simple gesture. It wasn’t an argument or even an interrogation anymore. It was a confession.

“The reason I don’t trust myself is because I’ve done this before. So many times. I’ll think maybe I have a chance with someone, and the first few times I tried getting to know them before doing anything, but after awhile I figured that just didn’t work so I started just sleeping around to see if maybe I’d feel something, but it never happened. No matter how I felt about them the night before, I always felt the same the next morning. By the time I got to France, I was practically doing it out of habit. When Levi came along, I thought if I could just stick with him, maybe I’d find what I was looking for eventually, but it never happened, so I just gave up on it. And now you’re here and you’re eager and you’re fiery, and you’ve never done any of this with anyone else.” Erwin clenched his jaw. “I wouldn’t even feel right taking your virginity because you deserve someone who you can trust to still care about you the next morning.”

Eren’s lips parted, then closed, then let him speak.

“So, you’re afraid if we have sex you’re going to stop caring about me?”

Erwin looked away.

“I don’t wanna hurt you, Eren. You deserve so much better.”

“You ass.”

Erwin looked at him suddenly, shocked.

“You’d put yourself down so easily? And you’re not even going to ask what I think we should do?”

“Eren--”

“Nope. I think you’re an idiot. People call me oblivious, but you take it to a whole new level! Literally nobody in my entire life has ever cared about me more, except maybe my mom and Mikasa, but that’s different. Even if it’s only been like two months and I’m an oblivious shithead, I know how much you care about me. You don’t even have to say it. You renovated a room in your house for me and gave me somewhere to stay when I didn’t have anywhere to go. You take me to dinner all the goddamned time, and you cook breakfast every morning like somebody’s trophy wife. You fucking stuck up for me when we got the stink-eye from that nasty-ass mattress salesman for being gay, and even though you feel like you have to protect me and sometimes I feel like you treat me like a kid, I know you see me as your equal. You care about me way too much for that to just go away. If for some reason all of that’s been you just forcing yourself to--god forbid--have an actual relationship with somebody, then this is something that would’ve never worked out anyway.”

“Eren…” Erwin said softly. He set a hand on Eren’s cheek and wiped away a little tear as it fell.

“But I know that’s not the case, and if you’re too stupid to see it, so be it. If you’re scared of this and you don’t want to do anything for as long as we live, fine. But don’t you dare say all of this has been because you don’t care, or won’t care. I don’t know why you didn’t just tell me this earlier, because it would’ve been easier to understand. Maybe it’s just that you didn’t realize that I care about you, too.”

Eren rubbed at his face with the heel of his palm. He was somewhere between angry and distraught, and he had more to say, but when he tried, he choked on the words. Erwin stared for a moment like he didn’t know what to do before throwing his arms around Eren and crushing him to him. He buried his face in Eren’s hair, only altering his grip to wipe at his own face. Eren clung to his shirt.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in Eren’s hair. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

Eren shook his head against Erwin’s chest.

“I’m slow, but I’m not that stupid. You didn’t have to make stuff up.”

Erwin hugged him tighter and Eren returned the gesture. They stayed that way for a long while, until their breathing had slowed into a rhythm almost indistinguishable from one another. It was Erwin who broke the silence.

“Eren?”

“Mhm?”

“Can I say it?”

Eren gave Erwin a reassuring squeeze and nodded wordlessly. Erwin smiled.

“I love you, Eren.”

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who read this! I know the ending came kinda unexpected (it surprised me too), but I really feel like there's no better ending I could've given this. I've been working on this since December, and it was the first fic I'd ever written for eruren, and the way my writing has developed since and the way the story has developed, it all seems to just point to this ending, so there's really not much more I could give this without ruining the feel. 
> 
> dedicating this chapter to monsy because she helped with a lot of the scenes and just getting my train of thought going. 
> 
> thanks for reading! <3


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